


Lads Lads Lads

by TAFKAmayle



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-19 04:16:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 44,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22271710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TAFKAmayle/pseuds/TAFKAmayle
Summary: Ryan has too much free time when not killing people as the Vagabond. He uses it to fantasize about the Lads.TW: This fic contains a Ryan Haywood character.
Comments: 235
Kudos: 189





	1. Chapter 1

Ryan’s eyes watched the lads as they joked and laughed, elbowing each other. Gavin’s legs were over Michael’s and his feet were in Jeremy’s lap. They were playing Halo, which one Ryan wasn’t sure because he couldn’t keep his eyes off them.

The lads were physically affectionate. They were always nearly or fully on top of each other. Michael and Jeremy especially liked to grab at Gavin who never seemed to care. He liked to lay on them or throw his arms around them, basically smothering them all the time. 

As far as Ryan knew, they didn’t actually fuck each other, but that didn’t stop his wild fantasies. Jeremy at Gavin’s mouth, Michael at his ass. Gavin could probably take both of them in his ass. Jeremy would hold him up and Michael would help keep him steady as they slid in slowly. The three of them sliding together like a fucking conga line, Gavin at the front with Jeremy in his ass and Michael in his. Jeremy getting fucked by Michael while Gavin blew him.

God, Ryan wanted to watch them fuck. His eyes traced down Gavin’s long legs. Gavin shot up suddenly and Ryan’s eyes darted to his in surprise. He was looking right at Ryan. _Shit._ He’d seen him watching. Ryan looked away, glad his mask was still on so Gavin didn’t see the blush on his face. 

“V! You just have to ask,” Gavin called to him.

Ryan’s heart thudded in his chest. _He knows? Just from that? Wait, so they are fucking?_ Ryan got up and left the room before he could voice any of these questions. He was already embarrassed enough, he didn’t need to add anything to it. He tossed his mask off when he entered his room. Was he serious? Could Ryan watch them if he just asked for it? 

He sighed as he sat heavily on his bed. More likely Gavin was misinterpreting his intentions. Just the thought that it might be true made him rock hard though. He fell back on his bed and fumbled his jeans open. He groaned as his hand wrapped around his cock. He closed his eyes as he recalled their positions on the couch. How would it happen, there in the living room?

_“Wot?!” Gavin squawks, “I totally hit you!”_

_He sits up, annoyed while Jeremy and Michael tease him. He’s half on both of their laps, arms crossed and pouting._

_“You have to take the punishment now,” Jeremy taunts._

_Gavin blushes and tries to pull away only to have two hands hang onto his belt tightly._

_“Ah, ah, Gavvy,” Michael coos in his ear, “You agreed.”_

_Gavin whines and squirms trying to get away from them._

_“That was before I knew you were cheaters!” He grumbles._

_Michael and Jeremy just laugh at him and shift until he’s on the couch. Their bodies angle towards him and they let go of his belt. He turns around on the couch, face bright red. He’s knelt on the cushions, holding the back of the couch. He’s trembling a bit, but when Jeremy opens his pants, he’s got a boner. They tug his jeans and underwear down out of the way and once his ass is bare, they each slap a hand over one cheek. He whimpers and jolts, but his cock only gets harder._

Ryan groaned at his own imagined scenario, ironically telling the fantasy versions of the lads to hurry up. He fast-forwarded the fantasy like it’s a porno and fumbled for lube. 

_Michael’s behind the couch, while Jeremy’s behind Gavin. He’s bent so beautifully, his head and lower back dipping to make it easier for the other lads to fuck him. Michael’s hands are fists in his hair as he fucks his throat and Jeremy leaves bite marks up his spine as he fucks his ass._

Ryan moaned breathlessly as he spilled all over his hand. _Fuck, I didn’t make it to the end again._ He threw his clean arm over his eyes as he caught his breath. They’d be really good at aftercare. Gentle and sweet, cuddling up to Gavin while he got back to himself. _Why the hell do I give a fuck about them being together?_ He asked himself for the millionth time. Himself still didn’t have an answer.

~

Gavin was wearing panties. Ryan knew because he could see the lacy edge of them above Gavin’s super tight jeans. They were crouched behind a wall and Gavin’s shirt had ridden up just enough to show Ryan the black lace there. _Why is he wearing panties? On a mission no less._

More importantly, which one would like them more, Michael or Jeremy?

“Coast is clear,” Gavin whispered, moving forward.

Ryan followed him quickly and quietly doing his best not to look at Gavin’s ass. Michael. Michael would like them more. He’d relish a reason to taunt and humiliate Gavin. He’d make Gavin look at them in a mirror and grin at Gavin’s squirming. 

_Fuck, focus! You’re on a damn job!_

~

Gavin was grinning at him. Ryan squinted back. _Why’s he smiling at me?_ He was cooking his breakfast, about three or four feet from where Ryan was brewing coffee for Geoff. They were on opposite sides of the kitchen, but Gavin was throwing grins over his shoulder at Ryan. 

Ryan didn’t know why he was doing it, but he was struggling to focus on it. Gavin was wearing what he’d slept in: an oversized shirt and boxers. He looked properly soft and rumpled from sleep. He looked fucking adorable. Ryan was struggling to not stare openly at the man’s half-bare thighs. 

Jeremy shuffled into the kitchen looking similarly sleep-rumpled and adorable. He went up behind Gavin, putting his arms around his waist and leaning his head against Gavin’s shoulder blade. Ryan’s heart jumpstarted and his cock sprang to life at how close Jeremy’s hips were to Gavin’s ass.

“Gerroff me, Lil J!” Gavin grumbled, shoving Jeremy away.

Ryan almost growled at how much he didn’t like that. Gavin’s face was bright red and he glanced at Ryan. Jeremy pouted, whining that Gavin was being mean. Gavin was sputtering something, but Ryan realized Geoff’s coffee was finished and picked up the mug. 

“W-we’re not like...like _that_ Lil J!” Gavin insisted as Ryan passed to leave the kitchen.

_Damnit,_ Ryan thought. _Why the fuck not?!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Knock knock knock!_

Ryan blinked himself awake at the sound of someone knocking at his door. He looked at the time. Midnight. _Go back to bed whoever you are._ He grumbled as they knocked again and hefted himself out of bed. He flicked on the lamp on his nightstand before he shuffled to the door. He blinked down at Gavin for a moment before he was suddenly fully awake.

He slammed the door closed with a gasp and pressed his hand over his chest. _Jesus fucking Christ._ He was fully awake and erect now. He carefully reopened the door to look again and make sure he wasn’t crazy. Gavin was blushing, his hands nervously tugging on the short skirt of the outfit he was wearing. 

“C-can I c-come in?” He mumbled sheepishly.

Ryan nearly exploded in his pants. He stood aside to let him in, embarrassed that his PJs did nothing to hide how happy he was to do so. Gavin stepped in quickly, looking relieved not to be exposed in the hall any more. Ryan watched him walk towards his bed as he closed the door behind him.

_Alice in Wonderland,_ he thought was the idea behind the costume. The base of the dress was a pale blue color and it had a filly white apron over it. The skirt was quite puffy, the ruffled underskirt fabric whispering around his thighs. White stockings reached up just below the ruffles, but he wasn’t wearing any shoes. _They’ll get dirty like that._

Gavin hopped up onto his bed and the skirt shifted around him, revealing more of the golden skin on his thighs. He crooked a finger at Ryan, beckoning him forward. He had a Cheshire Cat smile as Ryan nervously approached him. Ryan shivered and swallowed thickly as he stopped in front of him. _What am I supposed to do?_ He wondered. 

Gavin hooked a finger in his waistband and dragged it down past his boner. Ryan was flushed with embarrassment as his cock flipped free of the fabric. Gavin looked delighted.

“Aw, did you get this for me?” He cooed, still grinning widely, “How cute.”

Ryan’s dick pulsed and he swayed, unsteady. Gavin moved forward, licking at the head of his cock. Ryan moaned, his hips twitching forward. _Fuck fuck fuck,_ his brain screamed at him. His hands hovered midair. Was he allowed to touch him? 

“You’re so cute, Vagabond,” Gavin teased, “Don’t you want to give me this present?”

He winked as he licked up Ryan’s dick and Ryan growled. Yes, he did. He wanted to give it to him. _Now._ He shoved Gavin down on the bed, pressing up between his legs. Ryan’s dick rubbed up against Gavin’s, revealing he wasn’t wearing underwear. _And he’s shaved,_ Ryan noted. Ryan moaned at the feeling of Gavin’s warm body beneath him. He shoved the ruffled fabric up so he could see Gavin’s crotch. Bigger than he thought. Wider, not longer. He’d make a good top with a cock that size. But considering the plug in his ass, Ryan was pretty sure he was a bottom. 

Ryan bent down to lick up his cock and Gavin arched off the bed with a beautiful little moan. Ryan opened his mouth fully to take him in, lips stretching pretty wide around him. _Damn._ Gavin groaned and his hips jerked up into Ryan’s mouth. Ryan hummed around him as his cock hit the back of his throat. Fuck his jaw was already sore. Gavin’s hands found his hair and tugged him upwards.

“V! V! Fuck!” Gavin cried, “Fuck me!”

Ryan didn’t need to be told twice. He leaned over to his nightstand to grab lube and a condom and Gavin whimpered as though he thought he might leave. _Leave with you under me? No chance in hell._ He gently tugged the plug from him and dropped it on the floor before lining up and slowly pushing in. Gavin whined at bit, but there wasn’t much resistance. He was perfectly relaxed and Ryan moaned as his hips pressed flush with his ass. He leaned over Gavin and pressed his lips to his neck, kissing gently as he waited for him to give him the go ahead. 

Gavin caught his breath and grabbed Ryan’s jaw in one hand, yanking his face over to press an urgent, hard kiss to his mouth. Ryan pushed back, biting at his bottom lip and shoving his tongue deep in his mouth. _Coffee. It’s midnight, why the hell does he taste like coffee??_ Ryan rocked back and forth as Gavin let go of his jaw. 

“Fuck me like you mean it,” He growled, gripping the back of Ryan’s shirt, “You think I came dressed like this for gentle sex?!”

Ryan grunted before sinking his teeth into Gavin’s neck and rearing back to slam into him. Gavin moaned as he fucked into him, his body arching against him and hands clawing at his back. 

“Come on, V, come on!” He groaned, “You can do better than that, can’t you?”

Ryan made an annoyed sound and lifted up to get a better angle. He held onto Gavin’s shoulder to keep him in place as he put all his power behind each thrust. Gavin clawed at his arms, leaving stinging trails down his biceps and forearms.

“Yes! Yes! Fuck!” He cried, “Up, up! Angle up!”

Ryan shifted and Gavin screamed as his thrusts rubbed against his prostate. He was trembling, face screwed up in pain and pleasure. _Fuck, he’s beautiful._ Ryan moaned, thrusts going sloppy. So close, fuck. He put his hand around Gavin’s cock and jerked twice before Gavin came, tightening around him. Ryan gasped and fell forward.

“G-Gavin!” He whispered roughly as he came. 

Gavin jolted, eyes flying open.

“You can talk?!” He demanded.

Ryan nearly bit his own tongue off in frustration. _Oops._ They panted a moment, catching their breath as Gavin eyed him suspiciously. _Probably wondering what else I’ve hidden from them._ As soon as they were breathing properly, Ryan tossed the condom and grabbed tissues to wipe jizz off Gavin. Some of it had landed on the skirt and Ryan frowned. Was that going to stain? _But it’s so pretty._

“Why don’t you talk?” Gavin asked, sounding a bit mad.

Ryan looked up at him with a shrug. Gavin sat up, forcing him to sit back on his feet. _Oh boy. Here we go._

“Your voice is really nice!” Gavin exclaimed, “You should let people hear it!”

Ryan raised his eyebrows, surprised by that reaction. He shrugged and Gavin poked his chest.

“Dodgy bastard,” he muttered, “I’m tellin’!”

Ryan sighed. _Well that’s that over with._ He moved around Gavin to crawl back into his sheets. He opened them for Gavin, but the younger man stood up instead, stretching out his back. _He’s leaving immediately. Fucking tool._

Gavin bent down and plucked the plug from the floor. He laid it next to Ryan’s lamp before turning to wink at him. 

“Souvenir,” he teased, “Maybe it’ll encourage round two, eh?”

He bounced away, waving vaguely over his shoulder. Ryan wasn’t entirely sure if he was emotionally cool with what happened, but physically he was really cool with it. He turned to look at the butt plug. Blue. The same as the dress. Of course. He flicked off his lamp.

Gavin wasn’t how he’d imagined. Power bottom seemed closer to what he was. A casual sex-loving power bottom. So much for Ryan’s fantasies about a blushing Gavin getting railed by the other lads. He seemed embarrassed outside the situation, but while at it, he was fucking shamelessly wild. Ryan shivered. What were the other two like? What was unexpected about them? He should really shut down that line of thinking, but he did not.


	3. Chapter 3

Ryan could tell as soon as he walked through the threshold what was happening. Gavin’s face was smug as hell and the rest of them were looking surprised or annoyed. He turned around to walk back out the door, but Jeremy had it blocked. His eyes narrowed at him. _He’s too strong, I can’t just knock him aside, I’ll have to actually fight him._ He stepped towards him anyway and Jeremy swallowed thickly, looking adorably terrified.

“Vagabond, please have a seat,” Geoff called out.

Ryan debated, but decided to go ahead and sit down. _What is this, an intervention?_

“So Gavin tells us you’re capable of speech,” Geoff began.

Ryan raised an eyebrow at him. 

“So we just want to know what the fuck is up,” Geoff continued.

Ryan tilted his head.

“So...can you talk?” Geoff asked, looking doubtful.

Ryan turned his head towards Gavin who was looking triumphant. Ryan frowned, looking confused and turned back to Geoff. He shook his head. Gavin made a noise of protest and Ryan nearly broke character to smirk at him. His frown just deepened and he squinted back at Gavin.

“You can talk!” Gavin accused, pointing a finger at him, “I heard you!”

Ryan raised one an eyebrow. _When was this, Gavin? Would you like to tell the group when it was you heard my voice?_ Gavin seemed to realize what Ryan was doing. He went red and dropped his hand. _Go on, Alice, tell them when you heard my voice._

“Gavin, did you fucking lie?” Michael grumbled, “I hauled my ass out of bed for this shit.”

“I-I didn’t!” Gavin protested weakly, “He...can talk.”

Everyone complained, calling him an asshole as they got up to leave. With his back to everyone else, Ryan gave Gavin an amused look. 

“Dodgy bastard!” Gavin hissed.

Ryan grinned.

~

“Come on, V!” Jeremy coaxed, “Come play Mario Party! We need an even number!”

Ryan hesitated. He’d intended to watch them play, not play himself. He corrected course, moving towards the open spot on the couch: the one between Jeremy and the end of the couch. He put his coke on the coffee table as he sat and took the controller he was offered. The lads looked actually surprised he took the invitation and they stared at him for a moment. He turned his head towards them with a raised eyebrow. 

“Alright, now I got a real teammate!” Jeremy cheered, pumping his fist.

“Fucking damnit!” Michael grumbled.

“What’s wrong, Mogar?” Jeremy taunted, “This double date not living up to expectations?”

Ryan’s mind roamed at that as he picked a character. _Double date._ That’d make Jeremy his date. He blushed under the face shield. He glanced at Jeremy from the corner of his eye. He’d fit well in Ryan’s lap. Something in Ryan’s lap stirred at the thought. He forced himself to focus on the screen. 

“Hey, Jer, which one you think?” Michael spoke up.

Ryan wasn’t paying attention. He was flipping through characters. Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach. He knew these ones. He wasn’t expecting the enemies to be playable though. Koopa, Bowser, Donkey Kong. _Interesting._ There were more characters he didn’t recognize though. A ghost eloquently named “Boo”, a skeletal creature called “Dry Bones”, a child version of DK, called Diddy. _Weird._

He suddenly became aware that the lads were watching him very closely. They were waiting for him to decide. He refocused. _Just pick one._ Shy Guy had a mask, so he went for that one. Jeremy made a triumphant noise as he locked in his choice.

“Ha, Team Nice Dynamite, get on my level!” He exclaimed, “Fork it over!”

Gavin and Michael passed him ten bucks each and Ryan raised his eyebrows. Jeremy held out one of the tens to him with a grin.

“Thanks for being predictable, V,” he laughed, “We’ve already won.”

“I thought for sure he’d go Dry Bones,” Gavin whined.

“What the fuck, how did he not pick the dead character?!” Michael grumbled.

“Because there was one with a mask!” Jeremy answered.

Ryan took the ten from his hand and slipped it in his pocket. Jeremy’s grin got even wider.

“You help me win, I’ll blow you,” he joked, winking.

“Don’t fall for it,” Michael grunted, “He never fucking follows through.”

“Yeah, not for you,” Jeremy scoffed, “No one wants your wolf dick.”

Ryan’s mind drifted again as they bickered.

_“No?” Michael would say, “Not what you said last night.”_

_Jeremy would blush and sputter denials._

_“Ooooh, Michael please let me have your big dick~!” Michael would mock in a sickly sweet voice._

_Gavin would snort, rolling his eyes._

_“Sh-shut up!” Jeremy would grumble._

_“Just bone already,” Gavin would mutter, “Switch teams. You two can bitch about your dicks while I blow Ry.”_

Ryan jolted a bit, waking up. Jeremy was giving him a concerned look.

“You good, man?” He asked.

Ryan was blushing again. He just stared at the screen, trying to focus. No, he wasn’t. They didn’t talk to him in his fantasies. They certainly didn’t call him by his real name. Fucking Gavin had fucked him up. He shivered, remembering how that felt. Remembering the plug hadn’t moved from where Gavin had dropped it. 

Ryan jumped as Jeremy’s hand squeezed his knee. His head jerked towards him. Jeremy backed off with a sheepish smile.

“You sure you’re okay?” He pressed, “You seem out of it.”

Ryan stood abruptly, dropping the controller on the table. He made a quick retreat, heading for his room. Jeremy followed him with a blurted “wait”. Ryan ignored him, but Jeremy caught up fast. He grabbed Ryan’s shoulder, trying to stop him. Ryan whirled on him, shoving him into the wall, pinning him with one arm over his chest. He brought the other up, clenched in a fist. Jeremy flinched and shuddered. Ryan punched the wall as their hips pressed together. _Why is he fucking hard?!_ Jeremy glanced downwards, surprised. _Why am **I** hard?!_

Ryan released him, suddenly jumping away from him to continue his retreat. His mind was blaring all sorts of warning alarms, trying to shut down into turn off mode.

~

Ryan tried to stay away from Jeremy after the Mario Party/Fantasy/dick touching incident. Unfortunately, Jeremy was determined. And he was not subtle. Every time he turned around, Jeremy was there. Bending over, wiggling his slutty little ass, getting uncomfortably close. His advances were getting really aggressive. Fuck, Ryan wanted him so bad. 

The fact he kept displaying his body for him boosted his ego to no end as well. Like Jeremy was coaxing him to come get him. As though he was prey that wanted to get eaten. And damn, Ry was ravenous.

“Hey, V, I need some intimidation, you game?” Jeremy called into the kitchen after about a week had passed.

Ryan raised an eyebrow at him, but nodded. Normally Jeremy relied on his insane charisma. Ryan was a bit jealous of that, if he was being honest. He didn’t really have charisma. Or any form of social skills. Everything about him was exuding danger and killing people. Jeremy was a smooth operator. It made Ryan want to destroy him.

“So just be all Vagabond-y,” Jeremy instructed as they arrived at the meeting point.

Ryan shot him a cold look. _Was that an order, little boy?_ Jeremy swallowed nervously.

“I-I mean, if th-that’s alright?” He offered weakly.

Ryan grinned under the mask. _Good boy._ They exited the car and Jeremy hopped up onto the trunk to wait. Ryan leaned against it and produced a butterfly knife to play with as they waited. Jeremy was watching him very carefully. Ryan smirked. _Since you keep putting on shows for me, shall I put one on for you?_

He twirled the knife, flipping it in the air and catching it in his other hand. Jeremy leaned forward, clearly in awe as Ryan easily flipped the knife between fingers and hands. One of the first things to learn when you’re trying to be intimidating is knives. Playing with a knife was useless for actual combat, but oh boy did it scare the shit out of and impress people. 

Jeremy was displaying some very open body language in response to his show. _Eager little boy, aren’t you?_ Ryan’s grin went wild as he suddenly sliced the knife through the air, stopping with the tip a few centimeters away from Jeremy’s throat. Jeremy shuddered.

“I dunno how to tell you this, V,” he mumbled, shaky, “But that just gave me a massive fucking boner.”

Ryan blushed, surprised by his candor. _Eager._ Ryan flipped the knife until it was closed again, gesturing for Jeremy to take it. Jeremy hesitated, but he took the knife. Ryan arranged his hand properly on it, then demonstrated the wrist flick. 

Jeremy focused on the knife and followed Ryan’s motion, the knife flipping open. Ryan showed him the next flick, which he mirrored perfectly. Ryan closed the knife and demonstrated both together. Jeremy imitated perfectly. Then Ryan demonstrated the final flip, showing Jeremy how to move his thumb out of the way. Then he squeezed his hand around Jeremy’s and jerked it in a horizontal arc, like a throat slash.

He closed the knife again and held his hand like he was also holding the knife. He nodded at Jeremy and they moved in sync. Flick open, twirl close, flip up, move thumb, slash. Jeremy grinned proudly up at him and performed it on his own. Ryan gave him a soft smile that he couldn’t see and patted his head. _Good boy._

Jeremy blushed and Ryan got a boner. Jeremy flipped the knife closed and handed it back to Ryan, looking embarrassed. Ryan was about two seconds from shoving him over the trunk and wrecking him. Luckily, the people they were waiting for finally arrived.

“Heya, fellas!” Jeremy called as they parked and stepped out, “How’s it hangin’?”

He hopped off the bumper with a cheerful little bounce and waved. The men in question looked less than thrilled, eyes darting to Ryan who was back to casually playing with the knife. They didn’t look particularly impressive, why had Jeremy needed his help? 

“So! I presume you’ve had time to think?” Jeremy asked, again way too cheerful in comparison to the rest of the gathered group.

Ryan’s presence had unnerved them, but they didn’t look like whatever Jeremy was talking about made them happy. They didn’t look like they wanted to back down either.

“We’re still not doin’ it for that,” the lead guy grumbled, “It ain’t a fair deal.”

“Tsk, I believe it’s more than fair,” Jeremy tutted, “You’re getting nearly twice the usual price.”

He bounced a bit on his heels.

“I’d say that’s pretty fair!” He joked lightly.

“No, we’re getting half the usual price!” The guy growled, “Our contacts almost always run 20k!”

Jeremy’s excited state vanished, replaced by a terrifying calm.

“Are you questioning my integrity, sir?” He asked, tone low.

The guy gulped nervously, nearly stepping back in fear. Damn, Jeremy had a bit of that intimidation going for him. He was gesturing behind his back. Ryan tossed the knife to him and he caught it by the handle before bringing it out to slash, mimicking the earlier movement. The guy was wobbling.

“10 or we find someone else,” he growled, the knife staying raised in front of him.

The guy quickly agreed and hurried off. Jeremy flicked the knife closed and handed it back. He grinned at him and winked. Ryan wanted to destroy him. 

~

Jeremy was giving Ryan a lap dance. He wasn’t sure this was necessary to their cover, but he didn’t particularly want to tell him to stop. Jeremy’s flexible, pliable body bending and twisting for him did everything to boost his ego even further. And his boner. It didn’t help that he kept imagining Gavin dancing with him in the Alice dress. 

_“Jeremy, you’re making me look bad,” Gavin would joke, “You look awesome! I’m two left feet over here.”_

_Jeremy would blush, but try to brush it off. He’d put his hands on Gavin’s hips and sidle up behind him._

_“Maybe you’d like a partnered dance?” He’d suggest, “Move your hips with mine.”_

_He presses his pelvis against Gavin’s ass and sways side to side. Gavin would work with him, body moving naturally with Jeremy’s rhythm. Jeremy’s hands would roam all over the Alice dress. He’d unzip it and the shoulders would fall loosely, baring Gavin’s collarbones, riddled with love marks. Gavin would look right at Ryan._

_“Like what you see, Ry?” He’d taunt._

Ryan jolted awake again, eyes darting around. _Focus! Goddamn focus!_ What the hell were they doing there? _Why is my lap warm?_ He blinked the fuzziness from him, registering that Jeremy was grinding his ass on his groin. Ryan was holding his waist like it was the most natural thing. He started to push him away when Jeremy leaned back against him to talk in his ear.

“11 o’clock, baby,” he whispered, “It’s about to strike midnight. My magic will disappear.”

The target was closing in on their location. If he got much closer he’d see the Vagabond mask. Ryan slipped it off and snatched some money from a pocket to shove into Jeremy’s hand. He pushed him up, shoving him away like he’d grown bored of him. Jeremy pouted, but was immediately pounced on by the target. 

Half an hour later, they dumped the guy in the trunk and headed out. Jeremy was apparently completely unashamed by his stripper outfit, despite Ryan nearly snapping the steering wheel with how bad he wanted to touch all the exposed skin. He could feel his desire deep in his bone marrow, begging him to grab that soft, moldable body and make him remember him as long as he lived.


	4. Chapter 4

Since the lap dance incident, Ryan’s desire ramped up so much he could taste how bad he wanted Jeremy. And Jeremy’s efforts doubled. Ryan wasn’t really sure why he was resisting. Maybe for the adorable look of frustration Jeremy kept giving him. It really boosted Ryan’s ego to have such a beautiful guy chasing his cock so completely desperate. But it was coming to a head and the next time they were alone in the bunker, Jeremy made his move.

Apparently he worked off advice given by Gavin as he was wearing lingerie. Vividly purple in color, stockings up thigh high, lace around his hips, garters. He went all out. Though he didn’t appear to have a bra. Thank goodness. _Bleck._

Ryan nearly came in his pants when Jeremy entered the living room like that. He was wearing a shirt, Ryan’s shirt, he realized with a shudder. _When the hell did he get one of my shirts??_ He watched as Jeremy approached him, eyes trailing down his legs. Damn they looked good in the stockings. Jeremy came to a halt in front of him and plucked the controller from his hand. 

Ryan wanted to grab him immediately and bend him over the coffee table. Jeremy grinned widely at him. Apparently he had other ideas. He turned around and parked himself right on Ryan’s boner. Ryan grunted. Jeremy looked at him over his shoulder with a sly grin.

“How long can you wait, Vagabond?” He teased.

_I can’t!_ Ryan wanted to say. He gripped the couch cushions as Jeremy turned back to the game. Ryan couldn’t remember what he’d been doing or even what game he’d been playing as Jeremy’s hips rolled on his lap. Jeremy took his hands and put them back on the controller, forcing them closer. Ryan groaned, pressing his forehead against Jeremy’s shoulder blade. 

“Come on, darlin’,” Jeremy teased, “You’re gonna fall off that cliff.”

He leaned forward, pulling away from Ryan enough that Ryan could see over his shoulder. _Breath of the Wild, right._ Jesus, Jeremy was flexible. How was he bending himself in half like that? He propped his elbows up on Ryan’s knees and watched Link moving on the screen. 

_This has to be painful,_ Ryan thought. His ass was pushed up against Ryan’s belly, his legs folded to either side of Ryan’s, and his torso laid over them. This cannot possibly be comfortable. Jeremy’s hips rolled again, rubbing their crotches together. Ryan hissed. _Fuck this!_

Ryan tossed the controller somewhere and pulled the fabric from his face before he shoved his hands up Jeremy’s sides, under the shirt. Jeremy shuddered and flexed, his own boner rubbing against Ryan’s through the fabric again. Ryan’s hands rubbed over his chest and he pulled him up, squeezing his pecs. Jeremy let out an adorably delightful squeak that made Ryan laugh.

“D-Don’t laugh!” Jeremy whined, “I-I’m n-not a squ-squeaky toy! I will l-EEP!”

He was cut off by Ryan squeezing again. Ryan chuckled, pressing closer, pulling Jeremy’s back flush with his chest. _So fucking cute, look at him._ He pressed a kiss to Jeremy’s neck and ran his hands down his torso. He pushed his fingers into the panties, wrapping around Jeremy’s erection. 

His eyebrows raised as he felt him. Much bigger than he expected. What was that thing he said? All the inches off his height had to go somewhere. Holy shit, Ryan thought he was joking. Fuck he’s big. Ryan wanted to blow him. Jeremy groaned as Ryan stroked him. He rolled his hips against him eagerly and gripped Ryan’s arms for support.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck!” Jeremy panted, “Fuck, V, fuck me! I want to feel your cock inside me! I want you so bad! Stretch me out! Make me bleed! Fuck me so hard I can’t walk!”

Ryan groaned and his hips jerked up. _Masochist. Of course._ He pulled back enough to get his hands on Jeremy’s waist and shove him down over the coffee table. Jeremy moaned as Ryan tugged his panties down around his knees. His back dipped, pushing his ass out. Ryan gasped and squeezed his own cock as he noticed Jeremy had prepared before coming to see him. _Fuck, don’t come yet!_

“V! Fuck me, please please!” Jeremy cried, writhing, “Please I’m okay I can take it, I want to take it please! Hurt me, fuck me, please!”

Ryan grunted, trying to restrain himself. As tempting as that was, he didn’t want to actually seriously damage him. He fumbled for the lube he kept in his jacket and he pressed two slick fingers inside him. Jeremy grunted and Ryan clicked his tongue. He had a feeling he hadn’t prepared properly. 

Ryan smoothed his hand over Jeremy’s back as he opened him up. _Scars._ Jeremy had scars all over his back. Ryan traced them, picturing them rather than pushing up the shirt to see them. He wasn’t sure if he was self-conscious about it since he’d worn a shirt. Jeremy was very quiet, puffing out tiny sighs as Ryan fingered him. He was practically vibrating with how hard he was trying to be patient. 

He sighed in relief when Ryan pulled his fingers out and moved into position. _Impatient._ Ryan grinned, giving Jeremy’s ass a slap. Jeremy moaned, jolting. _Masochist._ Ryan shuddered as he hastened to get himself out and into Jeremy. He pushed forward slowly, grunting. _Why is he so tight? I just finger fucked him into next year. Fuck!_

Ryan rubbed his palms over Jeremy’s hips. _Come on, baby, relax for me._ He reached around to stroke Jeremy’s cock and Jeremy whimpered. Ryan frowned down at him. _What is happening right now?_ Jeremy’s eyebrows were drawn together, but his face wasn’t showing pain. His legs were trembling. He was concentrating. Focusing on squeezing his ass around Ryan. _Why?_ Ryan smacked his ass with a growl and Jeremy lost his concentration.

Ryan pushed in fully with a moan as Jeremy’s ass opened up to him. He was practically sucking him in. Ryan shuddered as they pushed flush together. Jeremy squeezed and released several times with shaky moans. _Fuck._

“Vagabond, please!” Jeremy whined, “F-fuck me, please! I was r-really good! I laid n-nicely for y-you, didn’t I? Please, I was g-good, wasn’t I? Please!”

_Could’ve been better,_ Ryan thought, smacking his ass again. He pulled back and rocked forward carefully, making sure he was actually ready. This kid was keen on fucking himself up. _Or rather having me fuck him up._ Ryan groaned at the thought, his thrusts picking up. He ground his teeth as he pounded into Jeremy. Fuck, so hot, squeezing around him, coaxing his orgasm from. It took him a moment to realize Jeremy was whimpering out filthy words, begging Ryan to go harder and faster. 

Ryan growled in annoyance, gripping Jeremy’s hair to yank him up. _So fucking demanding._ This angle proved to be the right one as Jeremy’s babbling turned incoherent, words squeaking out around moans. And then he started crying. Ryan shuddered as Jeremy sobbed. He began to slow down to ask if he was okay, but Jeremy interrupted that line of thought.

“Yes, yes, yes! Th-thank you!” He moaned, around his sobs, “Thank y-you! Y-your c-cock feels so good! Y-yes! I w-wanna st-stay on your cock f-forever, sir! Pl-please let me please you f-forever! I-I’ll make a r-really good s-slut f-for you, sir! Y-you c-can have me any-any time y-you want!”

“Jere-Jeremy!” Ryan gasped as he came.

His hand clumsily went for Jeremy’s cock. Jeremy came obediently as soon as Ryan touched him. _Good boy, good boy,_ Ryan thought deliriously. Jeremy’s cum splattered onto the coffee table in an impressive arc. _Damn._ Ryan let go of his hair to wrap around Jeremy’s chest to hold him up. They panted, catching their breath. Ryan pressed fluttery kisses over his neck as they got their senses back. As Ryan leaned to grab the tissues from the coffee table, Jeremy jolted.

“You can talk!” He exclaimed, though a bit hoarsely, “Gavin was right!”

_Ah, shit, I did it again. Fucking lads._ He was silent as he cleaned them up. His nose wrinkled at the tissues and he tried to locate the trashcan. He had to pull away from Jeremy to grab it and Jeremy whimpered. He squeezed his side reassuringly before he pulled the trashcan over and dropped the tissues inside. 

Once they were mostly decent again, Ryan pulled Jeremy into his arms and started to carry him towards his room. Jeremy held onto him tightly around the neck. 

“It’s unlocked,” he muttered.

_It’s unlocked?_

“My room,” he added tiredly.

Ryan’s face dropped in disappointment. He didn’t want to spend time cuddling Ryan in his bed either. He pushed open Jeremy’s door and tucked him into his bed. He hesitated. He’d seemed like he needed contact earlier, but now he seemed fine. _Quick recovery. Great. Fucking lads._ Jeremy’s hand shot out and grabbed his arm as he started to turn away. Ryan raised an eyebrow at his glaring.

“You lied!” He growled.

Ryan rolled his eyes. Jeremy sat up, wincing. Ryan had to swallow down his smug smile at that. 

“Why don’t you talk?!” He demanded, “Gavin was right, it’s nice!”

He crossed his arms with an annoyed look. _Pouting. Fuck, he’s so cute._ Ryan wished he was younger because he already wanted to ravage him again.

“Why didn’t I get a kiss?!” Jeremy suddenly huffed, “Gavin said you kissed him!”

Ryan smirked at him, raising his eyebrows. Jeremy’s face went red.

“N-not th-that I’m j-jealous!” He sputtered.

Ryan pressed his hand to the small of Jeremy’s back and hauled him closer to kiss him. Jeremy eagerly reciprocated, grabbing at Ryan’s jacket to bring him closer. His teeth knocked into Ryan’s, his mouth aggressive. _Damn, he sucks at this._

Ryan grunted, shoving his tongue against Jeremy’s teeth. Jeremy understood, trying to keep his teeth back as he mouthed at Ryan. Ryan hummed his approval, swiping his tongue over Jeremy’s. _Sweet._ Jeremy swiped back, eager to learn Ryan’s lessons. Ryan leaned into him, eager to teach. He hadn’t made out with someone for that long in years. 

Jeremy groaned as Ryan nipped at his bottom lip. His body jolted and Ryan’s eyes opened. He glanced at Jeremy’s lap where there was a bulge. _This little fucking shit got it up again already._ Ryan growled, pushing harder, starting to lay him out.

_Knock knock knock!_

Jeremy’s eyes opened and they stared at each other frozen a moment. They pulled away.

“Did you lock the door?” Jeremy whispered.

Ryan cleared his throat, looking away. 

_Knock knock knock!_

“Lil J! Open up before I bust in!” Gavin shouted. 

The look of panic on Jeremy’s face was adorable. 

“Hold on!” He shouted, leaping up, “I’m not decent!”

That was true. He yanked on pj pants and hurried to the door. Ryan stifled laughter and followed him. 

“Lil J, you didn’t answer my texts!” Gavin whined, “What were you doing?”

Ryan came up around the door, standing behind Jeremy who stiffened. Gavin’s eyes went wide and Ryan grinned. Gavin grabbed Jeremy’s hands eagerly.

“Did he?!” He demanded, excitedly.

“He did!” Jeremy answered, “You were right!”

Ryan rolled his eyes. _Lads._ He leaned down and pecked Jeremy’s cheek before pulling up his face shield to push past them. Gavin’s hand snagged his jacket sleeve. He was blushing, not looking at him. Ryan grinned as he tugged the fabric back down and gave him a kiss too. _Adorable._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one’s a long one cuz it has two sexy scenes! :D

Jeremy ended up not saying anything about his ability to speak. Not to the whole crew anyway. Obviously Gavin knew, but Ryan didn’t get called in for another intervention. Though Jeremy was making sex jokes at Ryan a lot more and winking. _Absolutely shameless._ Gavin meanwhile went red anytime they touched or locked eyes. Ryan wanted to play with him just to see the adorable way he got flustered.

Michael seemed to be out of the loop or else had a poker face to rival all others. Ryan wondered why the other lads didn’t say anything. Maybe he just wasn’t gay, so they kept their rendezvous on the down low. It didn’t seem like they were less close with Michael, so it had to be something to that effect. 

Unfortunately, this became A Problem. Ryan’s set wasn’t complete. He couldn’t leave it at 2/3, he needed to get the last one. Like a fucking puzzle missing one last piece. His mind was spiraling into a very unhealthy place. A place where Michael started to become an object to obtain, rather than his crewmate.  He needed to get his mind off it, bury himself in work or someone else. He wasn’t all that picky.

He considered trying to fuck one of the other lads, but he was worried his tongue was too loose with them. He didn’t want to push his luck even if they were extremely attractive. And very willing, based on the heated looks they kept throwing him. Then he considered trying to get them to fuck each other.

If Gavin and Jeremy fucked, then he would certainly be distracted from Michael. But how the hell was he going to convince them? Truly he just wanted to haul them both over his shoulders and plop them on his bed. Then he’d arrange them how he wanted them. 

Yes, focus on that. _Jeremy’s knees spread wide, Gavin between them, smirking up at him. Jeremy whining as Gavin presses tiny kisses all over his thighs._

_“What is it, Jeremy?” Gavin coos._

_“Pl-please!” Jeremy cries._

_“Hm, that’s not very good begging,” Gavin scolds, “Is it, Ry?”_

_Ryan shakes his head. More._

_“Pl-please, Ry, tell him to suck me off!” Jeremy whines, looking at Ryan, “I’ll blow you too, I can do it!”_

_“You suck at sucking,” Gavin scoffs._

_“Then y-you can f-fuck me, Ry!” Jeremy offers, voice desperate, “I-I promised, didn’t I? Ryan, please!”_

Ryan jolted into the present, his knee slamming into the dining table.

“Dude, you good?” Michael asked, from across the table, “Bout gave me a fucking heart attack.”

Ryan blushed, abruptly standing up to leave. _Jesus. So embarrassing. I need to do something._

~

Ryan was quite pleased with himself. He’d figured a work around: can’t talk when your mouth is full. He wanted to blow both Jeremy and Gavin anyway, so it was a win-win for him. He was a bit out of practice, but it’s just like riding a bicycle, isn’t it? 

He paced around his room, fidgeting. Fuck, he was nervous. He could be terrible at blowjobs now. He used to be great, but that was awhile ago. The more he’d thought about blowing them though, the harder it became to calm himself down. He wanted to taste them, wanted to feel them in his throat, watch them come undone as he sucked them off. He rubbed at his dick through his jeans. _Down boy. Wait til he gets here._

_Knock knock knock!_

_Perfect._ He moved to open the door and Gavin smiled shyly at him. He stepped aside to let him in and was completely ready to tackle him to the floor. He wasn’t sure if it was good or bad he hadn’t worn the dress. He’d sort of assumed he would. Gavin made a beeline for his bed, hopping up immediately. He grinned at Ryan as he approached.

“Did you miss me?” He teased.

Ryan rolled his eyes and climbed onto the bed, pushing him back to get his pants open.

“Good to see you too, V,” Gavin grumbled.

He was mad. Ryan leaned over him to kiss him. _Mouth is still technically full if I put my tongue in his, right? Who cares? I’m using it productively, not on speech._ Gavin moved against him, writhing under him, rubbing his hands all over Ryan’s body. Ryan groaned, rolling their hips together. _No, focus!_

He pulled his hips back, getting his hand between them to undo Gavin’s jeans. Gavin shuddered as he reached inside and grasped his cock. Ryan’s mouth watered as he pulled him free and gave a few slow strokes. Their messy kisses stopped and Ryan trailed down to bite Gavin’s throat.

“Jesus, V,” Gavin groaned, “Why’d your mouth go all wet??”

_Cause you’re so appetizing,_ Ryan was glad he didn’t say out loud. Ryan shoved up Gavin’s shirt to bite down his chest and belly. Ryan was basically a drooling mess when he finally got his mouth on Gavin’s dick. He closed his mouth around the head, tonguing at the tip where precum was beading up. He lightly pressed his teeth around him, eyes flicking up to gauge Gavin’s reaction. 

His eyes were squeezed shut, his face twisted as he panted. Ryan watched him jolt as he lowered himself down his cock, his mouth and throat avidly protesting at the size of it. He arched off the bed, jerking up into Ryan’s mouth with a groan. Ryan sucked as he slid the rest of the way down. 

“Fucking hell!” Gavin moaned loudly, “Jesus, V, your mouth is so bloody good.”

Ryan hummed, pulling back before surging down again. _Fuck my jaw hurts._ He wrapped his hand around him, moving in time with his mouth, using his own excessive saliva as lube to smooth the way. 

“F-fuck, V!” Gavin gasped, “Y-you better quit before I cum!”

Ryan did not do that. Instead, he twisted his hand and sucked. Gavin cried out, frantically grabbing at Ryan’s long hair as his body tightened. Ryan quickened his pace and seconds later Gavin was shooting hot jizz down his throat. Gavin collapsed back to the bed, panting. Ryan made sure he was clean while he caught his breath. 

Ryan waited, unsure. Gavin looked pretty spent, worn out, but last time he’d left when Ryan tried to cuddle. Ryan shifted, crawling over next to him. He laid on his side so he could watch Gavin’s reaction to his presence. Gavin cracked an eye open to look at him. 

“Gimme a sec,” he mumbled, “I can’t feel my legs.”

Ryan snorted out a laugh. _Dork._ Finally Gavin twisted to face him, pressing up against him.

“What’s your pleasure, boss?” He teased, winking.

His hand trailed to Ryan’s crotch where he was rock hard.  Ryan grabbed his wrist, but moaned as Gavin rubbed his fingers over his boner. _Fuck, pull him off! You’re gonna slip up if you don’t!_ Gavin was undoing his pants, but Ryan’s body was shaking with desire. He let go of Gavin’s wrist to haul his face in closer to kiss him hoping Gavin would swallow up all the desperate pleas he wanted to cry. Gavin pulled back with a scowl.

“Urgh, my jizz is super gross,” he grumbled.

Ryan let out a sharp, breathless laugh as Gavin pulled his cock free. He let go immediately and Ryan gave a whiny growl, grabbing his wrist, trying to force his hand back. Gavin laugh at him, gently trailing his fingertips over Ryan’s cock.

“What is it, darling?” Gavin taunted, “You want me to touch you?”

Ryan nodded frantically. Gavin’s thumb swiped through precum and he lifted it to Ryan’s mouth. Ryan immediately licked his own precum off him, eager to please. Gavin smirked at him, spreading his hand out.

“I’m going to need some lube,” he pointed out, smirk widening into a wicked grin.

Ryan’s mouth watered again and he quickly coated Gavin’s hand in saliva. He chased his hand as it moved away, whining at the loss of something for his mouth to work on. Gavin’s hand wrapped around the base of his dick and he groaned, eyelashes fluttering. Gavin leaned closer, putting his lips to Ryan’s ear.

“You want me to jerk you off?” He whispered, waiting for an eager nod from Ryan, “Then you need to say “please, sir”. If you do, I’ll make you cum so hard you forget you said it.”

Ryan gasped, letting out a strained moan.

“Please, sir!” He blurted breathlessly before he could stop himself. 

“Good job, baby,” Gavin praised as he started stroking, “Now let me hear all your beautiful noises from your pretty mouth.”

Ryan groaned, gripping at Gavin’s shirt and arms as Gavin’s hand sped up. _Fuck._ His hips jerked into it as Gavin’s pace slowed and sped up several times. Ryan was in tears as he moaned and whimpered pathetically. 

It was taking forever and Ryan’s body was shuddering with how bad he wanted to cum. After years of agonizing waiting, Gavin’s hand finally began to move with purpose and Ryan panted heavily as he felt himself coiling up. _Close close close!_

“Cum for me, baby,” Gavin growled in his ear.

“Gavin!” Ryan shouted, jerking as he came.

Ryan went limp, completely exhausted. He sleepily registered Gavin pressing kisses to his jaw and cleaning the jizz up. He flopped an arm over him and hauled him closer, squeezing him against his chest before he could escape again. He snuggled his face into his hair, sighing. _Fuck, I’m attached_ , he thought as he fell asleep.

He did not almost cry when he woke up to an empty bed. _I’m alone again._ He curled into a fetal position and pressed his eyelids into his knees. _This isn’t going to end well, is it?_

~

At first Ryan thought Jeremy was ignoring his summons and he felt disappointed. Not mad per se, just disappointed that Jeremy didn’t want him any more. His ego was taking a swan dive. But then the knock came at the door. Ryan puffed a sigh of relief and hurried to answer it. His eyes widened and he closed the door, then reopened it immediately to see if he was hallucinating. _Nope._

“You gonna let me in?” Jeremy asked, apparently completely unfazed by his state of dress.

_Did Gavin recommend this as well?_ Ryan thought as he stepped aside. Jeremy bounced in, looking around the room. Ryan checked him out as he did so. Another blue dress, but this one was a touch darker with sparkly embroidery. No apron, but it had a puffy overskirt, showing the underskirt in a wide V cut out. Ryan came closer to admire the outfit and noted his choice of footwear. Clear heels. Glass slippers. Cinderella.

_It’s about to strike midnight. My magic will disappear._

Ryan felt himself magnetically pulled to the ground in front of Jeremy and he knelt down to worship his beautiful legs. His stockings were white this time around and soft under Ryan’s fingers as he trailed them up the fabric. Jeremy shuddered as Ryan’s hands moved up and down his legs and despite the fluffy nature of the skirt, he was quickly showing Ryan he liked the attention. Ryan tried not to openly drool as Jeremy’s dick tried to show off just how big it was.

Ryan stood and quickly took Jeremy’s waist, nearly throwing him onto the bed before climbing over him to kiss him deeply. Jeremy groaned, immediately wrapping himself around him and Ryan humped against him, shuddering as he felt Jeremy’s cock through his pants. He quickly broke off the kiss to bite at Jeremy’s neck, which was mistake number one: he freed Jeremy’s mouth. After a gasp of air, filth poured from Jeremy’s sweet lips.

“V! Pl-please!” He cried, “I n-need you! I need you, sir, pl-please! I’ve been a g-good boy haven’t I? I wa-waited so long, sir, p-please! I need you to f-fuck me! I need you to spl-split me and break me! Fuck m-me please sir!”

_Fuck._ Ryan groaned, biting his tongue to stop himself from saying a string of naughty things back. _Focus! Focus!_ He groped Jeremy’s pecs causing a squeak and Ryan grinned. _So cute._ He pulled away, pushing up the skirt to see Jeremy’s boner and moaned at the sight of it. Fuck he didn’t get a good look last time. Long. Not as wide as Gavin, but still fairly girthy. _Mm._

“F-fuck!” Jeremy hissed, “Y-you just-!”

Ryan looked up, though his head was fuzzy with lust. Jeremy was blushing crimson, gripping the sheets tightly as he stared down at him. Ryan grinned and ducked down. Jeremy shuddered as soon as his mouth closed around him. 

“V, fuck! Y-your mouth is amazing!” He groaned, hips twitching.

Ryan’s ego was back on track again. He sucked Jeremy down further into him, shoving it past his gag reflex as he swallowed around him. Jeremy arched off the bed with a cry.

“V I’m n-not gonna last l-long!” He warned in a breathy voice, “F-fuck, please! I n-need you!”

Mistake number two was reaching for lube to finger bang Jeremy while he blew him. Again, he’d come prepared. Not enough to take Ryan’s cock, but better than last time. _Good boy,_ Ryan thought as he pushed two fingers inside him. Jeremy started crying again, but this time Ryan was sure there was no pain on his face. 

“Pl-please, sir!” Jeremy sobbed, “I-I’ve been g-good! Ha-haven’t I? Please, I need you in-inside me! Wh-What did I do? I-I’ll do b-better, please!”

_Fuck._ Ryan’s chest ached at Jeremy’s desperate voice. He squeezed his eyes closed as he rubbed his free hand over Jeremy’s hip, trying to soothe him. _You were a good boy, you were!_ Jeremy choked on a sob and Ryan looked up. Jeremy’s face was covered by his hands and he was letting out miserable moans. _Fuck!_

“I’m sorry!” Jeremy whimpered, “I can do better! Please!”

Ryan was off and over him in an instant, arms around him, squeezing him. He made shushing sounds between little kisses as he ran his clean hand through Jeremy’s hair. Jeremy clutched at his shirt, body relaxing slightly and he buried his face in Ryan’s chest. He mumbled something Ryan couldn’t hear, so mistake number three happened: he pulled away just enough for Jeremy to say it again. 

“I-I was a v-virgin,” he mumbled, tearfully, “I d-don’t know wh-what to do to pl-please you! Y-you have t-to teach me.”

Ryan’s resolve broke, shattered, exploded and he shoved his mouth on Jeremy’s. _Sweet. Chocolate?_ He pushed his tongue deep in his mouth, trying to claim it. _Mine. No one else has him_. He fumbled with his belt, struggling a second to get himself out and lubed, but he didn’t break the kiss for fear of the horribly possessive things he wanted to say. 

They moaned into each other’s mouths as Ryan pushed in. _Fuck, so soft and hot and tight. Jesus, him being a virgin explains a lot._ He groaned as he rocked back and forth. He kept his mouth over Jeremy’s, though his rutting picked up, making kissing mostly pecks. He had to keep his mouth on something though or else he was going to say some real fucked up shit. 

“Thank you!” Jeremy cried against his mouth.

“Jeremy!” Ryan gasped as he came.

He thrust a few more times, jerking Jeremy off as he did so until Jeremy came with an incoherent string of words. Ryan thought “Vagabond” might’ve been in there, but the shrieking quality of Jeremy’s voice made it hard to tell. Ryan did his best to hold himself up as he pressed light kisses against Jeremy’s neck.

“Good boy,” he mumbled.

Jeremy shuddered and Ryan bit his tongue. _Damnit._

“R-really?” Jeremy pressed, looking teary-eyed.

_I want to destroy you._ Ryan pulled up to nod and caressed his cheek, smiling. Jeremy blushed, but his lips pulled into a wide grin.

“I made you talk again!” He teased, still a little watery from his crying.

Ryan rolled his eyes and grabbed tissues. _Fucking lads,_ he thought as he wiped them up. _Goddamnit, he jizzed on the dress._ He sighed as he did his best to clean up the fluffy fabric. _So pretty. They shouldn’t wear these when fucking!_ He scowled at the white spot that was already sinking in. _Damnit._

“V, you like clothes?” Jeremy suddenly asked, “Or is it just sexy clothes?”

Ryan looked up at him and frowned before looking away. _Do I like clothes? What does that mean?_ He certainly liked their dresses and the lingerie and the stockings. He looked down at the edge of Jeremy’s right stocking and ran his fingers over it. _I... don’t know._ He shrugged and went back to cleaning. 

“Do you...wanna wear one of these?” Jeremy pressed on.

Ryan tossed the tissues as he considered it. Fluffy skirts around his thighs, stockings past his knees, pretty silky fabric over his chest. He blushed scarlet. But he was lanky and awkward and not pretty like the lads. _They had full beards and still looked pretty in the dresses. I would look stupid._ He shook his head, embarrassed. He crawled over to lay down next to Jeremy who wiggled up against his chest. _Yes!_ Ryan put his arm around him and pulled him tight to him. He pressed his nose into Jeremy’s hair.

“You know, Michael makes these,” Jeremy said, tugging at the skirt, “He’d probably make one for you. If you want.”

_Michael makes them? Interesting._ The explosive expert makes pretty dresses. He trailed his fingers over the fabric, face burning and heart pounding.He finally nodded, though he was sure pretty sure he’d regret it later. 

Jeremy grinned and squeezed his hand.

“I’ll ask him for you,” he assured him.

Ryan nodded again and squeezed him against him, kissing his shoulder. _Now sleep, kid! I’m fucking exhausted trying to keep up with you!_


	6. Chapter 6

Ryan didn’t leave his room for 79 hours after he woke up alone. When he did finally come out of his room it was only going to be long enough to fix food then leave again. They were hovering nearby though. First it was Gavin who saw him, then he apparently sent a group text as a few seconds later the only absent one was Michael. He could hear everything they were saying too, but he pretended not to.

“Well?” Geoff hissed, “What’s going on?”

“You think I know?!” Gavin grunted, “How the bloody hell should I know?! I just found him!”

“He’s eating,” Jack spoke up, “That’s probably good news.”

“You...think he hasn’t eaten til now?” Jeremy mumbled.

Ryan’s chest squeezed. He thought it was his fault. _Damnit._

“Well, he hasn’t left the room,” Geoff pointed out, “So that or he has a mini fridge.”

He did, but it was filled with Diet Coke.

“He does, but it’s just Diet Coke,” Gavin answered. 

Ryan had to force himself not to react to that. Gavin had been in his fucking mini fridge. _Tool._ What else did he look through when he wasn’t cuddling Ryan? 

“What?” Gavin whispered as the others probably shot him confused looks, “What? You guys haven’t snuck into everyone’s rooms for snacks?”

Ryan believed he had done that for everyone else’s rooms, but not his. He’d been invited in when he snooped in his room. They had a whisper-fight about where all the missing snacks had gone and Jack nearly strangled Gavin. It would’ve been amusing if Ryan wasn’t fucking miserable. He pushed vegetables around the frying pan.

_I talked too much. Everything sucks now._ He could hear frantic whispers, but his mind was getting fuzzy. _Fuck, I waited too long to eat._

“Yo, Vagabond, sup?” Michael asked, suddenly by his elbow.

Ryan jumped, instinctively whipping a knife out. Michael raised an eyebrow at him. He stowed it, immediately feeling bad.

“Can I have a private word with you?” Michael requested.

Ryan was unsure if that was a good idea. But he nodded, flipping off the burner. The rest of the crew looked unsure if it was a good idea as well as they passed. Looked like they were preparing Michael’s funeral. Michael lead him to his room and closed the door behind him.

“Jeremy tells me you want a dress,” Michael explained, “One like the Alice and Cinderella dresses. I just want to make sure that’s true.”

Ryan’s entire body went red. He’d forgotten about agreeing to that. _Shit._ He looked away, feeling extremely embarrassed and caught off guard.

“I understand this is awkward,” Michael assured him, “So you don’t have to say yes, but even if you don’t want to wear it, I’d actually like to try this idea of mine. You could just model for me, you won’t have to wear it ever again. If you’d be into that.”

Ryan felt a little less tense at that. If it was just a one time thing, then yeah, that’d be way easier. He finally nodded, not looking at Michael as he agreed. Michael brightened up, clapping his hands together.

“Awesome! Thank you so much!” He exclaimed, “I’ll pay you, I promise.”

Ryan shook his head. He really didn’t want to get money involved in this. Felt entirely too close to uncomfortable things.

“Okay, then dinner?” Michael offered, “I get the lads food when they model. They get me food when I make them sex outfits. And again when I clean jizz off for them.”

Ryan covered his burning face. _Fucking kill me._

“So stop cleaning them up so good!” Michael grunted, smacking his arm, “You’re making me lose my free meals.”

Ryan snorted, throwing him a dry look. Michael just grinned and winked.

“Can I take your measurements now?” He prompted, grabbing his hand and pulling him deeper in the room.

Ryan stumbled along with him, realizing there was a divide in the room. On the other side was exactly what you’d expect from a dress maker. Sewing machines, fabric, thread, a curtained off portion with a small pedestal that Michael led him to. And Ryan noted one corner had shipping boxes. _Huh, Michael actually sells the dresses online._

“You gotta get down to your underwear,” he instructed, pulling a tape measure from seemingly nowhere, “Before it even happens, don’t worry: everyone gets boners when they get fitted. It’s something about physical contact.”

Ryan was pretty sure that wasn’t what his boner was about to be about. He felt more at ease now though. Michael was good at easing tension. Though it ramped up again as soon as Michael touched his bare skin. He squeezed his eyes shut so he didn’t have to see Michael’s reaction to the fact he got a boner the second he touched him. 

Michael did not care though, just going about his business sliding his fingers all over Ryan’s skin. And he was almost certain he could’ve whacked Michael in the face with how hard he got when he measured his thighs. Or whatever he was doing down there. Ryan knew what he _wanted_ him to be doing down there.

“You got nice legs, buddy,” Michael commented, “They’ll look great in stockings.”

Ryan nearly bit through his tongue. He suddenly wanted Michael to praise him more. Wanted him to dress him up and tell him he looked pretty. Ryan nearly fainted. _Fuck, I need to eat._ After Michael was done, he helped Ryan get back in his clothes and stayed next to him as they walked down the hallway. 

“I ordered pizza,” he informed him, “It’s probably here by now.”

Sure enough, the smell of pizza and the sound of the crew enjoying it wafted around the corner. Michael made sure he got in a chair and gave him a coke before he went to make himself coffee. Ryan noticed him grimacing as he drank it. 

_Michael doesn’t like coffee. Why does he drink so damn much of it?_ He thought back to the stack of shipping boxes. _He’s totally overworking himself._ Ryan had the urge to tell him to take care of himself, but he swallowed it down with some pizza.

~

“Okay, there’s the dress,” Michael pointed out, “Stockings there. Shoes there. You don’t have to wear them if you don’t want to. Gavin didn’t.”

Ryan nodded, shifting nervously. Michael smiled lightly.

“It’s okay, buddy,” he assured him, “You’re gonna look great.”

He winked and closed the curtains. Ryan waited until he passed the dividers to open the dress bag. It was blue, which didn’t really surprise Ryan since the other two were also blue. It had a dark blue corset over a powder blue top and a bright blue skirt. It wasn’t as fluffy as the others, but it did have some underskirt. This dress tickled the back of his mind as well, but he couldn’t place it. It was so pretty Ryan was sure it couldn’t possibly be for him.

Ryan was so nervous his hands were shaking as he dropped his clothes. He hesitated a moment before dropping his boxers. He thought that they wouldn’t go very well with the dress. He slipped the dress up his legs and over his torso. _Soft, silky._ He pulled his arms through and looked down. The skirt was longer than he expected, reaching his knees. The sleeves went past his elbows, elastic on the ends keeping them in place. He reached back and carefully zipped it up. The corset part squeezed to his torso snugly. 

He ran his hands over the silky soft skirt, feeling like they were too rough to touch something so nice. He wanted to hurry up and see the dress, so he sat and quickly slipped the stockings on. They matched the powder blue of the top and reached up to mid-thigh. The shoes, thankfully just flats, matched the midnight blue of the corset. He felt a bit silly looking down at himself. It just didn’t seem like he was pretty enough for such things. He hesitated at the curtains. 

To see the dress, he had to let Michael see it as well. He felt like he was wearing pretty things that belonged to someone else. He wanted to cover his face and hide away, embarrassed by how stupid he must look. He reached up and touched his hair. _Maybe...I’ll be prettier with my hair down?_ It was the only thing anyone ever complemented him on other than his eyes. And the quality of his mouth. 

He tugged his fair free of the tie, letting it sweep down over his shoulder. _Okay. Okay. I can do it. Gavin walked halfway across the bunker in the Alice dress, I can do it._ He took a deep breath and pushed through the curtain. Then hesitated again at the dividers. Michael’s just on the other side. _Waiting. Come on,_ Vagabond! _Fucking go!_

He gently pushed the divider forward and poked his head out. Michael was sitting in a chair, leaning forward, with his elbows on his knees, face drawn up and his hands clasped in front of his mouth. He looked about as nervous as Ryan felt. 

He straightened up as he noticed Ryan, smiling. Ryan’s face was no doubt tomato in color as he stepped fully through the dividers. He stepped forward a few steps, anxiously fidgeting with the skirt. Michael stood up and walked over to him.

“I-I made you a b-bow too,” he mumbled, “C-can I put it in your hair?”

Ryan nodded, turning and dipping slightly to let Michael tie the bow in his hair.

“Th-there you go,” Michael whispered, “All done.”

He turned around and Michael stepped back to look at him. Ryan’s hands twisted together and fidgeted with the skirt as he waited. 

_Knock knock knock!_

“Micool! Ask if we can see!” Gavin cried from the other side of the door.

Michael got a panicked look on his face and shoved Ryan back behind the dividers.

“J-Just wait one sec!” He whispered, “I’ll get rid of them, okay?”

Ryan nodded and Michael flashed him a sweet smile before getting the door. 

“Sorry, lads,” he announced, “He’s, uh, not r-ready for an, um, audience.”

“Oh my god, he looks amazing!” Gavin squealed, “Look at him!”

Ryan looked around. _They can’t see me, how would they know?_

“I know, he’s practically drooling,” Jeremy snickered.

_Drooling? Me?_ He touched his mouth. 

“Sh-Shut up!” Michael growled, “Get out of h-here before I rip your pr-pretty faces from your thick skulls!”

_Not me,_ Michael. 

“He’s totally got a boner!” Gavin sang.

Ryan flushed. _He does?_

“F-fuck off!” Michael snarled, “Y-you’re making h-him nervous! Go away!” 

He slammed the door and locked it. Ryan peeked out again, nervous. Michael was breathing heavily by the door, bracing himself against it with one arm. Ryan shifted, stepping out. _Is he really like that...because of me?_ He started towards him and Michael looked around at him, giving him a strained smile.

“You look awesome, buddy,” he grunted, “I’m just...c-catching my breath. Fuck, you sh-shouldn’t come near me r-right now.”

Then his eyes dropped, running down Ryan’s body. Ryan felt a spark of electricity in him as Michael obviously checked him out. His face burned as his appreciation of Michael’s gaze began to make an appearance. He pressed his hands together in front of him, trying to hide the evidence and stared at the floor.

“Am I...pretty?” He whispered quietly.

“Fucking shit!” Michael hissed, turning and walking towards him quickly.

Ryan wasn’t sure if he was going to hit him or what, but he flinched as Michael stopped in front of him. He grabbed his face and made him look at him.

“You are the prettiest goddamn thing on the entire fucking planet,” he growled.

Ryan fizzled, trying to cover his face, but Michael pulled him in for a kiss, hands running through his hair around the bow. Ryan grabbed at Michael’s shirt while he eagerly mouthed back. Michael pulled off his mouth and Ryan whined.

“Fuck, I want you so bad,” Michael groaned, “So fucking cute. D-do you-do you want this? Do you want me?”

Ryan nodded frantically. _Please!_ Michael took hold of his waist and started backing him up until he bumped into and fell onto Michael’s bed. He followed him down, hands running down his waist to the skirt, shoving it up out of the way. Ryan covered his face at how hard he was and missed Michael leaning down. 

He jolted and moaned as Michael’s tongue swiped up his cock. He looked between his fingers at Michael who smirked up at him. Ryan closed his fingers back with a squeak and Michael’s laughed puffed over his dick. 

“So goddamn cute,” Michael teased, between licking him, “I fucking knew it. I knew you’d be damn adorable. I’m gonna cream my fucking jeans, fuck.”

Ryan shook his head, reaching for him frantically. Michael straightened out, leaning over him with a smug grin.

“No?” He prompted, voice low, “You want me to cum inside you, pretty boy?”

Ryan shuddered and nodded as Michael pressed open-mouthed kisses on his neck.

“Pretty little Ariel,” He moaned against his skin, “I knew you’d be a fucking perfect Ariel. Fuck, ever since the Alice dress I’ve dreamt about you in this dress. I wanted to see you so fucking bad, I needed to see you. So pretty, so perfect, fuck.”

Ryan moaned, breathy and drawn out and Michael reached over to open his nightstand. Ryan whined as he pulled away. Michael flashed him a wicked grin as he pulled out lube.  Ryan watched him carefully as he slipped a finger inside him. He winced and shuddered. _Been awhile._

Michael kissed the edge of the right stocking and Ryan’s hands squeezed in tight fists on the bedsheets. He gasped out another breathy moan as Michael slid in a second finger, his face muzzling against Ryan’s thigh.

“I love your beautiful legs around my ears,” Michael groaned, “N-next time I gotta fucking blow you. Next time n-no dress so I can see your beautiful body too. I can’t let the other lads see you in your dress, then they’ll wanna fuck you too. I don’t wanna share your tight little ass.”

Ryan shuddered, jerking upwards as Michael bit down on his thigh, just above the stocking. He sucked a mark there as his fingering got more forceful. Ryan shook with how bad he wanted Michael, how bad Michael wanted, to fuck him. 

“Fuck, okay, I need to get inside you,” Michael growled once he’d managed to get four fingers in him, “Are you still okay? And ready?”

Ryan nodded quickly and Michael took his hand away to open his jeans. Ryan sat up on his elbows, spreading his knees wider to see. Michael’s cock was pretty. Pale and pink, veins standing out. He stroked himself slowly and Ryan groaned. He wanted it, he wanted to have it in him, in his mouth. _Mm._

“Like what you see, pretty boy?” Michael taunted.

Ryan flushed darker and nodded sheepishly. Michael grinned like a wolf and pushed up against the back of his thighs. Ryan gasped, body arching off the bed as Michael pushed into him. Fuck, it’d been so long since he last had a dick in his ass. Michael’s was perfect. He writhed under him, brain going fuzzy. 

Michael let out a growl of a moan and his hips started moving, snapping back and forth quickly while he held onto his waist. He leaned over him, gripping his face forcefully, moving it to the side. He pressed his mouth up to Ryan’s ear. Ryan wrapped his arms around his neck, moaning.

“Your ass is mine now,” he growled, “Such a pretty little boy, looking innocent with those doe eyes, but you’re a filthy little cock-sucker, aren’t you? Little boy with a greedy little asshole. So beautiful, so adorable, but so fucking hungry for my cock, aren’t you?”

Ryan gasped and moaned, nearly choking in his own tongue. _Fuck, that’s fucking filthy._ And yes, he was, for the record, very hungry for it. Michael reached down to take hold of his dick, slowly stroking him.

“Let me hear you sing, Ariel,” Michael groaned, “Let me hear you moaning and crying for me with that pretty mouth.”

His thrusts turned sloppier and harder, driving Ryan into the bed. Ryan moaned and rocked against him. He thought he could see the universe a moment as he came, twisting in Michael’s arms.

“Michael!” He gasped.

Michael grunted and pulsed inside him, groaning with his own orgasm. He leaned over, immediately grabbing tissues to clean the dress.

“Damnit,” Michael muttered, “Now I know how they got dirty. I don’t wanna picture that.

_Wow, there goes the lads threesome_ , Ryan thought laughing, as he ran a hand over his face. Michael looked up at him, startled. 

“Whoa, you can laugh!” He commented brightly.

Ryan covered his face. _Damnit._ Had he really never laughed in front of them before? Outside the bedroom anyway. 

_Outside the bedroom._ Suddenly his brain began to process the lads’ behavior. Were they...still scared of him? Did they think he’d wake up and not want them around any more? He pressed his hands hard against his eyelids. _Why wouldn’t they think that? When have I ever shown them affection outside of sex? They think I...just want sex from them. Is that all I want?_

“V? You there?” Michael called, tugging at his wrist, “Are you alright?”

Ryan dropped his hands and tugged on Michael’s shirt. _Cuddle me, I’m cold and alone and empty_! 

“You want to cuddle?” Michael guessed doubtfully.

Ryan nodded and Michael gave him a gentle smile before laying down beside him. Ryan snuggled his face into Michael’s chest and squeezed his arm around him to hold him tightly. Michael untied the bow from his hair and tossed it somewhere behind Ryan. Then he gently ran his fingers through Ryan’s hair. 

“You’re really beautiful, V,” Michael whispered, almost sounding like he didn’t mean to say it out loud.

Ryan blushed and buried his face further in Michael’s shirt. _I don’t think I just want sex from them._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: brief accidental misgendering

Ryan was trying to start small. He wanted to carefully ease the lads into understanding he cared for them. But once the floodgate was open, it gushed from him in a sweeping torrent. He wanted to shower them in affection, he suddenly felt warm just being near one of them.

It was particularly hard with Jeremy, pun intended. Every physical touch sent the kid into sex mode. They’d almost fucked in the kitchen when Ryan had squeezed his shoulder and he dropped to his knees immediately. They _had_ fucked in the gym when Ryan kissed him after his shower. Ryan wasn’t sure if it was a virgin thing or if he was just a slut, but he was going to have a heart attack at this rate. He, at the very least, seemed capable of limiting his words to only “Jeremy” and “good boy”, so he had that working for him. 

Gavin on the other hand, shied away from him, face beet red any time he touched him or even looked at him. They did not have any near-sex encounters outside Ryan’s bedroom. He always visited Ryan at night when he wanted to bang. Which was not nearly as often as Jeremy, thank Christ. Instead, Gavin kept jumping away from him any time he approached him. He would occasionally grab Ryan’s sleeve when no one else was around, silently asking for a kiss. These moments made Ryan feel giddy, like he was so close to getting there.

Michael was by far the easiest to give affection to, but the least satisfying. He was always exhausted or asleep. So Ryan could sit so close they were touching and Michael would make no reaction. He’d wrapped his arms around him in the kitchen while he was making coffee and the only reaction he got was a tiny smile. And they didn’t have sex again. Ryan felt like maybe Michael was waiting on him to make the move, but he wasn’t nearly as confident as the lads. 

He was curled up in bed, one night, staring at his phone, depressed, when he realized what a fucking moron he was. _Phone. Duh._ He should ask for their numbers then he could text them. He wasn’t very good at communicating, verbal or digital, but he was a slight smidge better at texting than talking. Now he had a plan. He could do it. 

The next day he confidently held his phone out to Jeremy, open to the contacts. Jeremy raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“You want my number?” He guessed, looking uncertain, “Uh, why?”

Ryan faltered. He hadn’t considered that they’d want to know why. He struggled a moment before he finally decided speech was necessary.

“Talk,” He grunted.

“You wanna talk to me?” Jeremy asked, brightening up.

Ryan nodded, ignoring his blushing face. He wiggled the phone impatiently and Jeremy took it. He typed in the info and handed it back, grinning. Ryan grinned back and looked at the contact.

_ Cinderella _

He blushed scarlet and Jeremy laughed, poking his arm. 

“You can take a picture for my profile,” he suggested.

He held up a peace sign and winked. Ryan took the picture and set it as his contact photo. He had a whooping three contacts now. He smiled softly. How exciting. He looked back at Jeremy and kissed his lips. He signed “Thank you” at him and he brightened impossibly further. 

“I understood that one!” He laughed, “You’re welcome! I can’t wait to hear how upset Gavin gets.”

Ryan frowned, but Jeremy bounded off before he could ask why. He was jittery as he waited another hour before Gavin finally rolled out of bed looking adorably sleepy. He held his phone out to him and Gavin rubbed his eyes.

“You want my number?” Gavin mumbled, “Okay.”

He took the phone but paused, eyes narrowing. 

“You got Lil J’s first!” He pouted, “But I was first!”

He scowled up at him. Ryan rolled his eyes and tapped his watch, reminding him how late his lazy ass got out of bed. Gavin harrumphed, but put in his information. Ryan held up the phone to take a picture, but Gavin covered it. 

“I-I’m still all s-sleep gross!” He protested, face pink, “Take it later!”

Ryan grinned at him and signed his thanks. Gavin leaned up for a kiss unprompted and Ryan quickly swooped down to kiss him, heart soaring. Then Gavin pushed away, face extremely red as he hurried to make himself look like he wasn’t embarrassed. Ryan just laughed and ruffled his hair as he left. 

Later he noted that Gavin’s info was under “Alice”, making him first on the list of contacts. Ryan rolled his eyes, smiling fondly. _Dork._ He was still looking at his four contacts, smiling when he suddenly impacted with someone. He grunted, stepping back to see Jack eyeing him curiously.

“What’re you smiling about?” He prompted.

Ryan blushed and almost showed him his phone instinctively. He locked it and stowed it, shrugging. Jack laughed and patted his shoulder.

“I’m happy to see you so happy, man,” He admitted, “We were starting to wonder if you’d never warm up to us.”

_I may have warmed up a bit too much._ He gave Jack a sheepish smile and shrugged.

“I mean not after Ray happened,” Jack added, “Thought you might be and then...well, you know.”

Ryan’s chest squeezed. _Right._ How many years had it been now? The one he’d started warming up to suddenly moved across the country. Two years now? He’d been on the crew a year, slowly warming up to Ray, who was great at ignoring his oddities and then he was suddenly gone. Jack squeezed his shoulder.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring you down, man,” he muttered, “I’m just so glad that didn’t ruin everything for you.”

Ryan smiled at him and shook his head. Jack was leaning, he wanted to hug Ryan, but he was being respectful of Ryan’s personal boundaries. Ryan wasn’t sure if it was the sudden surge of warmth in his chest for the man, his newly reawakened desire for affection, or just the way Jack looked like he would explode if he didn’t hug him, but Ryan took the dive, wrapping his arms around the man and squeezing. Jack immediately bear-hugged him back, actually lifting him off the ground and squeezing him so hard he wheezed. He patted Jack’s back, attempting to tap out of this fight and was put down pretty quickly. Jack squeezed his shoulders.

“Welcome to the family,” he teased before finally leaving him to go off to the kitchen. 

Ryan rubbed his ribs with a scowl, but it immediately softened into a smile. He got a sudden sinking feeling. He was feeling too good, so something had to go wrong. As he stopped in front of Michael’s door, he got a feeling he was going to find the wrong there. He knocked, then waited a bit and knocked louder. He checked the time. He should be awake by now. Eventually the door opened and an utterly exhausted Michael swayed in front of him.

“V! Hey, buddy!” He greeted, brightening up a bit, “Sorry, could you come in to talk? I’m busy.”

Ryan followed him in, closing the door behind him. The sewing had taken over the entirety of the room, the dividers held open by boxes and other supplies. He wasn’t lying, this is a lot. Ryan reached for a Belle dress, but quickly jerked his hand back. _Don’t mess up anything._ Michael slumped in a chair and started sewing.

“So what you need?” He mumbled, “I’ll do my best, but it’s busy season. Sorry bout that.”

Ryan frowned. 

“Help?” He offered coming over to stand by him.

Michael glanced at him, scowling.

“Yes, for what?” He prompted, “Can you type it out for me?”

Ryan grunted annoyance and typed up a note. 

_Can I help you?_

He showed it to Michael, who squinted as he read it and then frowned, shaking his head.

“No, I don’t need more setbacks,” he grumbled, returning focus, “I don’t have time to deal with you messing up.”

Ryan’s heart twisted and his face dropped. _Right._ Ryan would be useless for this. 

“Unless you’re giving coffee or bjs, could you fuck off?” Michael grunted, “You are really fucking distracting.”

Ryan brightened. _I can do that at least._ He scurried away to get coffee and hesitantly let himself back in when he’d gotten it. Michael was touching himself when he came back and he almost spilled the coffee in surprise. His eyes were closed tightly, his free hand clenched in the fabric he was working on.

“Fuck, so cute,” Michael whispered.

Ryan blushed as he watched him, unsure of what exactly he was supposed to do. He’d never accidentally caught someone masturbating before. The way he was gripping the fabric made Ryan realize something: the dresses got him off. _He doesn’t...oh. This is the bad thing that was bound to happen to ruin how good I felt._ He cleared his throat, looking away.

“Fucking Christ, V,” Michael grunted, “Your t-timing is fucking spectacular. C’mere.”

Ryan hesitantly approached, trying to not look at where Michael was still jerking himself off. He held out the coffee, no doubt blushing three ways to Sunday and Michael took it. He took a drink and set the mug next to an empty one, never faltering his movements. 

“You just gonna stand there or are you gonna fucking blow me?” he groaned, shifting so he was full on facing Ryan.

Ryan nodded, maybe a bit too eagerly and dropped to his knees. He leaned forward, opening his mouth and Michael didn’t hesitate to shove his head down. Ryan groaned as Michael fucked up into his face at an alarming strength and speed. Ryan wondered if he was going be able to chew properly.

“F-fuck, my pretty b-boy,” Michael growled, “F-fucking hungry for me, y-you needed me, huh? You g-got lonely? No one else does it for you. N-need me to use you like a little fuckin c-cock sleeve. Need a dick in your mouth, little cock-sucker. F-filthy little girl, are-aren’t you? Fuck, fuck!”

Ryan shuddered as Michael shot down his throat. _Girl. He called me a girl._ Michael slumped back in his chair and Ryan pulled off him, fumbling for tissues to wipe saliva from his dick. Michael whimpered, his softening dick over-stimulated as Ryan carefully put him back in his jeans. Ryan gently picked him up from the chair and carried him to his bed. He nearly broke down sobbing when he noticed the Ariel dress was lying on the bed. 

He shoved down his misery and quickly gathered up the empty coffee mugs and the other food waste. He shoved down his misery as he cleaned the dishes and tossed the trash. He shoved down his misery as he was stopped by Jeremy who asked what was wrong. He smiled tiredly at him and shook his head.

“Yeah, nice try, buddy,” Jeremy grunted, “You’re obviously upset. What’s going on?”

Ryan dropped his head on Jeremy’s shoulder. _Heal me, I’m broken up._ Jeremy put his arms around him and squeezed him to his chest. Ryan was ready to pass out just so he didn’t have to deal with people any more. He got a surge of energy he used to hoist Jeremy up and carry him to his room. He put Jeremy on the bed and manhandled him into proper spooning position, pulling him to his chest and burying his face in his hair.

“Don’t leave,” he whispered, “Please.”

“I-I won’t,” Jeremy assured him, “I’m r-right here.”

Ryan hoped he would be, because he didn’t think he could take another rejection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me last chapter: And fluffy happy times commenced.  
> You guys: Yay!  
> Me this chapter: Haha, bitch you thought! It’s sad times forever!!


	8. Chapter 8

“V? Vagabond? Come on, man,” Jeremy softly called out to him, “I gotta get up, buddy.”

Ryan rolled his hips against Jeremy’s ass, pressing tiny kisses on his neck.

“N-not that kind of up!” Jeremy hissed.

Ryan laughed and sat up, leaning over to kiss Jeremy gently. Jeremy was pink, smiling brightly at him. 

“I can always tag in Gavin,” he joked.

Ryan laughed again and rolled his eyes. Jeremy squeezed his hand suddenly and Ryan’s heart fluttered in his chest. He twisted his hand to hold Jeremy’s, lacing their fingers together. He kissed the back of his hand gently and Jeremy sat up, kissing Ryan’s hand back. Ryan felt a blazing hot fire inside, burning, consuming his soul as Jeremy leaned up and kissed him. 

“V...you obviously don’t have to,” Jeremy muttered, “But you can talk to me. Um. You just looked so depressed earlier...I wanna help.”

_You already helped, kid._ Ryan shook his head and ruffled his hair. 

“If this was a porno, you’d say “there is one thing you could do,” Jeremy laughed.

Ryan made a show of looking him up and down, “considering” the idea. Jeremy blushed and whacked his arm.

“Dork, this isn’t a porno,” he teased lightly, “Unfortunately for you.”

Ryan clicked his tongue and Jeremy just rolled his eyes.

“I really do need to go,” He begrudgingly repeated, “I can legitimately get Gavin if you want.”

Ryan shook his head. It’d be better to find something to do. Geoff could probably use some help with something. They walked to the kitchen together with Jeremy chattering on about his job. Geoff and Michael were there, at the coffee pot and Ryan shied away from addressing his feelings on Michael. Unfortunately, Michael saw him and brightened up, grinning.

“Heya, V!” He called, “I could use your help with something, if you don’t mind.”

Ryan nodded, though he was worried about what “something” was and whether it’d break his heart even more. Ryan ruffled Jeremy’s hair as he and Michael left the room. 

“Jeremy, what the fuck?” Geoff hissed, “He ruffled your hair, what the hell?”

“Everyone does that,” Jeremy grunted, “On account of me being short.”

Ryan was out of ear range before he could hear Geoff’s response. Jeremy had sounded annoyed. _Maybe he hates that? I should cut it out then._ Michael got him in his room, closing and locking the door. Ryan was distracted by how better organized everything was. A stack of shipping boxes sat to one side, signaling that Michael had made good progress on the orders.

“Fucking Christmas, man,” he grumbled, “Busiest time of the year.”

_Christmas._ Ryan forgot about that. Michael tugged his shirt, leaning up to kiss him. Ryan blushed, his heart going all fluttery again. Michael caressed his cheek. 

“Thank you for earlier,” he muttered, “I’m sorry I was so bitchy. I get so pissy when I’m getting behind. I get pissy when I’m not. Temper, you know. And you even cleaned up. Fucking best model/personal assistant ever.”

Ryan glowed under the praise, even though it was minimal. Even though his heart twisted and his brain screamed that Michael was another dead end road for him. Michael squeezed his hand and pulled him into the divided part.

“So here’s my problem,” he began, picking up a box, “I ordered the wrong cards.”

He opened the box and pulled out one of the cards in question, holding it out for Ryan to take. Ryan turned it over in his hands, inspecting it. It was a greeting card, though it looked to be a bit smaller than the standard size. The front said “Happy Holidays” in curly, green letters with a few decorative curls around it. On the inside, in a similar font and color was “Thank you for buying from Wolf’s Closet! Enjoy your Holidays! Signed, Wolf” with a space below it, presumably for a signature. It seemed fine to Ryan. He looked at Michael with a confused frown.

“Right, you haven’t seen last years,” Michael muttered, “Hold this.”

Ryan held the box of cards while Michael opened a drawer that Ryan thought might be in a desk. It was hard to tell because every surface was covered in sewing supplies, especially fabric. Michael held out a similar card to the one Ryan had seen, but this one had a wolf logo on the front, above the greeting. _Ah, the logo was forgotten and now he’s got to send it without or do it by hand._

“So I have a stamp for it,” Michael explained, “But I’m using every fucking second to sew. It’s not a priority and I get it’s not even important, but fucking shit, it bothers the fuck out of me! I mean, it’s just a fucking logo, but it’s _my_ fucking logo! Like what’s the fucking point if I don’t put my fucking mark on it? It’s driving me batshit because I’m so fucking backed-up right now, I can’t afford to focus on it for-“

Ryan, unsure of what else to do, interrupted Michael with a kiss. He smiled and nodded at Michael as he pulled away and Michael sighed, returning the smile. He looked relieved.

“I knew you’d understand,” he mumbled, “So let me clear some room. Uh. Let’s make sure you’re out of view. I’m already distracted as fuck.”

He set Ryan up in a corner, out of view and gave him a gentle kiss before returning to a sewing machine. Ryan was happy to help, but he would’ve preferred to have sat closer to Michael. _Within_ view.  He was barely four cards in when Michael reappeared.

“Hey, can you do one more thing for me?” He requested, “These, um, boxes are ready, they just need the card. Could you put them in after the cards dry?”

Ryan nodded, smiling. Michael gave him another sweet smile and disappeared again. It was only a few more cards when Michael popped around again.

“Just set them on top of the paper,” he added, “Um, tissue paper in the box.”

Ryan smiled and nodded again, though he could feel his eagerness to help dim slightly. _He thinks I’m gonna fuck it up. Okay, be careful, make sure everything is perfect._ He’d gotten enough dried and taken them to the shipping boxes when Michael again appeared. 

“All good?” He prompted, “Do you need help?”

Ryan frowned at him. _I’m here helping **you.**_ He shook his head and opened the next box, placing the card inside and moving to the next.

“Y-you think you c-could tape ‘em too?” Michael asked, “The, um, the boxes?”

Ryan looked over his shoulder at him and nodded. He finished the boxes and put them near the door as instructed by Michael. From there, Ryan stamped cards in between Michael calling him over the divide for random things. Ryan felt a bit better, like Michael was starting to trust him and relaxed a bit.

“V, you’re making me sweat,” Michael grumbled, “Can you ditch the jacket?”

So Ryan laid his jacket over the back of his chair.

“Hey, grab that box for me, will you?” 

So Ryan bent to pick up the box and brought it over. 

“I lost a pin. Can you look for it?”

So Ryan crawled around at Michael’s feet, looking for a pin.

“I think it’s there,” Michael muttered, breathless, “Yes, i-it’s definitely there.”

Ryan frowned at him over his shoulder and blushed crimson as his brain began working. He started to move, to get up, but Michael’s voice interrupted him. 

“Stay,” he growled.

Ryan shuddered, back dipping. He dropped to his forearms, struggling to keep himself upright. He heard Michael unzipping his pants, fabric shuffling as he pulled himself out. 

“Pull your pants down,” He ordered breathlessly, “Let me see how fucking bad you want it.”

Ryan’s hands shook as he lifted up just enough to get his pants and underwear down around his knees. Michael moaned as he dropped back to his forearms, face burning. 

“Fuck, I knew i-it, y-you want it so bad,” he grunted, “I can see your gr-greedy little hole fl-flexing.”

Ryan whimpered, knees turning inward, trying anything to feel less exposed. 

“Turn around and come here,” Michael ordered.

Ryan, incredibly embarrassed, but hard as hell, shuffled around to face Michael who looked at him like he wanted to eat him. Ryan didn’t think he could stand, even if he wanted to. He crawled forward, keeping his burning face pointed at the ground, struggling with his pants around his knees. He stopped when he reached Michael’s spread legs and he looked up at Michael’s flushed face.

“This was a b-ad idea,” he groaned, “I fucking knew it was. Fuck, you’re so cute, so f-fucking eager to please. Every time I see you I think I’m gonna cum in my f-fucking pants.”

Ryan sat up on his knees, scooting forward and opening his mouth. Before he could get close enough, his jaw was seized and held tightly. Ryan flushed, mouth watering. _Please!_

“You have quite the oral fixation for someone who doesn’t speak,” Michael commented.

Ryan blinked rapidly, processing what he said. _Oh, uh, I guess I do, don’t I?_ Before he could try to process any deep psychological reasons for that, Michael’s hand moved on his face and he shoved three fingers in his mouth. Ryan’s lips closed around them and he sucked them deeper into his mouth. He blushed as Michael jolted, hips twitching up.

“Fuck you’re f-filthy,” he moaned, “I fucking knew if I let you h-elp I’d just end up f-fucking you.”

Ryan brightened up, gripping at Michael’s jeans. Michael groaned, long and drawn out with a guttural, needy tone to it. He started to retract his hand and Ryan bit down without thinking, a growl in his throat. Michael shuddered.

“I n-need to get l-lube, pretty boy,” Michael panted.

Ryan licked and sucked on his fingers, covering them in spit. 

“Y-you’re saying use sp-spit?” Michael asked, strained, “Is that...is that en-enough?”

Ryan nodded, but Michael still looked doubtful. Ryan pulled his fingers out and turned around, shoving his blushing face into the carpet.

“F-fuck,” Michael muttered, “If you say so.”

He fingered Ryan carefully, like he was afraid he was going to hurt him. As he dropped to his knees, spitting in his hand, Ryan suddenly realized something. _I’m...I’m the first guy he’s fucked._ He whined in pain as he pushed in and Michael halted.

“Y-you okay?” He grunted, “This doesn’t f-feel like you’re o-okay.”

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

“Y-you should’ve fucked Gavin!” Ryan cried, trying to force back tears, “And fucking Jeremy d-did it too! I-I’m not good enough to be anyone’s first! Why did a-any of you ch-choose _me?!_ I’m not even pretty at all! I’m not-!”

He suddenly snapped his mouth shut and scrambled away from Michael, pulling his pants up. Michael tried to follow, fumbling with his own pants as Ryan stumbled to his feet and made for the door. 

“Wait! V, wait!” Michael yelled, staggering after him, “Goddamnit, don’t just run away! Let me fucking speak!”

His hand reached for Ryan, but he dodged it and surged forward into a sprint, running through the door and down the hall. Michael was quick after him.

“Vagabond, stop!” He shouted down the hall, “Stop running! Fucker, stop it!”

Jeremy came around the corner in time to nearly get plowed over, but Ryan swerved to miss him.

“J, stop him!” Michael shouted.

Jeremy did not do that. Instead, he planted his feet and kicked Michael as he drew up in front of him. Ryan didn’t stop to see the results of that fight, instead getting to the garage and snatching the key to his bike, slamming the door button. As he got to his bike, Michael burst through the door, followed closely by Jeremy and Gavin. He leapt on the bike and zipped from the garage.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! I talked too much! I ruined it! It’s over! Everything is fucking ruined! Why did I talk so damn much?! Why do I always do this?!_


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: abandonment

_I should just leave the state. Just ride and ride until I can’t any more. Then set up a small shop and stay there until a younger version of myself comes looking for a mentor. The Miyagi Method of Retirement._

He stopped at one of the more enclosed parks and found a bench to sit and be miserable on. He puffed out some deep breaths. _I talked too much, I said too much. They’re all going to abandon me. I’m going to be alone again._ He heard a child laugh and glanced up in surprise. 

Usually, parents avoided shady places like this. Then again, finding a non-shady place in Los Santos was difficult. The kid was playing with the dry leaves in the grass, giggling as they crunched under their feet. He looked around for their parent, but only saw a sleeping person on a bench. 

His heart felt icy. _Did they... abandon the kid? Fucking speak of the childhood trauma and it happens right before your eyes._ He shivered, trying not to look at the kid. Other than it being creepy, it made his heart hurt to see it. 

He looked down at his hands. He could still remember his mom’s hand signing “shut up” at him. He could still picture it so clearly, even though he couldn’t even remember her face. He could remember her signing “You Are My Sunshine” while he sang it. Hell, he remembered his first love better than he remembered her face or her eyes or her hair. But he remembered the signs. 

**Shut up, shut up, shut up!**

Ryan pressed the heels of his hands into his eyelids. Certainly everything went downhill after she abandoned him. The rest of his life had been an unending cycle of destructive relationships that ended terribly, reenforcing his own self-hatred and the curse of his voice. Every time he tried to talk, tried to share his thoughts, it went sideways. 

He thought...maybe he could be on the crew without his voice. He’d been so close to feeling that way with Ray. But he hadn’t even heard his voice and he left. So maybe it truly had nothing to do with his voice. _It’s just me, I’m the problem._

He dropped his hands and shifted back. The kid was gone. He hoped they were alright. He shifted back further, slumping backward to stare up at the sky. He watched the clouds in misery for some time.

“Sir, we’re gonna have to ask you to come with us.”

Ryan sighed, sitting up. Two cops, looking pissed and disgusted. Ryan tried to quell his sudden panic. No jacket. No mask. No paint. And he suddenly realized, no weapons or phone. He looked between them.

“Why?” He asked.

“We got a complaint about a pervert in the area,” the cop answered.

_Pervert??_ Ryan’s face went scarlet. His pants were still undone. Fuck, he probably looked like a real creep. Especially with a kid in the park. He cleared his throat and stood, zipping and buttoning his pants. 

They seemed a bit nervous about his size, as must people do. He snapped his left foot into the knee of the left cop as he jabbed the right cop’s sternum. As left folded, he brought his left leg back and kicked them in the ear, sending them towards right who was still gasping. They fell and he hopped over the bench and ran to his bike.

_Now what?_ He wondered as he zipped away.

~

He didn’t mean to, but he ended up on Mount Chiliad, right at the spot. Ray’s spot, the one he shared with Ryan. Ray had trusted him immediately when he joined. Unlike the others who apparently still didn’t trust him. He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself. It wasn’t that cold, but the sun was setting. _Cold. Lonely. Abandoned._

**If you sing, you’ll warm up,** his mom used to sign when he complained about the cold. She said that about many things. **If you sing, you won’t be sad. If you sing, you won’t feel hungry. If you sing, you won’t be alone, because then I’ll be there with you.** What a fucking joke.

_ Ring, ring! _

Ryan jolted at the sound of the payphone. _Ray?_ How did he know he was here? He stood and walked over to it. 

_Ring, ring!_

His hand closed around the phone. Jesus the thing looked worse than ever. They’d gotten it to work and disabled the need to pay for a call, but the thing still looked broken as fuck.

_Ring, ring!_

He answered the phone, worry twisting his guts.

“Hey, Ry, can you hear me?” Ray called.

Ryan hummed.

“So I got a frantic call from Vav,” Ray grunted, “Saying they couldn’t find you. You wanna tell me what that’s about?”

_No._ Ryan sighed.

“Alright, honestly, I know,” Ray admitted, “Michael called me losing his shit.”

Ryan groaned, thunking his head against the payphone.

“He said you were saying some shit,” Ray went on, “About not being good enough for a loser virgin? His words, not mine.”

Ryan let out a huff. 

“So you’re on the self-hate track?” Ray guessed, “What’d I tell you about that?”

Ryan whined, feeling like a scolded child. 

“Listen, Ry, Michael is really into you,” Ray muttered, strained.

He puffed out a heavy breath. _Smoking._ Ryan rolled his eyes.

“What’s the problem?” Ray asked, “He said he’s a total mess around you, gushing about how cute you are and shit. So what’s the problem?”

“He’s straight!” Ryan snapped.

There was a pause, wherein Ray no doubt tried to process the first time he heard Ryan’s voice. He squeezed his eyes closed, waiting for the reaction.

“I’m sorry if I sound dismissive,” Ray began, “But...so what? He’s straight, big fuckin’ deal. He’s so into you he called me to ask if tops ever bottom, man.”

Ryan blushed crimson.

“Told him to stick it in and find out,” Ray laughed.

Ryan rolled his eyes and let out a half annoyed, half amused breath.

“According to him it went _very_ well,” Ray muttered, strained again.

He let out a puff and Ryan could practically see the smoke. How many times had they been there in the spot, Ray smoking and talking, Ryan just listening? 

“Listen, man, I get your shit self-esteem, alright?” Ray mumbled, “You know I get it. But he’s into you. Willing to convert for you, man. You should be feeling pretty good about yourself.”

Ryan sighed. _They’re always willing to convert until a pretty girl flashes a smile at them._

“It’s not just about your, uh, pretty face, either,” Ray continued, reading Ryan’s mind again, “He said he thinks you’re super smart and capable too. He admires your brain and your body.”

Ryan’s face went pink and his heart rate picked up. _He said that?_ The sound of an engine distracted him.

“Oh, one last thing,” Ray called cheerfully, “I owed Vav a favor.”

Ryan’s eyes widened. _Ray! Fucking stalling for time!_

“You better hurry if you’re going to try to run again,” Ray pointed out, “But I don’t think retreat is your best option. Has it ever worked before?”

Ryan let out a guttural annoyed sound and hung up the phone. _Fucking asshole._ Ryan moved back to the spot and looked out over the desert. He dropped to his ass on the rock. The sky was pitch black now, stars winking at him across the clear night. Ray was right, running never worked.

“V, thank Christ!” Gavin shrieked at him, dropping down to hug him, “I thought you were gone for good! Or got grabbed! I was so bloody worried!”

Ryan stared at him blankly. _Why? Why do you care?_ He was distracted momentarily as he recognized the jacket Gavin was wearing. He tugged at it, suddenly feeling like he was freezing. Gavin quickly handed it over, though he looked disappointed. Ryan roughly pulled Gavin between his legs, wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on Gavin’s head. Gavin leaned back against him, apparently pleased with this position.

“Oh, I better tell them you’re alright,” He suddenly realized, grabbing his phone, “We’ve been looking all over LS. We were so worried.”

_ Why? _

He sent the text and settled back again. Ryan shifted to nuzzle his cheek against the side of Gavin’s head. _Heal me, Alice, I’m so cold and alone._

“Tell me why you left,” Gavin ordered.

“Hmph.”

Ryan kissed at his neck, one hand running down his torso. Gavin’s hand snapped to his wrist, squeezing tightly.

“Don’t try to distract me,” he growled, “Why did you leave?”

Ryan growled back. 

“You be a good boy and tell me why,” Gavin repeated, firmly, “Then maybe I’ll let you suck me off.”

Ryan shuddered.

“I...talked,” he whispered, “I let him...hear.”

“Vagabond, it’s okay to let us hear how you feel,” Gavin chided softly, “We’re not going to get mad if you’re upset.”

**I’ll always be with you,** his had mom signed. _Empty words, false promises._ Ryan pulled away from him, standing and starting towards his bike. 

“V, come on! I’m serious!” Gavin insisted, “We’re here for you. We care about you! We’re never going anywhere!”

**I’ll always be with you.**

Ryan whirled around, hand flying at Gavin’s face.

_ Smack! _

Gavin stumbled, eyes wide in shock. Ryan grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him to eye level.

“Fucking liar!” He hissed, “You left me in bed alone! Do you have any idea how that felt?!”

Gavin’s eyes filled with tears and Ryan flinched, suddenly dropping him. _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I did it again!_ Gavin reached for him, but he dodged his grasping fingers, twisting to break into a sprint.

“Vagabond, wait, I’m sorry!” Gavin cried, “D-Don’t leave! I’m sorry! I was just-! Embarrassed!”

Ryan halted, turning back. Gavin’s face was bright red and his hands were twisting anxiously.

“Embarrassed?” Ryan grunted, “Not...scared?”

Gavin covered his face with a miserable sound.

“Wh-when I...um, I say s-such r-raunchy things!” He groaned, “Th-then af-after I’m just m-me, fumbling and being st-stupid! An-and you’re so c-cool and sexy and I-I just f-felt like-like a loser!”

Ryan stared at him in shock. Gavin, feeling like a loser? Ryan stepped toward him.

“But you’re beautiful,” he muttered.

Gavin looked up in surprise. 

“Y-you think _I’m_ b-beautiful?!” He demanded, “You’re so-! You’re such a-! You’re bloody gorgeous!”

Ryan’s whole body suddenly blushed. He shook his head frantically, feeling a bizarre urge to step backwards. Gavin’s eyes narrowed at him.

“Yes, you are, you wanker!” He shouted, “You could be a model! Have you even looked at yourself?! You’re beautiful!”

Ryan stumbled backwards as Gavin stepped towards him. As his hands reached for Ryan, they moved from his face and Ryan winced at the outline of his fingers above Gavin’s beard. He reached for it, eyes suddenly filled with tears. 

“I’m...I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I hurt you. Fuck, I can’t do anything right. I’m so sorry.”

Gavin grabbed his face and hauled him into a hard kiss.

“Idiot!” He squawked, “I deserved it for ditching you! I’ve been such a bloody prick! I’m so sorry! I was being so selfish!”

He kissed him again and Ryan just stared at him in wonder.

“I won’t leave again!” Gavin insisted, “I won’t! Un-unless you want me to. If you d-didn’t want me any more I’d understand. But I’ll try to be better. I can c-cuff myself to you so I d-“

Ryan shut him up by sweeping him into another kiss. He pulled back to look in Gavin’s eyes, brushing his knuckles over his blushing cheek.

“You’re amazing,” he muttered.

“So are you,” Gavin whispered back, “Will you...come home now? Please?”

Ryan closed his eyes, hesitating. Going home meant facing everything, facing the likely outcome of sharing his feelings. Facing that he would probably be abandoned again. Ray’s voice echoed in his head. _I don’t think retreat is your best option._ He sighed and set his jaw before opening his eyes and nodding.

“Good!” Gavin cried, squeezing him into a hug, “I really like you, V! And I really care about you. I don’t wanna lose you!”

Ryan’s heart ached. _I...don’t want to lose you either._ He squeezed him back. _I don’t want to lose any of you._


	10. Chapter 10

“V, thank god!” Jeremy called.

He pounced on him as soon as he was off the bike, nearly knocking him over.

“Erm, Jeremy,” Gavin muttered.

Geoff and Jack were staring with raised eyebrows as Ryan panicked. _Should I push him away? I don’t really want to do that._ He buried his face in Jeremy’s shoulder to hide his blushing face and squeezed him around the middle. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” Jeremy cried, “W-we couldn’t f-find you!”

His heart was pounding as fast as Ryan’s. _He...really does care about me._ He squeezed tighter. _I care about you too._

“J-Jesus, V!” Jeremy wheezed, “I’m h-happy to see you too, but you’re crushing my r-ribs!”

Ryan whined in annoyance, but loosened his hold.

“Also if you could put me down,” Jeremy grumbled, “That would be great.”

Ryan carefully put him back down. It’d only been a couple inches, but Jesus that was condescending, wasn’t it? He reached out to ruffle his hair, but snapped his hand back. _He doesn’t like that._ Gavin pinched his arm, startling him and he scowled down at him.

“You didn’t pick me up!” He protested, “Do you like Jeremy more than me?”

Ryan rolled his eyes and grabbed Gavin under the arms and hoisted him up in the air. Gavin flailed, going red and Ryan laughed.

“Th-this is obviously not what I m-meant!” Gavin grumbled, trying to cross his arms, “Put me down!”

_Spoiled brat._ Ryan dropped him into a hug, squeezing him closely before finally letting him down. He ruffled Gavin’s hair aggressively as he laughed some more. 

“What the fuck am I witnessing right now?” Geoff suddenly spoke up, startling Ryan and the two lads.

Ryan blushed and cleared his throat. 

“You ruined the moment, Geoff!” Jack hissed, looking teary-eyed.

Geoff rolled his eyes.

“Vagabond, listen,” he grunted, “I’m not trying to tell you how to do you, but you scared the crap out of us. We were all very worried about you. Maybe you don’t see it this way, but we all agree you’re family.”

Ryan winced a bit at that, looking away. You don’t usually fuck three different family members. When was the last time he had family? 

**Shut up, shut up, shut up!**

Ryan’s chest squeezed and he felt cold. Family wasn’t exactly what Ryan had been looking for. And it wasn’t exactly the right term he didn’t think, but...he didn’t really know what else to call it.

“I’m sorry,” he spoke quietly, “I didn’t think so before, but...you’re all very precious to me.”

Jack and Geoff wore matching surprised looks and then Jack started crying. Ryan winced, feeling the urge to run again. _I hurt him, he’s upset. Fuck._ He could feel his body tightening, coiling up to launch off his back foot. Jeremy’s hand clamped down on his left bicep and he gave him a sharp look. _I don’t think retreat is your best option._

Ryan puffed out a breath, relaxing his body and crossed the garage to hug Jack who squeezed him tightly again. He wheezed, but let it happen, gently patting the guy’s shoulder. 

“V, I’m so glad you’re safe!” Jack cried, “And I’m so glad you’re really with us now.”

Geoff sniffled next to them and they broke apart to stare at him in surprise.

“Sh-shut up you f-fuckin assholes,” he choked, “I never thought this would happen.”

He grabbed Ryan into a tight, quick hug before shoving him away and turning towards the door to the base.

“Let’s go eat the fucking takeout!” He ordered, strained, “If one more person cries, I’m taking a baseball bat to their knee!”

_Speaking of one more person... where the hell is Michael?_

~

_Knock, knock! Knock!_

Ryan looked up from his phone and then checked the time. Past midnight. He sat up abruptly. Fuck, it was one of the lads. _Tonight? After all that, aren’t they exhausted?_

_Knock, knock!_

He stood up and hurried to the door. If it was Gavin, he’d be really anxious to get in as quickly as possible. He opened the door then tried to close it, but it was blocked. 

“Yeah, I heard about that habit,” Michael growled, “I’m real, don’t fucking leave me out here.”

Ryan shuffled backwards, opening the door to let him in. Michael shoved his way past him and stormed to the center of his room. Ryan swallowed nervously as he locked the door behind him. 

“Come here,” Michael grunted, not looking at him.

Ryan approached cautiously, trying really hard to focus on Michael’s pink face instead of the blue dress. _What the hell is his deal with blue?_ Ryan wondered. Michael’s hands twisted nervously and he stared off to the side. Ryan knew this one. Sleeping beauty. White off-shoulder neckline, baby blue sleeves and v-shaped waistline detail, and periwinkle skirt and top. Ryan would recognize the outfit anywhere, even if it was significantly shorter. 

“O-okay,” Michael muttered, shaky, “So I, um, know this might seem weird. I just wanted to set things right. I don’t know everything that’s bothering you, but I know what you said. You said you weren’t good enough to be my first time. So I need to tell you, you’re more than enough. Y-you’re amazing and so...”

He trailed off, eyes flicking to Ryan’s body, looking him up and down. He swallowed with a shudder.

“Fucking sexy,” he finished, “N-not that you’re not just a hole to me or j-just sex. Anyway, I, um, I wanted to show you. I-I think you’re good enough to be, uh, as many of my firsts as you want. So...this is my first time wearing one of my dresses for, um, recreational activities. It’s the first time I’ve actually made one just for me.”

Ryan raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

“Y-you’re also the first to see me in one,” Michael continued, “And the first one I’ve made one for that I had sex with. And...”

He blushed and lifted the skirt. Ryan bit his lip to hold back his gasp. 

“Th-the first time I wore panties,” he mumbled, “And th-the first person I wore them for.”

He let the skirt drop and Ryan was almost annoyed. He watched Michael closely as he walked to Ryan’s bed. He bent himself over the edge of the bed and Ryan tried to stifle the groan in his throat. Michael looked at him over his shoulder.

“And I want you to be the first and probably the last, man to fuck me in the ass,” he finished.

He put his hands up the skirt and a second later, the panties dropped to the floor. Ryan thought he was going to cum before he got his hands on him. Fuck, he looked good like that. Bent over, hands fisted in the sheets, pale thighs trembling. Then he shook his ass. A jolt of arousal urged Ryan forward as Michael’s back dipped as he shook his cute little ass. 

“Come on, V!” He grunted, “Don’t you want it? It’s all prepared and ready for you. Come take it. Come claim it as yours.”

Ryan carefully lifted the skirt with one finger, pulling it up to see if Michael was telling the truth about being prepared. He was and Ryan shuddered. Michael shivered and looked over his shoulder.

“Are you sure?” Ryan asked gently.

“I-I’m sure, I’m just nervous,” Michael mumbled, “I j-just don’t know if it’s g-gonna be good.”

Ryan leaned over him and pressed a kiss to his ear.

”I’ll make it good,” he whispered.

“No, dumbass!” Michael grunted, “I don’t know if it’ll be good for _you!”_

Ryan rubbed his boner against Michael’s ass and the younger man let out a sharp gasp.

“O-okay, point t-taken,” Michael groaned, “Hurry and st-stick it in!”

_Impatient,_ Ryan thought as he reached to grab lube. Michael jolted a bit as Ryan slipped three fingers in easily, then moaned. Ryan raised his eyebrows in surprise. He sort’ve assumed there’d be resistance or pained hissing. Michael had done an amazing job preparing and Ryan pictured him lying in bed, legs spread, fingering himself. He shuddered and quickly removed his hand to get to the main event. 

Michael moaned as Ryan’s cock entered him, his ass pushing back to get him inside him faster. He was panting and writhing under Ryan, who was again surprised. Most straight guys refused to take it up the ass and here Michael was, not only doing it, but massively enjoying it. 

“Oh god,” Michael croaked, “No one said it felt _this_ fucking good.”

_Not everyone agrees with that,_ Ryan thought, huffing out a breath. He rocked back and forth, angling for Michael’s prostate and found it. Michael’s hips jerked against the bed spread and he choked out a strained moan. Ryan leaned down to kiss Michael gently over his exposed shoulders and his pace picked up. Michael humped against the bed, looking totally desperate and he whined and writhed. He looked over his shoulder at Ryan with wide eyes.

“I-I want you to be m-my first boyfriend t-too,” he whispered.

“Michael!” Ryan gasped as he came, “Fucking shit fuck fuck fuck! Holy shit fuck.”

“You sound like me,” Michael laughed.

Ryan shivered, running his hand up the Aurora dress. He turned to the nightstand and grabbed tissues to clean the up. Once that was done, he flipped him and pushed him up the bed. Michael groaned as Ryan’s mouth sank down his cock. He gripped his hair to keep him in place and thrusted upwards, fucking into Ryan’s mouth and throat. Ryan hummed and Michael came down his throat before dropping limply against the bed. _Asleep._

_He must’ve worked hard all day to get that dress ready,_ Ryan thought as he cleaned him up. He sighed, brushing Michael’s sweaty curls off his forehead. _I want you to be my first boyfriend too._ Ryan recalled as he laid down next to him and pulled him to his chest.

_No, you don’t. You just think you do. It’s called infatuation. You think because the sex is good that you want romance. As soon as the novelty wears out, I’d be alone again._


	11. Chapter 11

“Hey, V, can I use you tonight?” Geoff called into the kitchen, “I need a third and Michael’s busy.”

Ryan nodded, internally relieved. It’d been several (exactly 4) days since the escape/family/Michael incident and he’d spent every moment obsessing over it. He really needed a job, really needed something to take his mind off the lads and this new territory with the crew.

So imagine his annoyance when he drove from the base in a full suit with Jeremy in the front seat and Gavin in the back. Apparently the two on the job had not been Geoff and Jack as he assumed. He felt like he’d been tricked. _Swindled. Bamboozled. Hoodwinked._ He pulled up near the place they needed for the job as he listed all the synonyms for “tricked” he could think of in his head.

“Okay, Vagabond, here you go,” Gavin spoke up, handing him a piece of paper, “That’s your invitation. You’re my plus one, so we shouldn’t _need_ it, but I made it just in case. Jeremy, here’s your badge.”

“Thank you kindly, sir,” Jeremy joked, putting the badge around his neck, “I’ll wear it with honor. Hey, V, I get a good luck kiss?”

Ryan rolled his eyes and leaned over, but Jeremy was a little shit. He seized Ryan’s face and pressed hard against his mouth, mouthing at him like he was dying and needed to make out with Ryan. Ryan shuddered, grabbing the back of his neck to hold him still. He nipped at his tongue as it started to explore.

“That’s a lot hotter than I thought it’d be,” Gavin spoke up from the backseat.

Ryan jerked away from Jeremy, face on fire and looked away. _Fucking Christ. Lads. They’re gonna kill me._

“Now I have plenty of luck,” Jeremy laughed.

Ryan did not look at him to see the wink he was no doubt throwing him. He was concentrating on trying to stop his fucking boner. Jeremy hopped out of the car to go to the employee entrance and Gavin climbed into the front seat. 

“Well, this is awkward,” he muttered, chuckling a bit, “Do I...get a kiss too?”

They’re going to kill me. But making out with Gavin right after making out with Jeremy was totally worth dying for.

~

Ryan was playing Mario Party, learning how to play properly so he could play with the lads again, when Michael shuffled by the archway and then backed up as he saw Ryan. He rubbed his eyes as he made his way to Ryan and smiled tiredly at him.

“Hey, you into being a personal assistant again?” He asked hoarsely, “Me ‘n the other lads are working on a fucking flood of orders. I could really use an extra pair of hands.”

Ryan nodded with a grin, quickly turning off the game. Michael stretched up to give him a gentle kiss and he blushed. 

“Can you start with coffee because you’re the best PA ever?” Michael asked hopefully.

Ryan nodded again and gestured for him to go back. Ryan fixed three cups of coffee and brought them to Michael’s room, giving them each a kiss with their coffee. Michael was at his sewing station, Gavin was at the computer, and Jeremy was at the spot Ryan had taken up. 

_So Gavin’s processing orders and printing shipping labels, Michael’s sewing the dresses, and Jeremy’s packing them in boxes._ The whole system was clogged because there were tons of new orders and finished dresses. Michael had struggled to keep up with the clerical half of the business before finally asking for help. 

Ryan did his best to help out, refilling coffee, getting food, retrieving things they needed, packing the finished boxes in the van, and any other little thing they needed. Gavin and Jeremy caught up on the orders by the end of the day and shuffled off, dead tired. Michael, on the other hand, had a lot of orders still to sew. Ryan was worried about him. He was getting bitchier and more stressed. 

As Ryan brought him a fresh coffee, he found him with his head in his hands, looking defeated. Ryan put the coffee down and knelt down to squeeze his shoulder. Michael looked at him, face filled with annoyance, tiredness, and anger. 

“Are you-?” Ryan started.

“Show me how steady your hand is,” Michael interrupted.

Ryan frowned, but held up his hand. He was pretty proud of how steady his hand was actually. Michael eyed it a moment.

“Alright, you’re the best I’ve got,” He grunted, “You have any experience with sewing?”

Ryan shook his head, wincing a bit. Michael’s fist slammed into his table and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Okay, it’s _fine,”_ he muttered, “Ill show you how to do some basic stuff. I need help. Some fucking bitch plugged me on her twitch stream and I got a flood of orders. Everyone wants it before Christmas of course. Fucking _assholes._ Maybe don’t order this fucking close to Christmas!”

Ryan squeezed his hand and kissed his knuckles, hoping that was comforting. Michael stared at him a moment. 

“I need to teach you stuff,” he muttered, sounding like he was reminding himself, “Okay, it’s pretty simple. C’mere. Sit on my lap so I can grope you while I teach.”

Ryan blushed, but did as he was told. Michael showed him where to put his hands while putting _his_ hands on Ryan’s body. One hand ran all over him while the other pointed out what he needed to do. Ryan did his best to focus on learning, but that’s hard when you’re sitting on someone’s boner. 

“So just start at the top of the list and do the basic stitches,” Michael instructed, “Got it?”

Ryan nodded, eager to help as much as he could. Michael pressed a kiss on his neck and Ryan shuddered.

“I can’t prepare you carefully enough,” Michael muttered, “So you can prepare yourself or we can do something else. Decide quickly, I don’t have the patience.”

“I-I’ll do it,” Ryan squeaked.

Michael moaned, hips jerking against him.

“I was hoping you’d say that,” he admitted in his ear, “Lube in the second drawer.”

Michael pushed him up off his lap and Ryan opened the drawer. Michael moved some fabric to clear a place for Ryan to bend over. Ryan’s whole body was burning as he opened his pants and pushed them down. Michael groped him as he bent over. 

“C’mon, hurry,” He growled, “Or I’ll do it with out.”

Ryan shuddered and bit his lip, hurrying up. He pressed two slick fingers in himself and Michael groaned behind him. Ryan’s cock pulsed with the realization he was putting on a show, one that Michael _liked._ His ego was boosted a bit, even though his face was burning with embarrassment. Michael’s hand roughly pushed one of his thighs aside.

“Put your knee up on the fucking desk,” he ordered, “I can’t see your cock properly.”

Ryan jolted, gasping as he obeyed. _He wants to see my dick? They never want to...Michael isn’t them. He’s not like the others._ Ryan squeezed his eyes closed, trying to stop the sudden tears. _He actually does just like me. Why?! Why?!_ Ryan was nothing. Why did any of them care about him?

“V, you alright?” Michael asked, squeezing his hip, “You’re freaking me out.”

Ryan took a deep breath and nodded. He refocused on fingering himself and Michael got distracted by the motion. His hand squeezed tighter on Ryan’s hip.

“Y-you sure?” He grunted, “Cause I’m a-about to lose all r-reason and fuck your a-ass until you scream.”

Ryan moaned and nodded frantically, moving his hand away to gesture Michael forward. Michael stood quickly grabbing the lube as Ryan bent down over the desk, dropping his foot back down. Ryan choked, letting out a strained moan as Michael pushed into him.

“Tell me if y-you’re not okay,” Michael groaned, “D-Don’t stay quiet. Pl-please.”

Hot tears poured down Ryan’s face, from the pain of not preparing quite enough and the desperate raw tone in Michael’s voice. Like everything depended on how Ryan felt. He rocked back and forth and Ryan gripped the edge of the desk. Michael pressed his mouth up against his ear.

“Y-you can tell me if y-you like it too,” he whispered, “Or what you w-want. I want to h-hear everything.”

“Why do y-you like m-me?” Ryan sobbed.

“You’re f-fucking amazing,” Michael grunted, not stopping his motions, “You’re so badass, your fi-fighting is like fucking art. You always have our backs. You n-never bitch when I get all p-pissy. You’re so fucking patient with me. You’d never let us d-down or leave us behind. You’re so smart, you’re al-always ten steps ahead, but you never make me feel bad about b-being such a fucking id-idiot.“

Ryan choked on his sobbing, his chest squeezing with emotion. Something in him suddenly gave way sending desire and love and hope flooding through him. It didn’t matter if they had the worst tastes ever, all that mattered was they wanted him and he wanted them. 

“V? Y-you with me?” Michael muttered, slowing his motions, “F-fuck, s-sorry, am I being-“

Ryan jerked back against him, interrupting.

“H-harder!” He cried, “F-fuck me harder!”

Michael immediately complied, holding onto Ryan’s waist as he fucked into him. The desk rattled below them and Ryan gripped the edge of it tighter, moaning loudly.

“F-fuck!” Michael hissed, “That’s it. C’mon, gimme m-more, baby. What else you want?”

“P-Pull m-my hair!” Ryan grunted.

Michael tugged the tie free of his hair and gripped a handful of his hair. He yanked, forcing Ryan’s head back.

“Vagabond likes it rough?” He mused in his ear, “I guess I should’ve known th-that.”

Ryan blushed furiously and squeezed his eyes closed. Michael bit his neck harshly and he shrieked, jolting. Michael released his neck, moaning and panting in his ear as his thrusting got faster and messier. He reached around, gripping his cock, jerking him off. 

Ryan groaned, torn between thrusting back onto Michael’s cock and forward into his hand. This resulted in him rocking back and forth, slamming into Michael’s thrusts. His body tensed, coiling as his orgasm built and Michael was grunting out curse words as his neared. 

“Vagabond,” He growled, “I n-need you to cum. _Now.”_

His hand twisted on Ryan’s cock and Ryan cried out as he came. Michael was not long behind him, slumping over with a long groan. They panted a moment before Michael stumbled off him, squeezing his hip. 

“I g-got it, h-hold on,” he murmured, “D-Don’t fall asleep, Michael. Come on.”

He fumbled in the desk as Ryan tried not to move and get jizz on anything. He jolted as Michael wiped him up, surprised the cloth was wet. 

“S-sorry,” Michael muttered, “Should’ve warned you.”

Ryan snorted.

“Sit down,” He grunted, taking the wet wipes from him.

Michael slumped back in his chair and Ryan laughed as he cleaned himself up. Michael smiled, eyes closed. 

“Cute laugh,” he hummed.

Ryan went pink.

“Sh-shut up,” He grumbled.

“No you,” Michael laughed, “I’m just k-kidding don’t shut up. Your voice is beautiful.”

Ryan’s face was burning hot enough to cook steak as he finished putting himself back together. He cleaned Michael up and lifted him to carry him to bed. Michael kissed his neck as he laid him down. The Ariel dress was still in the bed. Ryan smiled softly at it. He tugged Michael’s jeans off and pulled the covers over him. Ryan leaned over him and caressed his cheek.

“Sleeping beauty,” He whispered fondly.

“Don’t kiss me,” Michael murmured, “I’ll wake up from true love’s kiss.”

He smiled weakly and Ryan’s heart pounded in his chest. He kissed his cheek and returned to the sewing. He cleaned the area thoroughly so his jizz wouldn’t get on the fabric and started on the work Michael gave him. His chest felt tight and his whole body was warm. He felt so stupid to get worked up over something so small. _True love’s kiss._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup, nerds? So I’ve written the party scene, but it’s so cliche and irrelevant I didn’t bother putting it in. I may add it as something separate of you guys really want to see it.


	12. Chapter 12

Ryan knelt next to Michael as he showed him some of the more advanced stitches on the dresses he’d done the basic ones for. 

_Knock knock knock!_

“Michael, it’s me and Gavin,” Jeremy called through the door.

“It’s open!” Michael called back, before turning his attention back to the lesson, “There, see? It makes the hem a bit tougher. My dresses are known for durability.”

“And prettiness?” Ryan joked.

“And prettiness,” Michael laughed, “Or maybe just sexiness.”

He patted Ryan’s head making him blush and smile shyly at him. 

“You’re adorable,” Michael teased, giving him a tiny kiss.

Ryan’s face went scarlet and he covered it with his hands. Michael laughed at him.

“Oh my god,” Gavin squawked, startling them both.

Ryan thought he was going to straight up die in embarrassment. He buried his face in Michael’s thigh with a miserable groan. Michael chuckled and patted his head again.

“Anyway, what’re you tools doing here?” He grunted as he went back to sewing.

“We wanted to see if you needed any help,” Jeremy spoke up, “And if you wanted to get something to eat. Take a break, you know?”

“Already took a break,” Michael grumbled, not looking up.

“Yeah, we can see that,” Jeremy laughed.

Ryan peeked up enough to throw him a death glare. Michael stopped and looked down. Ryan perked up, ready to help.

“You need something?” He guessed.

“No, idiot,” Michael muttered, “Have you taken a break?”

Ryan opened his mouth, but then closed it again, looking away. _Have I taken a break?_ He looked back up at Michael and shook his head, then shrugged. Michael pushed his face away, shoving him backwards.

“Take a break, dumbass,” he ordered, “Lads, make him take a break.”

Ryan harrumphed that, but got up. _I don’t need one though._ His stomach growled and Michael looked up at him with a smirk. Ryan grunted in annoyance, but just leaned down to kiss his stupid smug smile then allowed himself to be dragged away by the other lads. Michael’s break had been sex and sleeping though. Well, Ryan made him breakfast too. Ryan looked down where Jeremy and Gavin each had one of his wrists in their hand. 

He would definitely not say no to sex and sleep. 

~

Ryan felt pretty energized after they ate. He wasn’t that tired, though he imagined he was going to crash pretty soon.

“You wanna go Christmas shopping?” Gavin asked as they got in, “Um, I know you don’t usually do Christmas, but...”

_Christmas, right._ Most wonderful time of the year when homeless kids are pitied enough to get good meals and clothes. And toys, but Ryan had never really taken those. Had he ever “done Christmas”? After he got in the system, he thought maybe he had a Christmas. He rubbed his face tiredly.

“You don’t have to,” Jeremy assured him, “If it’s not your thing, we won’t mind.”

“You can come shopping with us and decide,” Gavin offered, “Maybe you’ll catch Christmas fever while we look for gifts.”

“Ugh, I still haven’t gotten Michael’s or Jack’s,” Jeremy grumbled.

“I want...to go,” Ryan muttered, “I’ve never...done Christmas.”

“Well, then we better make this the best Christmas ever!” Gavin exclaimed.

Ryan laughed and shook his head.

“No pressure,” he joked.

“Let’s go downtown,” Jeremy suggested, excitedly, “The old shops are all decorated and Christmasy.”

“It’s too bad there’s no bloody snow here,” Gavin grumbled, “One Christmas we should all go up North!”

“Visit Ray,” Ryan mumbled.

Jeremy and Gavin glanced at each other.

“That’s a great idea,” Gavin agreed, “I’m sure he’d be majorly happy to see us!”

“Maybe majorly happy to see V,” Jeremy laughed, “He’ll probably ignore you, _Vav.”_

“Oi!”

Ryan laughed as they teased and joked all the way to downtown. Ryan looked at all the sparkling lights and something in his chest squeezed. He lived most of his life in the cold darkness, but Christmas seemed warm and bright. _Cheerful._

He let Gavin and Jeremy lead the way to the first place which was a jewelry store. Ryan anxiously wondered if any of them had robbed the place before. He looked at some earrings as Jeremy and Gavin moved on. He rubbed his right earlobe where his piercing had long since closed up. How long ago had that been?

“I can re-pierce it for you,” Gavin suddenly spoke up next to him.

Ryan dropped his hand, blushing. He shook his head, looking at how pretty the earrings were. He’d only pierced it before because it used to be a gay thing. Even Vagabond had gone through phases.

“Aw, c’mon,” Gavin coaxed, “You’d look nice with an earring. Could make it a cross. That’d be cool, wouldn’t it?”

Ryan pictured a little black cross swinging from his ear with the Vagabond mask.

“Would that be on brand?” He laughed.

“Totally!” Gavin insisted, grinning, “And you could wear different ones for different occasions.”

He pointed out a pearl earring.

“That’d be gatecrashing.”

He pointed out a silver rose earring with a tiny ruby in it.

“That one is for B&E.”

He pointed out a tear-shaped sapphire and diamond earring.

“That’s for grand theft auto.”

He pointed to another one, but Ryan interrupted him with a kiss, holding his jaw. He pulled away and Gavin stood frozen a moment before going bright red. His eyes darted around, looking utterly embarrassed. But he smiled softly and turned back to the counter, clearing his throat.

“Um, a-anyway,” he mumbled, “You’d look pretty wicked.”

Ryan smiled at him.

“Okay, then I’ll do it,” He agreed.

Gavin brightened up, clapping his hands. 

“What’s up, guys?” Jeremy spoke up, “Find something good?”

“V’s gonna let me pierce his ear!” Gavin exclaimed excitedly.

Jeremy’s eyebrows went up in surprise, but he chuckled and smiled.

“He’s convincing, huh?” He laughed.

Ryan laughed and nodded, reaching out to ruffle Gavin’s hair. Gavin scowled, smacking his hand away. They moved to the next store, a sort of clothing place. It looked like it was leather clothes and accessories, all sorts of fringed styles, and cowboy hats, so Ryan had to assume it was Western themed. Jeremy poked him to get his attention. He was wearing a white cowboy hat.

“What do you think?” He prompted, grinning, “Is this a look or what?”

Ryan chuckled, pushing the bill down towards his eyes.

“It’s _something,”_ he answered.

Jeremy grumbled at him, pushing the hat back up. 

“What about you?” Jeremy directed at Gavin, “Is this a look or what?”

“Or what,” Gavin scoffed.

Ryan choked on sudden laughter.

“Don’t encourage him!” Jeremy hissed at him.

After they determined it was _not_ a look, Jeremy picked up a flask for Jack and they wandered back out to the sidewalk. Gavin and Jeremy led the way, teasing each other and laughing. So far Ryan was enjoying Christmas.

Ryan glanced at a toy store window and stopped suddenly, eyes locked on the display. Or rather, on the woman setting up the display. On her hands. She’d turned to someone and even at that angle, he recognized what she signed.

** Sunshine. **

He hadn’t seen what she said before that, just “sunshine”. He moved towards her, eyes staring at her hands as they set up a little Christmas scene in the window. She hadn’t noticed him yet.

“V?” Gavin called to him, “What is it?”

“Vaga, you okay?” Jeremy spoke.

Ryan ignored them or rather he didn’t really hear them. Like he knew they were speaking, but his mind immediately dismissed it. They were still speaking, tugging on his sleeves as he walked towards her. As he reached the window, she noticed him. His hand reached up and he pressed it against the glass. She was looking at him suspiciously, squinting. She didn’t recognize him.

She had his eyes. 


	13. Chapter 13

James shivered in the snow, hunching closer over himself. _So cold. Mom says sing when you’re cold, but my throat hurts._ His stomach growled at him and he pressed his hands into it. _Mom says sing when you’re hungry, but I can’t sing._ He looked up at the dark sky, feeling lonely. He squeezed his legs closer to him. _Mom says sing when you’re lonely._

“Y-you...are my s-sunshine,” He croaked, wincing at the burning in his throat, “M-my only...s-s-sun-sh-shine.”

He coughed and shuddered as he tasted something metal. _Bleck._ He buried his face in his knees. _I tried mom, but I can’t sing. Please come back soon, I’m so alone._

~

She was frowning at Ryan like she thought he looked familiar, but couldn’t quite remember. _She doesn’t recognize me._ His hand on the glass clenched into a fist and tears spilled from his eyes. _She doesn’t recognize her own eyes staring at her._ She was looking at him with concern on her face. She almost looked motherly. 

An insane bark of laughter burst from his mouth. _Motherly._ He could practically feel the smack to the side of his head reminding him of her version of “motherly”. He couldn’t look at her any more. He turned and ran. He sprinted through the brightly lit streets, twisting and turning, getting himself as lost as he could. He wanted nothing more than to disappear, vanish into thin air. 

He heard Jeremy’s car rumbling nearby and was jarred from his mindless running. He ducked into a narrow alley and found the nearest shed without a lock. He curled up, face pressed to his knees, arms squeezing around his legs. _Cold. Alone. Tired._ His throat burned with the memory of the pain he endured. He nearly froze or starved to death. 

_Why is she here? How long as she been this close? Whatam I supposed to do now? Do I talk to her or pretend she doesn’t exist? What do I do?!_ He shook with sobs, confused and aching. He wished Ray was there to help him, tell him what he’s supposed to do.

_I don’t think retreat is your best option._

Ray would say he needed to confront the issue. He’d encourage him to go visit the shop and talk to her. Most of all, he’d tell him to pick up his damn phone that’d been ringing nonstop since he’d taken off. He pulled it out to see it was Jeremy calling. He answered.

“V? You there? Can you hear me?” Jeremy called into the phone.

“Yes, I can hear you,” Ryan answered.

“Hey, are you alright?” Jeremy asked, “You just ran off, we’re worried.”

“I’m f-“ Ryan cut himself off.

No, they said they’d be there for him. Now was the time to lean on them.

“I’m scared,” he admitted quietly.

There was a brief pause of time.

“The woman in the window,” Jeremy finally growled, “She hurt you, didn’t she?”

“Y-Yes,” Ryan mumbled around tears, “Sh-she hurt me a-a lot.”

“Then I’ll kill her,” Jeremy answered.

“N-no!” Ryan shouted, startling himself.

Why was he defending her life when she nearly killed him?

“Okay, should we grab her?” Jeremy asked, “We can get her into the bunker for you, if you want.”

“No, d-don’t touch her,” Ryan insisted, “I d-don’t know what I want t-to do.”

“Alright, fair enough,” Jeremy conceded, “Can you tell me where you are?”

_**Sing when you feel lonely.** _

“Just listen.”

Ryan hung up and took a deep breath.

“You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine.

You make me happy,

When skies are gray.

You’ll never know, dear,

How much I love you,

So please don’t take my sunshine away.

The other night dear, 

As I lay sleeping,

I dreamed I held you in my arms.

When I woke dear, I was mistaken,

So I hung my head and cried.

You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine.

You make me happy,

When skies are gray.

You’ll never know, dear,

How much I love you-“

The door of the shed opened and Jeremy rushed to his side, immediately throwing his arms around him. Ryan gripped his shirt in tight fists and sobbed into his shoulder. Jeremy rubbed his back and kissed his head, whispering reassurances. Eventually Gavin popped in and joined the hug as well, wrapping his arms around Ryan’s waist from behind. He was the middle of the lad sandwich now and Ryan thought he could die happy like that.

~

“Nope, gotta have marshmallows,” Jeremy dismissed, “I don’t make the rules, baby and I don’t break them.”

Ryan rolled his eyes as he plopped a handful of marshmallows into Ryan’s mug. 

“And there you go,” Jeremy chirped, sliding his mug towards him, “The ultimate comfort cocoa. Patent pending.”

Ryan laughed and gingerly picked up the mug. Jeremy stopped him.

“Nope, you’re holding it wrong,” he muttered, “Like this.”

He demonstrated on his own mug, wrapping both hands flat around it.

“There’s a lot of rules for this comfort cocoa,” Ryan grumbled as he wrapped his hands around the warm mug.

His chest lightened as the mug warmed his hands and he looked up at Jeremy in surprise. Jeremy grinned.

“What’d I tell ya?” He laughed, “I never steer you wrong, battle buddy.”

Ryan snorted and rolled his eyes. He returned to lifting the cup to his lips and took a careful sip. Followed by a gulp, his eyes widening. _Mm. Chocolate and caramel, creamy and rich._ Ryan drank another gulp, this time getting some marshmallows. 

“So good,” he groaned.

Jeremy laughed again and Ryan felt like he was melting. As the warm liquid slid down his throat, warmth spread through him in waves. Jeremy was right, he did feel better. He grinned at Jeremy who grinned back then leaned towards him. Ryan leaned towards him too, but even with his height, they couldn’t reach each other. 

“Fucking counter,” Jeremy growled, hoisting himself up onto it.

Ryan laughed around the kiss. _What a dork._ Jeremy grabbed the collar of his jacket and Ryan gripped the back of his neck as they mouthed against each other. Ryan’s tongue swiped into Jeremy’s mouth and he realized Jeremy almost always tasted like his comfort cocoa. His heart pounded in his chest. _Does he often need comfort?_

“What the actual fuck are you two doing?!”

They froze, opening their eyes to stare at each other in alarm. They broke off to turn towards Geoff who looked livid.

“Get the hell off my counter!” He snapped, “No making out over my clean counters! No making out in my kitchen at all!”

Ryan snorted, trying to stifle laughter as Jeremy hopped down. 

“Jeez, Geoff,” He grumbled, “Such a spoilsport.”

“Vagabond, what’s your favorite part of him?” Geoff growled, “That way if I catch you fucking around in here again, I can cut it off him and punish you both.”

Even though Ryan was blushing he eyed Jeremy, stroking his chin as if he was deciding. Jeremy smacked him in the arm as he hopped up on the barstool next to him. Ryan put his arms around him.

“I like his mouth the most,” he answered.

Jeremy went bright red and hissed at Ryan to shut up while Geoff actually laughed. Ryan kissed his blushing cheek and laid his head on his shoulder. Which was the least plush shoulder he’d ever felt. _Fucking muscles._

“So you feel better now?” Jeremy mumbled once Geoff had began cooking, “Not to bring you down or anything, but I want to gloat about my cocoa.”

“Yeah, I feel better,” Ryan laughed, “I admit you were right.”

“Ha! Never doubt me again! Suck it, V!” Jeremy cheered triumphantly. 

“Okay, but not here,” Ryan whispered, “I don’t want Geoff to cut out whatever makes your mouth beg me so nicely.”

Jeremy’s blush returned in full force and he immediately started dragging Ryan to his bedroom. Ryan laughed at his eagerness as he followed. Once they were at the door, Ryan suddenly realized that Geoff now knew he was fucking Jeremy. He winced a bit at the realization. Though he’d barely reacted to it at all, so maybe he already knew? Did Jeremy tell him? He opened his mouth to ask, but Jeremy cut him off.

“Hey, did you tell Geoff?” He whispered.

Ryan shook his head and pushed open his door. Was what they had a secret? He supposed to some degree it was meant to be, but they weren’t exactly sneaking around. Or at least he and Jeremy weren’t. Gavin leapt away from him any time someone else was nearby. So did Gavin not want them to know? Now that he talked around them, he _should_ just ask them these questions. He _should,_ but that didn’t mean he was going to.


	14. Chapter 14

Ryan grunted. _Fuck, he’s bad at this._ As attractive as Jeremy’s head was between his thighs, he was _really_ bad. Ryan hissed as Jeremy scraped his teeth against him again. _Fuck. Come on, you can talk now, just give him some feedback._

“J-jere, t-too much teeth,” he groaned, “C-cover the bottom ones with your t-tongue.”

Jeremy’s tongue flattened out under his cock.

“Good boy,” Ryan grunted, “Relax your j-jaw.”

Jeremy’s jaw dropped open further. 

“Ah, fuck, there you go baby,” Ryan moaned, “Good boy, t-taking my cock so good. Always s-so good for me, fuck.”

Jeremy moaned, surging forward to take more of him. Ryan wanted to fuck his face so damn bad, but knew he was definitely not ready for that. He fumbled for one of Jeremy’s hands, pushing it to his dick, wrapping it around him. Jeremy got the picture quickly, jerking him off while trying to keep his mouth moving. Fuck he could jerk him off like an expert though. Jeremy sucked and Ryan jolted.

“F-fuck!” He hissed, “Good boy, l-learning quick.”

Jeremy moaned again and Ryan could feel his body coiling. His fists tightened in the sheets and his thighs shook around Jeremy’s head.

“B-baby, I’m cl-close,” He moaned, “F-fuck! Jer-emy!”

Jeremy pulled back as he came and Ryan gasped as his jizz shot over Jeremy’s face. Jeremy moaned and Ryan’s dick insisted it could go again. Jeremy looked dazed, staring at him through wet lashes. 

“Did I d-do it?” He croaked hoarsely, “M-my f-first time?”

Ryan’s dick was 100% sure it could go again. 

“Y-Yes, you d-did it,” Ryan choked out, “G-good boy.”

He patted his head shakily and Jeremy grinned, wobbling. 

“I came in my p-pants,” he happily informed Ryan who blushed crimson.

_Jesus fucking Christ, this kid._ He hurried to clean him up and get his soiled clothes off. He got some pjs on him and then they settled under the covers. Ryan nuzzled up to his ear and kissed him gently.

“You don’t _have_ to tell me,” Jeremy mumbled, “But I wanna listen if and when you’re ready, okay?”

Ryan pulled him closer.

“Okay,” Ryan agreed, “But you too...talk to me.”

jeremy laughed nervously.

”Hah, what do I have to talk about?” He joked, “I’m living my best life right now.”

_Then why do you drink so much of your comfort cocoa?_ Ryan grunted, not wanting to ask that and destroy how peaceful it felt. _Later, later I’ll ask,_ he thought as he drifted off to sleep.

~

“Well, what do you think?” Gavin prompted, putting his chin on Ryan’s shoulder.

Ryan smiled at him in the mirror and turned his head to see the little black cross dangling from his ear. He reached up and flicked it with one finger.

“I think I love it,” he laughed.

He turned towards Gavin and pulled him onto his lap. Gavin giggled as he settled in his lap, arms going over his shoulders. He kissed Gavin chastely, wrapping his arms tighter around his waist. He pulled him closer, kissing down his jaw to his throat. Gavin’s head moved back, baring his throat better. Ryan nipped at the sensitive skin as his hands ran down his back to his ass. Gavin groaned, his hips rolling forward. 

_Bang bang bang!_

“Gavin!” Geoff shouted, “Let’s go! Time’s wasting!”

Gavin leapt from Ryan’s lap and gestured at him to hide out of view of the door. _So it **is** a secret. _Ryan suppressed a sigh as Gavin opened the door.

“Geoffrey!” Gavin greeted way too loudly, “What is it?”

“Look at your damn phone now and then,” Geoff grumbled, “And you’d fucking know. Read your messages and get dressed!”

He stormed away and Gavin closed the door, quickly looking through his messages as Ryan walked up behind him. He wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed a kiss to his neck.

“V, I can’t,” Gavin grumbled.

He didn’t move though, so Ryan ran his hands down to his belt.

_“V~!”_ Gavin groaned.

“I’m helping,” Ryan whispered in his ear, “You gotta change, right?”

Gavin hummed noncommittally as Ryan opened his pants and got a hand around him. Ryan bit his neck, getting a moan from him. Then Gavin was frantically pushing his jeans and underwear down, bending to brace himself against the door. Ryan fumbled for lube as Gavin rocked impatiently.

“Hurry up!” He hissed, “I don’t have time for loving embraces right now!”

Ryan snorted, shoving two slick fingers in him roughly. Gavin huffed, back bending. Ryan bit more at his neck as he fingered him quickly as he safely could. 

“Now! Now!” Gavin demanded urgently.

Ryan was slicked up and pressing in when the door vibrated under Gavin’s face. 

_Bang bang bang!_

“Gavin!” Geoff shouted, “The fuck did I just say?!”

Gavin urgently waved Ryan forward and Ryan almost laughed. 

“Uh, s-something about, um, a j-job?” Gavin tried.

He shuddered, biting his lip as Ryan pushed flush with his ass.

“Gavin Free, I’m going to kick your ass!” Geoff growled.

Ryan bit Gavin’s neck again as he started moving, smirking against his skin as Gavin struggled to maintain his composure.

“I-I’m almost ready, unh, j-just a bit longer, promise!” He called through the door.

“Good, hurry!” Geoff snapped.

Ryan listened to him storm away and locked the door before really starting up. Gavin groaned as he fucked into him. They were lucky the door didn’t have the tiniest bit of looseness or it’d be rattling loudly with the gusto Ryan fucked him against it. He gripped his hips hard enough they could’ve gotten his prints off him. If Ryan had fingerprints anyway. 

“F-fuck, V,” Gavin groaned, “The hell are you mad about?”

“Wha-What?” Ryan muttered dazedly.

“N-Nothing, you’re fucking amazing right now,” Gavin moaned, “I’m gonna be, unh, th-thinking about this all week, fuck.”

Ryan’s ego fucking soared, hearing that and he definitely didn’t cum from that like a narnsscist. It was definitely a factor though. Seconds after he came, he had to catch Gavin when his knees gave out as he came. 

“Fucking shit,” Gavin mumbled deliriously as Ryan carried him to his bed, “Geoff’s gonna be pissed I dipped.”

He held up his phone and shot a text off to Geoff as Ryan pulled his clothes off him. He cleaned him up and got him bundled up under the covers before quickly moving to clean the door. 

“Hurry up,” Gavin mumbled, “Need you.”

Ryan cleaned quickly and shed most of his own clothes. He crawled in with him, heart squeezing as Gavin tangled himself around him. He rubbed his face against Ryan’s chest and sighed.

“Why were you so worked up?” He asked quietly, “If you’re mad at me, you have to tell me.”

Ryan’s heart pounded in his chest and Gavin looked up at him, teary-eyed.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “Please don’t leave.”

Ryan felt guilt slicing up his organs. The truth was he wasn’t sure what set him off. 

“I won’t,” he assured him, “I’m... not sure.”

“Not sure why you’re mad?” Gavin clarified.

“Yes, I’m not...good,” Ryan muttered, “With this...yet.”

Gavin squeezed him and kissed his lips.

“I like the implication of yet,” he joked lightly.

Ryan smiled weakly. 

“I’m sorry I keep running,” he mumbled, “I don’t...want you to-“

_Bang bang bang!_

“Gavin, what the fuck?!” Geoff shouted, banging on the door more, “What the hell are you doing?!”

Gavin flashed a panicked look at Ryan.

“N-Nothing!” Gavin squawked, “Just f-feelin’, er, sick.”

Fire curled around Ryan’s organs like a snake and squeezed. _Ah. That’s what I’m mad about._

“Gavin, your door is locked, dumbass!” Geoff shouted, “I can’t hear you!”

Gavin sighed and sent him another text. 

“Fuck you, Gavin!” Geoff shouted, “You’re in trouble when I get back!”

Gavin sighed, burying his face in Ryan’s chest.

“Sorry, please continue,” he muttered.

“I just, don’t want...” Ryan mumbled, “You to think...I’ll ditch you.”

He was struggling not to fold in on himself, not to pull back into his shell. He knew he was mad that Gavin didn’t want Geoff to know about them. But he knew it was an irrational anger. Gavin could tell or not tell whoever he wanted and Ryan would respect that. But...he wanted Gavin to be more like he was at the party, confident and proud with Ryan on his arm. He was always so confident, on the job especially. 

“Okay, so grab something for me,” Gavin suddenly spoke.

Ryan sat up, raising an eyebrow. 

“Grab my box,” Gavin instructed, sitting up with a wince.

Ryan retrieved the piercing box with the gun and then Gavin just suddenly pierced his left ear. Ryan frowned at him in confusion. _What is happening right now?_

“There, now we promise,” Gavin informed him, “No running from each other. No ditching.”

Ryan chuckled, touching the stud that came with the cross, now in Gavin’s left earlobe. Gavin touched Ryan’s cross gently.

“If you need to run from someone else,” He continued, “And you need to run alone, you can take it out.”

He flicked the cross and smiled.

“And now you’ll have a constant reminder,” he added, “That someone cares about you and won’t leave you.”

He smiled softly, but then suddenly crumpled, burying his face in his hands. Ryan wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him closely. He laid them down, pulling the covers over them, keeping Gavin close to his chest while he cried. _Won’t leave you. Someone left him._ Ryan held him tightly and touched the earring.

“You have one too,” He whispered, “A constant reminder that someone cares about you and won’t leave you.”

He kissed the earring and let his lips hover a moment. _It’s time. It’s now or never._ He squeezed his eyes closed.

“My name is Ryan.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: physical abuse.

“Ryan?” Gavin mumbled, “I wouldn’t have guessed.”

“Technically it’s James Ryan,” Ryan muttered, “But I don’t like my first name.”

“Why?” Gavin pressed, “‘S not so bad.”

Ryan bit his lip.

“I...became someone else,” he explained, hesitantly, “My life changed... _I_ changed. I don’t want to...be reminded of him...of James.”

“I think...I understand,” Gavin answered, “Mine’s David by the way. My middle name.”

Ryan smiled against his ear.

“You’re the first by the way,” he mumbled, “Other than Ray.”

Gavin pulled back to look up at him in surprise.

“What even Geoff and Jack?” He demanded.

Ryan smiled and nodded. He brushed a thumb over his cheek. 

“You were first after all,” he teased, bumping their noses together.

Gavin giggled, bouncing a bit. 

“You’re like an internet commenter,” Ryan joked.

“First!” Gavin laughed.

Ryan nuzzled up against his neck, pressing kisses over his throat.

“You’re a spoiled little boy,” He taunted, “I give you everything, huh?”

“Mm, you could give me more,” Gavin mused.

“You said you’d think about it for a week,” Ryan scoffed, groping his ass, “Need more than that?”

“Fuck yeah,” Gavin insisted, “You need a second dick. I have two holes.”

Gavin flinched a bit as Ryan’s cock jumped up, whacking him in the thigh. Ryan blushed bright red and cleared his throat.

“You like that, huh?” Gavin taunted, “Wanna see me stuffed on both ends?”

Ryan shuddered. Gavin nosed against his ear.

“You know, Jeremy and I were talking,” he whispered, “We th-“

“Yes! Yes!” Ryan blurted eagerly.

His hips rubbed against Gavin’s bare thigh.

“Whoa, more eager than we thought,” Gavin teased, “We thought we might have to really work to convince you.”

“You’re joking,” Ryan snorted, mouthing at his throat, “You t-two together? Fuck.”

He didn’t bother clarifying he wanted to watch _them_ together. He could do that from one end of one of them. He groaned, biting at Gavin’s throat. 

“Mm, V, I’m sore,” Gavin grunted.

“I can just blow you,” Ryan pointed out, already moving down.

“So cock-hungry,” Gavin groaned, as Ryan pushed him flat, “N-not complaining though, f-fuck!”

Ryan smirked around his cock. Gavin pushed one hand into Ryan’s hair while the other toyed with his earring. He had a soft smile on his face as he looked at the little cross. Ryan reached up to hold his hand. He looked in Ryan’s eyes and Ryan choked with a flood of emotion, blushing. 

“Th-this is a t-terrible time to br-bring this up,” Gavin muttered, “But...c-can we be, um, boy-boyfriends now?”

Ryan’s face only went redder and with no other alternative, he buried his it in Gavin’s lap to hide the blush. 

“F-fuck,” Gavin groaned, “I’m t-taking that as a y-yes.”

Ryan nodded with some difficulty. _This is so fucking embarrassing._

“Am I first again?” Gavin asked, breathlessly, “I-I mean with the Lads.”

Ryan nodded again. Gavin pulsed in his mouth and he glanced up. Gavin was biting his lip, thighs trembling. _Is he getting off on beating the other lads? Competitive._ Ryan stifled laughter and started moving. Their clasped hands squeezed tightly and Gavin’s voice sounded so sweet calling out Ryan’s real name. 

~

Ryan was eternally grateful that she turned out to be working when he went into the toy store. He wasn’t sure he could make himself come in a second time. She was extremely apprehensive as he approached her. No doubt the window incident had freaked her out. He put up a hand to signal he came in peace as he stopped in front of her.

“Hello, Miss Haywood?” He greeted, “Do you remember me?”

She shook her head.

“I’m John, Louisa’s son,” He explained, “I have to apologize for the other day. I must have caused you some anxiety. It’s just, my mother passed away recently and seeing you made me remember some old times.”

Her face softened a bit and she seemed to recognize the names at least somewhat. Ryan was thankful because they were the only names he could remember from before they were completely homeless.

“Perhaps we could get some hot chocolate,” he suggested, “The coffee shop down the way is quite good. If you’re free today.”

**I have a break today. Let me talk to my boss,** she signed.

He nodded with a small smile. As soon as she turned away from him, his shoulders relaxed and he tried to get his breathing to stay even. Phantom blows and embraces alike shuddered through his body, but he did his best to shove them down deep inside him until the meeting was over. It worked to some degree as they walked to the shop, got cocoa, and sat down. Ryan wrapped his hands around the mug like Jeremy had him do. He relaxed a bit and smiled softly.

“So how’s James?” He asked, perhaps too soon.

**I don’t know,** she answered, **I gave him up.**

Gave him up. Incorrect. Abandoned was the correct word.

“Oh, I see,” he mumbled, “I’m sorry if I’ve brought up a sore subject.”

**Not at all,** she dismissed, **I know he was better off without me. I was a bad mom back then.**

_Back then?_ Ryan caught sight of a glittering ring on her left hand. His insides tightened and he struggled to maintain his calm. 

“I’m sure you’ve improved with time,” he assured her, trying to keep the tightness out of his voice, “Did you have more children?”

**Yes, three more,** she answered, **all adopted.**

_Three?! Three?! Three adopted kids?!_ She fucking handpicked them because _James_ hadn’t been a good enough kid. Ryan felt like everything just got worse since they started talking.

“Were you not able to keep in contact with James’ adoptive parents?” He questioned.

**Back then the system was different,** she replied, looking regretful. **For him to be taken directly into the system, he had to be abandoned.**

_Oh is that the excuse?_

“That must’ve been difficult,” he prompted in a murmur.

**It was,** she admitted.

“Have you tried to find him?” He asked, “Perhaps you could reconnect?”

**I wouldn’t know where to start,** she pointed out, face dropping into one of hopelessness. _Well, literally any start at all would be a good one._ Suddenly he felt tired and depressed. This wasn’t helping him resolve anything. She was the same as before: part sweet, part sour.

They chatted vaguely about their current lives for awhile before he walked her back to the store. He waved goodbye as she went back to work and he paused outside to look at the Christmas scene in the window. A little train circled a small town, the whole place covered in fake snow. It seemed cheerful despite the cold atmosphere, warm little lights all over the tiny town. 

He started to walk away when he noticed a furious man storm into the door. He watched through the window as the man stomped toward her. She cowered, trying to sign something, but he didn’t appear to give a shit. He was shouting at her, it looked like, but Ryan had no idea what he was saying. 

Then he raised his hand. Ryan dashed in the store, slamming into the guy right after the blow landed. He smashed his face with his fist. The man tried to buck him off, but Ryan was too heavy to be knocked over that easily. He twisted the guy’s arms behind his back and shoved his knee into his lower back. 

Before he could break an arm or haul him out of there, something smashed over his back. He grunted in pain and his head whipped around. His mother was the one who did it. He scowled at her.

**Let him go,** she insisted.

“He just hit you!” He growled, “Jesus fucking Christ! Is that why you hit me, abused your own fucking child?! Because _you_ were used to getting abused?”

He stood up, shoving his boot in the guy’s lower back. He grabbed her shirt as she processed his words.

“Are you a fucking idiot?!” He screamed in her face, “He’s hurting you! I just stopped him from hurting you more! Why the fuck would you defend him?!”

**Because I love him.**

Ryan recoiled, turning away. She grabbed his arm to turn him around so she could speak to him.

**Sunshine? Is it really you?**

His face curled in disgust.

“Don’t call me that!” he spat, “You two are really meant for each other. I hope your new family is whatever it was you wanted that I didn’t have.”

He walked away, ignoring her trying to turn him back around again. This whole thing was stupid. He shouldn’t have gone there. He should’ve known he wouldn’t get any satisfaction or closure from the ordeal. His mother had always been like that. _Full of excuses. Full of bullshit._


	16. Chapter 16

Ryan stared at his wall, exhausted and unable to sleep. The anger was gone now. Now he was empty. What had he really expected? To just walk in there and reverse the trauma that shaped his entire life? Had he really intended to confront her? What answers had he actually been looking for? He curled in on himself, burying his face in his knees.

“You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine.

You make me happy,

When skies are gray.

You’ll never know, dear,

How much I love you,

So please don’t take my sunshine away.

The other night dear,

As I lay sleeping,

I dreamed I held you in my arms.

When I woke dear, I was mistaken,

So I hung my head and cried.

You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine.

You make me happy,

When skies are gray.

You’ll never know, dear,

How much I love you,

So please don’t take my sunshine away.”

“V?” Jeremy called softly, “Are you okay?”

“No.”

Jeremy closed the door and locked it before coming over to the bed. He climbed in behind him and curled around him.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, “I can make you cocoa if you want.”

“No.”

“Is there something else I can get you?” He offered.

“No.”

Jeremy took a hold of his hand and squeezed it. He kissed his ear and rubbed his thumb over the back of his hand. Ryan twisted suddenly, grabbing him and shoving his face into his chest. Jeremy pressed his cheek to the top of his head and rubbed circles on his back. Ryan felt some of his despair fade away and he relaxed a bit.

“I like your earring,” Jeremy mumbled, “It suits you.”

Ryan hummed in response. _Does it?_

“Gavin really likes his,” Jeremy added, “He keeps touching it and smiling. I asked him about it, but he told me to keep my nose out.”

Ryan snorted. _Sounds like Gavin._

“Geoff of course just said it made him look gayer,” Jeremy laughed, “And Gavin sputtered something to the effect of “no, you”. Idiot.”

Ryan felt his insides freeze up. _Is Geoff harassing Gavin about being gay? Is that why doesn’t want him to know?_ Ryan was suddenly reminded of how often Geoff made jokes about them all being gay. Stuff that Ryan had assumed was just teasing. Was it not that way for Gavin? Maybe it really upset him, but he never wanted to cause problems. 

“What’re you thinking about so hard?” Jeremy asked, pulling back enough to look in his eyes, “What’s wrong?”

Ryan reached up and took a hold of his face to kiss him. Jeremy hummed against him, clearly pleased by the turn of events. Ryan pressed his tongue deep in his mouth, swiping to taste the cocoa on his tongue. He pulled back and Jeremy whined, making a pouty face.

“Why do you drink so much of your cocoa?” Ryan asked, quietly.

Jeremy frowned, glancing away. 

“Um, cause it’s good?” He offered, clearly lying.

Ryan sighed heavily. 

“Why won’t you talk to me?” He muttered.

Jeremy looked at him with sharp eyes, glaring.

“Really?!” He demanded, “You’re going to lecture me on not talking?!”

Ryan scowled, opening his mouth to argue, but stopped, his face dropping.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he admitted, “I’m... the last person...who should judge. I’m sorry.”

Jeremy sighed, putting his hand on Ryan’s cheek.

“I’m sorry, that was harsh,” he apologized, “I get...defensive with this stuff.”

“Me too,” Ryan grumbled, “That makes it hard...to actually talk.”

Jeremy laughed bitterly and dragged a hand down his face.

“Yeah, you’re right there,” he muttered.

“How about...an exchange?” Ryan offered, “I tell you something. You tell me.”

Jeremy smiled softly at him.

“Alright,” he agreed, “That sounds fair. Can I make requests?”

“Um, sure,” Ryan answered, a bit nervous.

Jeremy poked his nose.

“Of course you don’t have to answer,” he pointed out, “But...the lady in the toy store. She’s your mother, isn’t she?”

Ryan sighed, closing his eyes.

“Was it that obvious?” He grunted.

“She has your eyes,” Jeremy answered, shrugging, “And you were defensive of her.”

“Yeah, she’s my mom,” Ryan confirmed, opening his eyes, “I hadn’t seen her in...30 years or so?”

“Whoa, I bet that was hard,” Jeremy commented, squeezing his hand, “I’m sorry you had to see her again. That must’ve sucked.”

Ryan puffed out a humorless laugh.

“Yeah, something like that,” he mumbled, “Your turn. Tell me something.”

Jeremy bit his lip. 

“I have depression,” he admitted quietly, “That’s why I drink the cocoa all the time.”

Ryan squeezed him closer.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, “I didn’t mean to pressure you into telling me that.”

“‘S okay,” Jeremy mumbled, tugging at Ryan’s shirt, “It’s not that it’s a big secret or anything...I just don’t want everyone worrying about me. Or bugging me about how I’m feeling.”

“No bugging, got it,” Ryan joked, softly kissing his forehead, “Anything else I should know?”

“Not really,” Jeremy answered, shrugging, “I mean, maybe...we could cuddle more?”

“Fuck yes!” Ryan agreed enthusiastically, “I can do that.”

Jeremy laughed and rubbed his face against Ryan’s chest. 

“V?” He whispered.

“Yes, Jeremy?”

“Can you tell me your name next?” He asked quietly.

“Ryan.”

Jeremy looked up in surprise.

“I thought I was going to have to pry it out of you,” he chuckled, “I...thank you.”

His eyes filled with tears.

“It really means everything to me,” he insisted, “Th-that you trust me.”

Ryan kissed him, holding his face gently.

“I...I think I love you, Ryan,” Jeremy murmured.

Ryan felt a jolt go through him, his heart suddenly pounding in his chest.

“I’m not really sure honestly,” Jeremy added, “It just...feels like it. But can you...give me time to figure it out...as my boyfriend?” 

Ryan nodded, their foreheads bumping together. 

“All the time you need,” He whispered, “I’ll wait for you forever.”

Jeremy’s tears burst from him and he sobbed into Ryan’s shirt. Ryan held him tightly, emotions pulsating and squeezing in his chest. _Two down, one to go?_ He thought, stifling a snort of laughter.

~

Ryan was utterly exhausted as he knocked on Michael’s door. Geoff had him working so much he thought he’d pass out. Geoff was working them all pretty hard. He insisted they were going to be prepared to take a full week off for Christmas. Ryan wasn’t sure what suddenly prompted him to think Christmas was super important that year, but Ryan hadn’t gotten more than a few minutes with any of the lads for four days. He felt like he had a lads meter that was running on empty. 

He needed to recharge, but Jeremy and Gavin were on a job. He felt bad about bothering Michael in his busy season, but his face brightened up immediately when he opened the door. He pulled him in and past the divide quickly, a bit of a bounce in his step. Everything was tidied up, the mess now retreating back behind the divide. 

“I wanna show you something!” Michael declared excitedly.

They were going for the computer, to Ryan’s surprise. Michael pulled pink fabric off the chair and put it with more pink fabric. The place was covered in pink fabric, Ryan realized. He wondered what he was making, but didn’t get the chance to ask before Michael was sitting and pulling him into his lap.

“The twitch bitch got the first of the dresses bought for her,” he explained, opening YouTube, “She made a video for them.”

Ryan leaned forward to watch her modeling the dresses, impressed by the number of them.

“Were all the orders meant for her?” He asked curiously.

“No, but a good portion were,” Michael answered.

He nuzzled his face into Ryan’s side and held him tightly. Ryan relaxed in his arms, resting his head on Michael’s. 

“Hey, V?” Michael murmured, “You know how, uh, how I said I wanted to be your boyfriend?”

Ryan’s heart started pounding frantically and he blushed.

“Y-Yes,” he mumbled.

“The other lads said...” Michael started, sounding apprehensive, “They said you guys are boyfriends now...so I was wondering...is-is there room for me?”

Ryan pulled back, grabbing his face and smiling softly at him. He pressed their lips together and nuzzled his nose up against Michael’s ear. He nodded, too overwhelmed with the warm fuzzies to properly verbalize. Michael relaxed below him, slumping back a bit. He was looking as exhausted as Ryan felt. Ryan stood up and dragged him to his bed, pushing him under cover and settling by his side. _Come on, one last thing._

“My name is Ryan,” he spoke quietly.

“Good night, Ryan,” Michael replied, kissing his forehead.

“Good night, Michael.”


	17. Chapter 17

_Game night._ Ryan hadn’t participated yet and despite the fact the crew was busy as shit, Jack insisted they still have it. He was good at caring for them. He was definitely the mom of the group. Ryan winced as he thought that, but the pain in his chest eased when Gavin flopped down. 

Jeremy and Michael were on either side of him and Gavin arrived with “bevs” after they’d already settled on the couch. Then he basically threw himself over their laps, head on Michael’s thigh, legs across Jeremy’s, and torso on Ryan. Ryan nearly jumped in surprise, shocked that he was being physically affectionate in front of the others. 

_Does this mean I get to touch him?_ He wanted to rub his back or play with his hair or kiss him. He cleared his throat a bit nervously, trying to focus on the others picking what game they were going to play. He was dizzy with how warm he felt. A cloud of the lads seemed to float around him, cushioning him and enveloping him in safety and warmth. 

So of course something had to go wrong.

“Gav, you look full homo right now,” Geoff teased.

Gavin’s spine stiffened almost imperceptibly. He sputtered something while the group laughed. Except for Ryan.

“What’s wrong with being gay?” He asked mildly, raising his eyebrow at Geoff.

“Nothing at all,” Geoff laughed, “I just like to tease Gavin for being such a softie.”

Then he frowned.

“Wait, you don’t think I mean actually gay, do you?” He demanded, “I don’t mean gay as in orientation. I mean it as, uh, what’s the word I’m looking for, Jack?”

“Affectionate, caring, loving,” Jack offered.

“Right, that,” Geoff agreed, “Oh god, I didn’t realize what it sounded like. I’m so sorry if I made you guys uncomfortable.”

Gavin suddenly sat up, ass fully in Ryan’s lap. Ryan watched him closely, worried by how he’d react. Gavin turned watery eyes on him. _Oh no!_ Ryan’s hands fluttered around him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He cried, panicking, “Wh-What did I d-do? What d-do you need? Don’t cry!”

“You did that for me, didn’t you?” Gavin whispered.

Ryan swallowed nervously and nodded his head. _I interfered, that was wrong of me._ Gavin launched into a hug, nearly knocking his head against Ryan’s as he buried his face in his neck. Ryan’s arms went around him naturally and he squeezed him tightly, rubbing circles on his back. He went red as he noticed everyone staring at him and suddenly stood up. Gavin was too distressed to squawk at the sudden movement.

“I think Gavin and I will pass on game night,” he muttered.

He started for his room and Gavin’s arms around his neck tightened as they walked down the hall. He was clinging so tightly he trembled from the effort and Ryan’s heart ached. He laid him down once they got to his bed and tried to pull away to take off Gavin’s jeans, but Gavin squeezed.

“Pl-please don’t leave me!” He sobbed, “I-I can’t d-do it again! I-I’ll do whatever y-you want, I pr-promise! I can s-suck you off e-every day, pl-please!”

He partially let go to grab at Ryan’s pants, hands frantic and shaking. Ryan’s eyes leaked tears as he put his hands over Gavin’s, stopping him. Gavin looked up, face full of desperation and fear. Ryan let go of one of his hands to reach up and tap the earring in Gavin’s ear and then flick his own. He smiled softly and Gavin’s body sagged, tension flooding out of him in a sudden rush. 

He was quiet as he let Ryan take their pants off to get under the covers. He gripped Ryan’s shirt tightly and pressed his face against his chest. Ryan wrapped his arms around him and held him closely. He tried to make his own tears stop, but it was impossible with Gavin crying against his chest. _Abandoned._ Ryan’s fingers tangled in Gavin’s hair as he held the back of his head, keeping his face pressed up against him. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Gavin mumbled, muffled by Ryan’s chest, “I’m s-sorry I’m such a m-mess! I’m not worth the ef-effort and-and I’m-“

“Shh,” Ryan hushed him, “You _are_ worth it Gavin. I want to be with you and I want to comfort you when you need it. Gavin, I...”

Ryan’s heart exploded as he realized what he was about to say.

“I love you,” He whispered.

“I love you!” Gavin cried, not moving to look up.

Ryan’s chest squeezed and warmth coiled around his heart. 

“And before you ask,” he joked, “You’re the first of the lads.”

Gavin laughed against him, finally pulling his head back to look up at Ryan. His green eyes were filled with love, his desperation having cleared. Ryan rubbed a thumb over his cheek and kissed him lightly. Gavin smiled weakly and reached up to touch the stud in his ear. 

“One of my greatest ideas,” he joked.

“Yeah, it’s pretty good,” Ryan agreed, reaching up to flick the cross again.

Gavin snuggled back into his chest and sighed.

“It’s...gonna take me a bit,” he mumbled, “To get the idea that you actually love me into my head. Can you be patient?”

“Of course,” Ryan assured him, running a hand through Gavin’s hair, “For you, I could wait a thousand years.”

~

Geoff cornered Ryan in the kitchen. Ryan sipped his coffee, frowning at the taste while Geoff blocked his only exit. He sighed, putting down the coffee to wait for Geoff to speak or move. Not that Ryan couldn’t literally pick the man up and toss him away, he just didn’t want to do that. He liked Geoff, cared about him, and didn’t want to hurt him. But it was tempting with him invading his personal space like he was.

“You’re a bastard,” Geoff grunted, “I will toss you on your ass if you keep fucking with him.”

Ryan frowned down at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Gavin!” Geoff spat, “You’re fucking two-timing him! I will not allow you to hurt him!”

Ryan’s eyebrows went up in surprise. _Two-timing?_

“You think I’m cheating on him?” He muttered.

“I _know_ you are!” Geoff snapped, “You come out of Michael’s room covered in bite marks!”

Ryan blushed crimson and opened his mouth to explain, but was cut off.

“And Jeremy comes out of yours the same way!” Geoff continued, “I’m not going to allow this! Gavin deserves better!”

Ryan’s heart stopped working and his eyes filled with tears. He squeezed them shut to stop them from falling. _Deserves better. Deserves better. Deserves better._

“Geoff, what are you doing?” Jeremy’s voice growled.

Ryan’s eyes opened to look at him and two burning tears seared their way down his cheeks. Jeremy looked livid as he launched towards Geoff, firing off a solid kidney shot before Geoff could realize he was being attacked. Geoff stumbles and Jeremy turned to Ryan, hands going to his face and eyes softening.

“Are you alright, darling?” He questioned lightly.

“No.”

“He hurt you?” Jeremy pressed tightly.

“N-no.”

Jeremy squinted at him suspiciously, searching his eyes.

“But he said something that hurt,” he reasoned, “Didn’t he?”

Ryan’s face was flooded with tears and he covered it with his hands, whimpering. Jeremy pulled him to his chest, wrapping his arms around him. He turned them slightly to address Geoff.

“What the fuck did you say to him?!” He demanded, “I will kick your teeth in, Ramsey!”

“I told him to leave Gavin alone!” Geoff snarled, “Gavin doesn’t need his bullshit! He’s already fucking you and Michael! I’m not just going to stand here and let him use you all like that!”

Ryan choked, sobbing harder. _Using them. I’m using them. I’m the worst. I’m terrible._

“You fucking idiot!” Jeremy snapped, “We all agreed to this! Before he even agreed, we talked it out, so how about you go put your nose in your own fucking business?!”

“I’m not going to stand by while Gavin gets hurt again!” Geoff shouted, voice strained, “I can’t let that happen!”

A heavy sigh drew everyone’s attention and Ryan peeked out from his hands to see Gavin at the doorway. _Deserves better._

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you, Geoff,” Gavin muttered, “You don’t understand anything. _You_ are the one hurting me, Geoff.”

“I-I...” Geoff fumbled for words, “H-how? I’m sorry. I j-just want to protect you.”

“Yeah, well, you’re doing a piss-poor job, buddy,” Gavin grunted, “Do you want to know what he noticed before you?”

He gestured at Ryan.

“He realized your jokes about being gay bothered me,” he continued, “He n-noticed when I needed him. He noticed I d-didn’t want to tell you about us. You’re too b-busy worrying about what _you_ think is wrong that you don’t stop to consider th-that you were wrong.”

Geoff was speechless for a moment.

“G-Gavin, I’m sorry,” he finally muttered, “I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

“Good,” Gavin answered, “Now I would suggest you run.”

He walked to Ryan, taking over hugging duty and Jeremy rolled his shoulders.

“I’ll give you a few seconds of head start,” he growled at Geoff, “Use it wisely.”

Ryan didn’t see what happened next, he just buried his face in Gavin’s shoulder. But the sounds of two quickly running pairs of feet gave him a good idea.

“I’m sorry about that,” Gavin mumbled, “I-I should’ve warned you how he g-gets.”

_Deserves better._ Ryan squeezed him tightly. _Then I have to be better._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, holy shit bruh. This fic is almost over! D: Hopefully there’s a good ending, but who knows? Besides me. ;P
> 
> Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter for no reason other than you love me! @1stworldmutant


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This roller coaster takes a dip, but it’s mostly good, I promise. <3

Ryan couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled so much. Jeremy had dragged him all over, helping him find gifts for the others and spending most of the time making him laugh and smile. They were leaving town soon, so unless Ryan wanted to give everyone pine cones, he had to hurry.

He was unsure why Geoff had suddenly decided to take them out of town for Christmas, but apparently they were going some place with snow. Gavin was particularly excited, insisting his first Christmas would be better with snow. Now he was only days away from leaving town, anxious about getting proper gifts.

Jeremy was very helpful in this regard. He would make general suggestions, rather than pointing out specific things. He knew Ryan wanted to pick the gifts on his own, but still helped guide him in the right direction. He even suggested he get Ray a gift since the others were planning on shipping all theirs together. 

They’d stopped for lunch when Ryan noticed that Jeremy was running on fumes. They were waiting in line and there was a pause in conversation. Jeremy’s expression suddenly deadened right before his eyes. He stared, unseeing at the wall in front of him. He looked exhausted. Ryan felt a twist of guilt for taking up so much of his energy. 

Not really sure what he should do, Ryan squeezed his hand where it was still holding his. Jeremy blinked back into the bright, cheerful look and began chattering again. This time, however, Ryan was sure it was fake. His smile was a bit off, unnatural and practiced. His words started to stutter and his volume got lower. 

Ryan wanted to tell him to stop it, tell him he hated it, that it freaked him out, but he didn’t want to make it about him. If Jeremy had a reason to pretend, Ryan would respect that, but he still found himself wishing he could do something to help. He was frustrated, angry with himself for being so incompetent. They ate quickly, Ryan grateful that it occupied them so Jeremy didn’t have to pretend so hard. 

Afterwards, Ryan wanted to throw him over his shoulder and knock over anyone who stood between him and getting Jeremy home. Jeremy was really starting to deflate, going quiet as they walked down the sidewalk towards where their car was. This was when Ryan spotted her in the crowd moving towards them. It was too bad there weren’t more people to block them from each other’s views. 

He panicked, squeezing Jeremy’s hand so tightly he popped one of Jeremy’s fingers. He winced, looking down to see if he was okay. He stepped aside, out of the throng to lift Jeremy’s hand and make sure he hadn’t broken any bones. He was fine, but Ryan still felt like an asshole. He rubbed his thumbs over the back of his hand and then reached up to brush his hand through his hair. Jeremy blinked a bit, eyes focusing on him. A tiny tired smile appeared and Ryan smiled softly back at him.

“We’ll get home soon, darling,” he assured him, “Then we’ll cuddle as long as you want.”

Jeremy’s smile brightened a bit, but was gone in an instant. His hand shot out and gripped a wrist, yanking it away from where the person was reaching towards Ryan. Ryan didn’t have to look to know who it was. She glared at Jeremy, trying to yank her arm from his grip.

“What do you want?” Ryan questioned coldly, “We’re in a hurry.”

Jeremy let go of her so she could speak.

**Sunshine, I wanted to say I’m sorry and invite you to Christmas. I want to make up for lost time.**

Ryan laughed humorlessly.

“No, thank you,” he grunted, “Goodbye.”

He took Jeremy’s hand and started to move away. She tried to grip his sleeve and pull him back, but he brushed her off easily. He didn’t care about her bullshit, he only cared about getting Jeremy home and cuddling the ever-loving _fuck_ out of him. Jeremy was zoning out pretty hard by the time they got to the car and Ryan carefully pushed him in his seat and put his seatbelt on him. He pressed a light kiss on his cheek before going around to get in the driver’s side. 

He immediately took Jeremy’s hand again and squeezed it. He hated seeing him like that. Like he wasn’t there. Like it was an empty body that once housed Jeremy, but was now merely a hollow shell. He didn’t speak or react until Ryan had them curled up under the covers.

“Sing,” He whispered hoarsely, “Please.”

Ryan pressed a kiss to his ear. He didn’t know a lot of music. Most involved sunshine, which was very fitting for Jeremy.

“I used to think maybe you loved me!” He belted our the words, “Now baby I’m sure!”

Jeremy laughed, encouraging Ryan to keep singing.

“And I just can't wait till the day when you knock on my door!

Now every time I go for the mailbox gotta hold myself down!

'Cause I just can't wait 'til you write me you're coming around!”

Jeremy turned slightly to look at him and his voice joined him for the chorus, smiling.

“I'm walking on sunshine, whoa-oh!

I'm walking on sunshine, whoa-oh!

I'm walking on sunshine, whoa-oh!

And don't it feel good!”

They grinned at each other as they sang the song, even vocalizing some of the music. When it was over, they shared a sweet kiss that Ryan thought tasted like sunshine.

~

“Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot!” 

Ryan glanced at the lads with a raised eyebrow. Michael and Jeremy beat Gavin who squawked his disapproval. Ryan shook his head and smiled fondly, turning back to loading the luggage. 

“Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot!” 

Ryan wondered what they were playing for as they bickered about the draw. Something totally inane and stupid, no doubt.

“Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot!” 

Michael cheered triumphantly as Ryan loaded the last of the luggage. He looked at his duffle bag next to the actual suitcases and sighed. Why did everyone have a suitcase but him? Why did he suddenly care about having a suitcase? He closed up the van and turned to find Michael right behind him, grinning. He instinctively took a step back, bumping into the van and going pink. 

“I’m riding with you first!” He proclaimed cheerfully.

Ryan glanced at where the other two were sulking behind him. _Did they...play Rock Paper Scissors to see who rides with me?_ Ryan blushed darker and his hands fidgeted nervously. 

“Uh, o-okay,” he mumbled, “I guess I’ll m-make sure there’s RedBull in the c-cooler.”

He made to move around Michael, but Michael’s hand on his chest stopped him. He pressed lightly, pinning him to the van and Ryan’s mouth watered. His whole body burned in embarrassment. _Jesus Christ, I’m too old for this shit._

“Tsk, Ryan, not so fast,” Michael tutted, “The lads have a game we’d like to play with you.”

“Th-this isn’t g-gonna be good for my health, is-is it?” He mumbled, chuckling nervously.

Michael grinned wickedly and Ryan’s knees almost gave out. He pulled a small box from his jacket and handed it to Ryan who opened and immediately closed it. His body trembled and flushed and he bit his lip to stop any noise coming out of his mouth. Michael’s grin only got wider.

“So I take that as a yes?” He taunted.

“Y-Yes, sir,” Ryan mumbled breathlessly.

Michael stepped closer and slid his hand down to Ryan’s obvious boner. Ryan groaned as Michael’s hand groped him roughly and his eyes squeezed shut. _Fuck fuck fuck!_ Michael’s lips brushed his ear and he shuddered.

“The game is this,” he whispered, “Whoever gets you to take it off wins. If you last the whole trip, _you_ win.”

His palm rubbed against Ryan who reached out to grip his jacket sleeve tightly. _Damnit, I’m gonna lose so bad._

“The winner among us will choose what they want,” Michael continued, “But if you win, you’ll get all three of us in your bedroom.”

Ryan jolted and dropped his head onto Michael’s shoulder.

“D-did you j-“ Michael started.

“Sh-shut up!” Ryan cried, interrupting.

There was a brief moment of embarrassing awkward silence before someone broke it.

“Not gonna lie,” Gavin spoke up, “That’s kinda hot.”

Ryan shoved Michael away and pulled his shirt down, trying to cover the wet spot in his jeans. He quickly exited the garage and hurried to his room. He slumped against the door and dragged a hand down his face. _Fucking Christ, that was embarrassing!_

“What the fuck are you three doing?” Geoff grumbled from the other side of the door, “It’s almost time to leave.”

“Ahem, well, y-you see-“

“-we were just, uh, just-“

“-g-going to the b-bathroom!”

“Right! Gotta pee first!”

“Yup! Definitely peeing!”

There was a nervous pause of silence.

“You know, I definitely misjudged,” Geoff spoke up, “Obviously Vagabond’s the one in trouble here.”

Ryan snorted, trying to stifle laughter as the lads protested vehemently. 

“I got a black eye for nothing,” Geoff grunted, “I should’ve known you three were the trouble.”

“Give him a fresh black eye, Dooley,” Michael growled.

“With pleasure,” Jeremy answered.

“What the fuck are you all doing here?!” Jack suddenly demanded, “Why am I the only one ready? Go! Get in the cars! I swear to Christ I will kick all of your asses!”

The sounds of four children complaining got quieter as they moved away. Then Jack knocked on Ryan’s door.

“And unless you want to sit in jizz,” He growled, “I suggest you change and move it!”

“Y-Yes, sir!” Ryan quickly responded, face burning.

_Jesus, how did he know that?!_ Ryan decided not to ponder too long and quickly got changed. He swallowed nervously as he pulled the item from the box. _Cock ring._ He pushed his fresh pants and underwear down to slip it on with shaking hands. He was a bit nervous. 

He struggled a moment before he got it on properly. He’d never worn one before. He looked down once it was in place and his cock sprang up immediately. He hissed at the slight constricting feeling, but found it to be not quite painful. _Yet._

“I’m too fucking old for this shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys like the three amigos working together for Ryan’s torture-I mean pleasure? :D
> 
> Don’t forget to @1stworldmutant to boost my self esteem into existence.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: brief joking daddy kink mention (it’s like two lines and is immediately dismissed)

Ryan had had a little bit of time to relax as the crew finally piled into the three vehicles. Geoff and Jack were leading, followed by Gavin and Jeremy, and then Ryan and Michael. Though they all had the directions, so they weren’t really following and therefore not waiting for each other. A fact that Ryan was grateful for as the first car pulled out and Michael decided to speak up.

“Show me,” he ordered.

Ryan blushed, squeezing the steering wheel briefly before opening his pants. He looked away as he pushed his clothes down far enough for Michael to see the ring. Michael hummed and Ryan slowly peeked over at him. Michael licked his lips and Ryan choked around a moan as his dick strained against his pants. Michael pulled out his phone, grinning wickedly and Ryan pulsed. _He wants to take pictures of me. Fuck. I’m gonna fucking lose._

“The lads wanted a confirmation,” Michael announced, “What do you say?”

Ryan turned his blushing face away and nodded. 

“Better make it a good one,” Michael teased, “Take your cock out so they can see it properly.”

_I’m gonna fucking explode and lose and die._ He pulled himself out, biting his lip. He looked at Michael for approval and turned in time to watch him take the picture. He groaned, his eyes and fists squeezed closed. _Fuck._ _What fetish is this even?_ Was it the camera? The feeling of being exposed? Humiliated? A knock came at the window and he moaned, struggling to keep himself from shaking. 

_They’re looking at me._ His knees went together and he pried his eyes open to look at Michael who was grinning. Gavin was at his window, leaning in to look at his crotch. Which meant Jeremy was at his window. 

“Get the window for Lil J, baby,” Gavin ordered.

Ryan’s fist unclenched from his jeans and he pressed the button for the window. Jeremy leaned in and immediately smashed his lips against Ryan’s, mouthing and biting urgently. Ryan gripped the back of his neck to hold him in place. _Squirmy little shit._ He jumped when Michael’s mouth closed around him. The hand not holding Jeremy threaded through Michael’s curls and his hips twitched. _Is this heaven?_

“J, lift his shirt up,” Gavin called.

Ryan’s hips jolted upwards. _Nope. **This** is heaven._ Jeremy’s hands pushed up his shirt and Gavin hummed his approval. _More. Tell them to do more. Make them do things to me. Make me do things to them._ Ryan’s fist tightened in Michael’s hair and he jerked his hips up into his throat. Michael choked and sputtered. 

Gavin moaned and Ryan was desperate. He fucked up into Michael’s mouth urgently, but of course nothing could go anywhere. He whined as his orgasm danced right out of his reach. He pulled off Jeremy to grunt in frustration. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” Gavin taunted, “Ready to give up already? We’re not even out of the garage.”

“F-fuck!” Ryan growled, “F-fuck you! I’m gonna fuck your face so fucking hard you can’t chew for a fucking week!”

Three groans only served to ramp up Ryan’s desperation. 

“Okay, I think that’s enough, lads,” Gavin called cheerfully.

Jeremy ducked out of his hold and Michael pushed up and away while Ryan was distracted trying to nab Jeremy before he got away. Ryan directed his eyes to Gavin. _So he’s the head of this._ Gavin smirked at him. 

“Sadistic bastard,” Ryan snarled.

“Yup! Took you long enough to figure it out,” Gavin laughed, winking, “Love you.”

“Love you too, you little shit,” Ryan grunted.

Gavin bounced away giggling while Ryan glared at him. _Target acquired._ He shifted, putting himself back together. Now he was covered in drying spit. _Great._

His phone lit up and he opened it to find a picture of himself not five minutes prior, blushing crimson with his cock out, and lips parted. _Fucking Christ._ He locked his phone, burying his face in his hands while Michael laughed next to him. _I’m going to die. But more importantly, I’m gonna fucking lose!_

~

“You’re fucking evil,” Ryan groaned, “Th-there, I’m there! F-fuck!”

Michael pulled off his dick again and Ryan struggled to catch his breath. It’d been four hours and Michael had been sucking his dick every half hour until he got to the point of orgasm, but of course he couldn’t because of the ring. There was a planned stop ahead, meaning Jeremy would switch with him, but Ryan held no hope that Michael was done with him yet. 

“Pull over up here,” Michael instructed.

_Fuck._ Ryan pulled to the shoulder of the road and turned off the engine.

“Now what?” He grumbled, turning to look at Michael.

Michael grinned.

“Get in the back,” he directed.

Ryan unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed into the back of the van with the luggage. He sat down, looking at Michael for the next order.

“So eager,” Michael teased.

He tossed something to him which Ryan naturally caught before he realized what it was. He blushed. _Lube._ He looked back to Michael who smirked, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

“W-will you...actually d-do it?” Ryan mumbled, “I m-mean f-fuck me?”

“Oh yes, pretty boy,” Michael assured him, voice low, “I will definitely be getting off.”

Ryan swallowed, then tugged at his jeans with shaking hands. With his jeans around his knees, he reached around one thigh to finger himself while Michael watched closely. 

“Spread your feet out.”

Ryan did so, now feet spread and knees together, giving Michael a better view of the action. He raised his phone, Ryan thought to take another picture. His mouth opened again and he groaned. _He’s watching me. He’s going to show the others what a whore I am._ Ryan shuddered and moaned. _Right._ He liked it when Michael called him slutty.

“Say hi to the lads, pretty boy,” Michael teased.

Video not picture. Ryan was starring in a one person porno for the amusement of the others. His head tipped back and his hips started rocking. 

“Come on, say “hi daddy”,” Michael laughed, “I’m sure Gavin will love that.”

Ryan refocused on the phone, biting his lip, completely blushing over his entire body.

“H-hi, d-daddy,” he whimpered.

“Oh fuck,” Michael groaned, “You actually said it. Should’ve said master.”

Ryan glanced away, embarrassed.

“H-hi m-master,” he mumbled.

“Fucking hell,” Michael whispered, “Fuck yes, I like that one way more.”

Ryan was inclined to agree. 

“M-Michael,” he whined.

“Ask nicely, pretty boy,” Michael ordered.

“Michael, please, please fuck me!” Ryan groaned, “Please!”

Michael locked his phone and climbed back with him. He pressed a too quick, too chaste kiss to Ryan’s lips before flipping him over. Ryan grunted in annoyance as his face dropped against the carpet. Travel fucking wasn’t great for romance. He couldn’t face Michael unless he could fold himself like Jeremy. _Even then, it would be awkward having my boots and jeans over my head while Michael-_

“Fuck!” He shouted as Michael shoved into him, “Unh, fuck! Wh-What-? What is-is that?!”

Something was different. _Bumpy?_ His eyes were rolling back. _Fuck._

“Jere’s idea,” Michael grunted, panting, “F-for her condoms.”

“Jeremy’s a fucking genius,” Ryan groaned.

Michael pulled out and thrust back in sharply, jarring Ryan and rubbing his face against the carpet. Michael leaned over him and grabbed a handful of his hair, still in the ponytail. He yanked him up to meet him halfway and Ryan groaned, tears springing to his eyes.

“Don’t compliment other men when I’m in your ass,” Michael growled.

“Y-Yes, sir,” Ryan moaned.

Michael sharply thrust again.

“Whose slut are you?” He demanded.

“Y-yours, I’m yours!” Ryan cried, “I’m your slut! I’m yours!”

“Damn right,” Michael sneered.

He sank his teeth into Ryan’s neck, causing him to cry out and push backwards. Michael was jostled, wobbling and he made a feral noise against Ryan’s skin. 

“You wanna play this game?” He taunted, “I guarantee I win.”

Ryan’s competitive streak flared up and he shoved back again with a growl of his own. Michael shoved his face back down to the carpet and thrust so hard Ryan could feel the carpet burn on his face. He groaned and thrust back, meeting Michael halfway. They slammed together so hard Ryan saw stars. 

He moaned out some word, that he didn’t even register but apparently pissed Michael off as he smacked his ass and started up a brutal pace. Ryan met him halfway, his eyes rolling back and words tumbling out of his mouth that he couldn’t hear. 

“F-fuck, Ry!” Michael shouted, gasping, “Fuck you’re s-so fuckin filthy r-right now! F-fuck, _fuck!”_

His hips stuttered to a stop with a groan and Ryan whimpered. He became aware he was crying and drooling onto the carpet and he whimpered again.

“Jesus, Ry, are you okay?” Michael questioned, pulling away.

“D-Don’t leave me!” Ryan sobbed.

“I’m not, I’m not!” Michael assured him, “I’m right here, baby, I’ve got you.”

He gently guided Ryan to his side and cleaned up, helping him pull his clothes back up and wiping off his wet face. Ryan shivered and cried and clung to Michael’s shirt while he held him close to his chest and gently brushed his hand through his hair. 

At some point, they must’ve fallen asleep because they were woken up by Michael’s phone going off. He scrambled for it, having to sit up to get it from the front seat. Ryan sat up, groggily rubbing his eyes and wincing at his sore ass. _Fuck._

“Where the hell are you guys?!” Geoff’s voice screeched so loud through Michael’s phone Ryan could hear it.

“Will you pipe down?!” Michael fires back, “Took a wrong turn, asshole! We thought we could catch up before you worried. Quit bitching!”

“You are a liar, Jones!” Geoff snapped, “Your phone has been in the same location for thirty minutes!”

Ryan covered his mouth, trying to stifle laughter as Michael tried to keep a straight face.

“Well, I didn’t say the turn was in the road,” he pointed out. 

He held the phone away from his ear as Geoff shrieked at him and Ryan laughed. He turned it on speaker as they climbed back into their seats, laughing. As Ryan fixed his hair and Michael found a subtle place to put the used condom, Geoff told them to get to the stop before he went back and kicked their asses.

“Please don’t,” Ryan grunted, “Mine’s sore enough as it is.”

Which sent Geoff into another fit of hysterics that they laughed at as Ryan pulled back onto the road. They weren’t all that far behind, only about fifteen minutes. About halfway Geoff finally gave up on his scolding and just ended the call.

“Hey, Ry, you okay?” Michael asked, once the van had returned to a state of calm.

“Yeah, I’m good,” he assured him, “Though my ass really _is_ fucking sore.”

He threw a not serious glare at Michael who flipped him off.

“That’s your fault, fuckhead,” he grumbled, “I warned you. Also my whole pelvis hurts like hell, so fuck you.”

“That’s what you get for challenging the Vagabond,” Ryan snorted, “I _always_ win.”

Suddenly the sound of his recorded voice played from Michael’s phone.

_“Michael, please, please fuck me!”_

Ryan went red and immediately snapped his hand out to snatch the phone, which Michael easily held out of reach, laughing loudly.

“Fucking lads,” Ryan grumbled under his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heard u like lads and bottom Ryan. *quietly slides this chapter to you*
> 
> Anyway, @me at @1stworldmutant for depressing shit.


	20. Chapter 20

Ryan was firmly put into a seat and a tray of food was pushed in front of him. Michael brushed a hand over his hair and kissed his cheek before pushing the tray pointedly closer to him.

“Eat,” He ordered, “You’re gonna pass out if you’re not careful.”

Ryan smiled softly at him.

“I love you too,” he teased.

Michael went red and Ryan’s eyes widened.

“I-I mean, I-I d-didn’t-“ He floundered.

“No, I j-just, I m-mean-“ Michael sputtered back.

He interrupted himself, standing up straight and clearing his throat. 

“Can we talk about this later?” He muttered, “I’ve been summoned to a powwow.”

He pointed across the place where Jeremy and Gavin were. Ryan nodded, a bit pink and focused on the food he’d been given. Michael patted his head gently before heading over to the other lads. Ryan did his best to not look over at them, but he found himself nearly openly staring. He still liked seeing them near each other. It made his heart beat faster every time one of them got close to one of the others.

Michael was talking urgently to the others, looking worried. Jeremy looked frustrated and made an annoyed gesture to his face as he snapped something at Michael. Michael snapped back and they looked about to fight when Gavin finally spoke up. He put a hand on each of their shoulders. Ryan was looking at him straight on, meaning he could actually read his lips.

_Jeremy you‘re getting over protective again, relax. You know Michael wouldn’t seriously hurt him._

Jeremy sighed, deflating a bit, rubbing his head as he said something. Ryan thought it was something about being sorry. Michael’s anger fizzled out too, dropping back to worry as he said something. Gavin spoke again.

_Do you think it’s too much?_

Michael’s head dropped into his hands as he answered, looking defeated. Ryan’s heart twisted. He wanted to go comfort him, but this was clearly a conversation about him. 

The three of them looked over at him, all looking worried and he narrowed his eyes at them. What were they saying about him? He looked at the food. They were worried about if he could keep up with them. He looked down at his hands. _Of course I can’t. The closest to my age is Michael and he’s 7 years younger. God, I don’t even want to think about Jeremy’s 11 years. So youthful._

He cleared his throat, glancing over at the man in question. _Youthful._ His eyes traveled down Jeremy’s body. _Bouncy, conforming, moldable, flexible, warm, tight, moving towards me. Oops._ He put his arm around Jeremy’s waist and pulled him onto his lap as he drew up in front of him. Jeremy grinned and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Ryan nosed against his ear.

“Tell me what you want for Christmas, little boy,” he breathed.

Jeremy laughed, his face going pink.

“I’ll tell you after you eat,” he promised, winking.

Ryan whined, but returned focus to the food, this time a bit more enthusiastic about finishing it. Michael and Gavin joined them eventually and there was a few minutes of silence before Gavin nervously cleared his throat. Ryan looked at him with a raised eyebrow while Jeremy went to steal a fry. Ryan smacked his hand, not looking away from Gavin who was blushing.

“S-so...Ry...” He mumbled, “We, erm, j-just wanna make s-sure you’re...okay.”

He was tugging at the bottom of his shirt, struggling to look at him.

“Well, I have a palette cleanser,” Ryan answered, smacking said palette cleanser’s hand as it went for another fry, “If it’s subbing you’re worried about.”

Jeremy whined and pouted at getting caught again. 

“Palette cleanser?” Gavin prompted.

Jeremy’s far hand crept towards Ryan’s fries and Ryan grabbed it, then the other.

“Yes, this little shit,” Ryan grunted.

He folded Jeremy’s arms against the lad’s stomach.

“He couldn’t dom to save his life,” he continued.

He gripped both wrists in one hand.

“So he’s a palette cleanser,” he finished.

“Does that mean you’re gonna eat me, Ry?” Jeremy teased, bumping his shoulder into Ryan’s chest.

“Not if you keep being a bad boy,” Ryan hissed, “These are _my_ fries.”

“Hmph, you need to learn to share,” Jeremy grumbled.

“I’ll share _you,”_ Ryan offered, “But not my food.”

“Rude!” Jeremy huffed, “I’m gonna ride with Michael if you keep it up.”

Ryan’s heart stuttered in his chest and Jeremy glanced at him with his eyebrows raised, no doubt wondering why _that_ caused a pulse in Ryan’s pants.

“Who says _I_ want you?” Michael scoffed.

“You guys are all being meanies,” Jeremy grumbled.

“Meanies? What’re you in middle school?” Michael snorted.

“He’s just being a brat,” Ryan muttered, reaching up to flick his nose, “Provoking me. Behave, brat.”

“Ry, you’ve...had a lot of partners, haven’t you?” Gavin suddenly asked.

Ryan went a bit pink.

“Yes, I have,” he confirmed.

_Please don’t ask the number. Please don’t ask the number. Please don’t ask the number._

“Well, no shit he has,” Michael scoffed, “How the fuck else would he be like that if not practice?”

Three pairs of eyes looked at him and he shifted under the attention. _Hungry._ He shuddered.

“Vagabond, I don’t think you thought this through,” Geoff grunted, suddenly behind him.

“Ryan.”

Three pairs of eyebrows lifted.

“Well, _Ryan,_ you’re fucked,” Geoff muttered, “It was nice knowing you.”

“At least I’ll die doing what I love,” Ryan deadpanned.

He squeezed Jeremy closer who burst out laughing, followed by everyone else. 

“Alright, come on, idiots,” Jack piped up, shoving his laughter down, “Christmas waits for no man.”

Ryan smiled brightly. _Christmas._ He was actually getting sort of excited about his first real Christmas. Especially since getting the presents. He was excited about their reactions.

“Ry, don’t bounce me!” Jeremy grumbled.

Ryan stopped his bouncing leg with a muttered apology. _Fuck, that’s worse than ruffling his hair. I gotta quit being such a condescending asshole._ He moved him off his lap and got up to get back to the van. Geoff grabbed his bicep as he started past him. Ryan turned his head slowly to look down at the man, giving him a cold glare. Geoff released him, putting his hand up in surrender.

“Sorry, my bad,” he apologized, holding something up, “Just wanted you to take this.”

_Milkshake._ Ryan blushed and took the drink.

“Th-Thanks,” he muttered.

Geoff grinned and winked. Ryan was tomato red as he made a quick exit, dragging Jeremy by the hand. He opened the passenger door for him, drinking from the milkshake. 

“What’s with that?” Jeremy questioned as he buckled his seatbelt.

“Um, it’s for...stamina,” Ryan muttered.

He closed the door as Jeremy grinned at him, clearly amused by the fact King Geoff Ramsey was helping the Vagabond with sex stamina. He moved around to the driver’s side as Geoff and Jack rolled by. Jack gave an exaggerated wink and Geoff put his arm out the window to make a jerk off motion. He stepped up to the passenger window and bent down to look in Geoff’s eyes as he took another drink of the milkshake.

“Careful, Ramsey,” he warned, leaning his arm against the car, “Or you’ll be next.”

He winked as he took another drink. Jack laughed loudly as Geoff went red. Ryan laughed as he pushed off the car to get into the van finally. They certainly spent enough time worrying about Ryan’s safety in his opinion. Though he supposed he was biased on that subject. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Help me live to fight another day by checking my Twitter @1stworldmutant to find out how to give me $$$$.


	21. Chapter 21

Ryan watched Michael and Gavin pass by before Jeremy spoke up.

“So...the other lads told me to make sure you’re okay,” He explained, “Michael was really worried.”

Ryan’s eyebrows raised as he pulled out of the parking lot. 

“I guess they think you’ll tell me,” Jeremy offered, shrugging, “Even if you wont tell them. ‘Cause I’m so much less intimidating.”

Ryan chuckled as Jeremy rolled his eyes. 

“I’m fine, really,” he assured him, “Why was Michael so worried about it?”

“He said he got really aggressive,” Jeremy answered, “You guys were fighting, I guess? Anyway, you said you were winning and he apparently, wait-“

He pulled his phone out and opened his messages.

“He “gave him a handprint and wrecked his tight little asshole”,” he read.

His nose wrinkled and he put his phone away while Ryan tried not to choke on milkshake.  _Fucking Christ._ As if he needed a reminder of how sore his ass was. He did his best to regain dignity, but that had long since evaporated, so he settled for just not choking on his stamina shake.

“A-Anyway, I-I’m fine,” He muttered, “I zoned out a bit and got a bit...uh, sub-spacey. But it was really...good and...I felt...used up. Like...”

“Like he was done with you?” Jeremy guessed, “Like a used up tissue, he was gonna toss you away because he was finished?”

Ryan glanced at him, worry clenching his heart. 

“Did...I make you feel that way?” He mumbled.

“No, no!” Jeremy hurriedly assured him, “N-not exactly. It’s more I just...have that anxiety, you know? Like I’m sure you wouldn’t say Michael made you feel like that.”

“Yeah, I guess you got a point,” Ryan muttered, “But I won’t be done with you until I can’t move any more. Your comfort cocoa is too good.”

Jeremy snorted in sudden laughter and Ryan grinned at him. Jeremy’s laughter was always the sweetest, like iced tea on a hot day.

“Oh, by the way,” Jeremy interrupted his laughter, “You wanna tell me why you popped such a massive boner in there?”

Ryan went red as he cleared his throat and suddenly decided he should be focusing on driving. Jeremy crossed his arms and waited.

_“You_ were supposed to tell me what you wanted for Christmas,” Ryan pointed out, “What’s your prize for winning the game?”

_Artful dodge, Haywood. Absolutely fucking nailed it._

“If I win, I want you to tie me up!” Jeremy answered excitedly, “I really wanna feel rope on my skin and be all trussed up for you to use. There’s these really pretty knots too! They go over the chest like this!”

He started running his fingers over himself, showing Ryan where the rope would go. Ryan was really struggling to keep his eyes on the road. _Fucking shameless._ Great, he had two and a half hours with the baby of the lads who would no doubt continue chattering about how he wanted Ryan to hold him down and fuck the life out of him. 

“Anyway, it only matters if I win,” Jeremy eventually dismissed, “So tell me what got you so hot back there!”

_Damnit._ He was hoping he’d forget. Jeremy was looking at him, waiting and Ryan cleared his throat. They were going to find out eventually anyway...and he _wanted_ to tell them. He was just so fucking embarrassed and still not used to communicating properly. Jeremy shifted, leaning closer to him, squinting at him. _Uh-oh. That’s his “I’m piecing it together” face._

“You came in your pants when Michael said we’d all be in your bedroom,” he recalled.

Ryan tried to pretend he wasn’t utterly embarrassed by the recalling of that incident. 

“Gavin said you agreed to a threesome immediately,” Jeremy continued.

_Great. Detective Dooley’s on the case. Fuck my life._

“And you got hard when I said I’d ride with Michael,” He finished, “Ry...do you...want to watch us fuck each other?”

“Yes! Jesus fucking Christ, _yes!”_ Ryan blurted, relief flooding his system, “Ever since you joined up! You’re always t-touching and rubbing all over each other! I’ve pictured you three fucking so many times! And then I fucked y-you and you were different, you an-and Gavin. I just keep thinking about putting you between Gavin and Michael and w-watching them fuck you while your body begs for more and you cry and-and fucking writhe. 

“You said you’d ride _with_ him and I immediately thought of you riding him. Your f-filthy mouths would run nonstop as he called you a pretty s-slut and you begged him to hurt you. You could bounce on his cock so f-fucking long, you’re so energetic and flexible and he’d leave handprints and bite m-marks all over you.”

He gasped, swaying a bit. _Jesus._ That was the most he’d talked in years. _So many fucking years._

“F-fuck, Ry, that’s fucking hot,” Jeremy groaned.

Ryan jumped a bit, so far into his own arousal he’d forgotten Jeremy was there. Jeremy was there. _And touching himself._ Ryan swallowed, his cock pulsing. He hissed. It was starting to get painful. 

“Y-you think I c-could suck Gavin off?” Jeremy moaned breathlessly, his hand rubbing up his cock, “His dick is so w-wide. I-I dunno if I c-can do it.”

“I can teach you,” Ryan panted, “I wanna teach you. I wanna whisper in-in your ear while Gavin fucks your f-face. While you fucking ch-choke on his cock. I wanna watch him fucking tw-twisting up while you blow him.”

“F-fuck, Ry,” Jeremy moaned, “Well, p-practice makes per-perfect.”

Then he was on Ryan’s dick while Ryan babbled out every conceivable combination of the lads fucking he could think of. He hissed out tips, teaching Jeremy between fantasies. Jeremy took a break at twenty-five minutes and Ryan was amazed he didn’t look nearly as exhausted as he felt. _Youth._ Ryan wished he could keep up. 

“Might’ve overdone it,” Jeremy croaked, “My throat is mega sore.”

“Water,” Ryan rasped, pointing out the cooler, “Tea. Gatorade. No soda.”

“Bossy,” Jeremy grumbled.

But he reached back and pulled out two bottles of water, unscrewing the cap of one of them for Ryan. Ryan was surprised he bothered, but grateful. He was right, they over did it. 

“Take a nap,” he ordered.

“Okay, but it’s ‘cause I want to,” Jeremy grunted, “Not ‘cause you told me to.”

“Brat,” Ryan teased fondly.

Jeremy gave him a nonverbal, one-finger response and Ryan just smiled. Hopefully he’d sleep the next two hours so Ryan’s boner could stop fucking throbbing. He was sore, tired, throbbing, and absolutely filled to near-bursting with affection for the lads, even if they were trying to sex-torture him to death. Truly this is what he did all that working out for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy understands Ryan the best, @me if you wanna fight about it.  
> @1stworldmutant


	22. Chapter 22

Jeremy did not sleep the next two hours. He slept about half an hour and woke up just as Ryan’s boner finally started to flag. Like he had boner sense and could smell Ryan was losing his. _Alright, Haywood, now you’re just being paranoid._ Jeremy got one of Ryan’s teas from the cooler and squinted at it. 

“Peach iced tea,” He read, raising his eyebrows at Ryan.

“I’m from Georgia, what do you want from me?” Ryan grumbled.

“You’re from Georgia?!” Jeremy demanded.

Ryan glanced at him.

“You...guys didn’t know?” He muttered.

“Ry, how the _hell_ would we know that?” Jeremy pointed out.

“I...guess you wouldn’t,” he muttered.

Ryan sighed heavily. He felt like a familiar stranger. Like he knew them, like they knew him, but everything was still unknown. He missed Ray. Ray felt familiar quickly. He was pretty unnerved by it at first, really. Ray was just there, somehow communicating with Ryan even without needing Ryan to input the correct verbal words or sign language. So it had still been taking a bit to get used to it, but he was getting there. He hoped he’d get there with the other lads too.

Ryan jolted when he felt Jeremy tugging open his pants. The half boner was back to full boner suddenly. He groaned. He wanted to get off already. _I’m gonna rip this damn thing off and fuck the nearest hole._ Jeremy was making a sound case for one of his being chosen as he jerked him off. _Damn._ That was the one thing Jeremy didn’t need to be taught. Ryan groaned, fists squeezing the steering wheel.

“Who were you thinking about?” Jeremy muttered.

Ryan glanced at him, but he was focusing on jerking Ryan off.

“How did you know I was thinking about someone?” Ryan grunted

“I didn’t,” Jeremy answered, looking up at him with a mischievous grin.

“Bad little boy,” Ryan growled.

Jeremy flushed red.

“‘M not little!” He protested, “You’re just a giant freak.”

Ryan smirked. _He’s trying to provoke me._

“Still makes you small,” Ryan insisted.

“N-no!” Jeremy argued.

“Scathing comeback from _Little_ J,” Ryan snorted.

Jeremy’s free hand was trying to very subtly rub his cock through his jeans. Ryan pretended not to see it.

“No, I-I’m just...a little sh-short,” Jeremy grumbled, “Y-you’re wrong.”

_Does he want me to call him little?_

“Nope, you’re a compact little fucktoy,” Ryan teased.

Jeremy’s body language was opening up quickly and his hand was grinding more purposefully against his crotch. _Bingo._

“I’m n-not,” Jeremy grunted breathlessly.

“You _are,”_ Ryan growled at him, “You’re tiny. Easy to move.”

“N-no!” Jeremy gasped.

Ryan pulled the van over and yanked Jeremy into his lap.

“See? You fit perfectly on my lap,” Ryan argued, _“Small.”_

Jeremy bit his lip, shaking his head as he gripped at Ryan’s shirt. Ryan opened his pants and pulled his cock out. He nosed up to his ear and bit it as he rubbed up his shaft.

“This is the only big boy part of you,” he whispered hotly in his ear.

Jeremy groaned and flexed in his grip, arching into his hand. 

“The rest of you is little,” Ryan continued, “You’re a little-“

“Doll!” Jeremy cried, his body rolling against Ryan.

_Fuck._ Ryan bit at his neck.

“Yes, my pretty little doll,” He groaned.

He wrapped his free arm around his waist to hold him in place. _Squirmy little shit._

“You like being my little plaything, Jeremy?” He breathed in his ear, “You like me d-doing whatever I want with you? You want me to dress you up, tie you in place, and fuck you only for my p-pleasure? You want me to pose you between the other lads? Want m-me to make them fuck you? Wanna b-be used, pretty little doll?”

“Y-Yes,” Jeremy whispered, uncharacteristically quiet.

That worried Ryan a bit.

“You still with me, Jeremy?” Ryan questioned quietly.

“Yes, Ryan,” Jeremy moaned, “Dolls don’t talk.”

Ryan chuckled against his skin.

“Some can,” he corrected, his hand tightening on Jeremy’s cock, “Some can even sing.”

He ran his other hand to Jeremy’s back and down his spine, pushing under Jeremy’s underwear. Jeremy pushed back and moaned as he groped his ass, silently begging Ryan to finger him. He bit a mark on Jeremy’s throat as he rubbed his middle finger over his asshole. Jeremy shuddered and his hips jolted up into Ryan’s hand. Ryan was again amazed by his flexibility, his ability to fold himself into such a tight space. And amazed by his beautifully red face, lips parted and eyes squeezed closed.

“All they need to speak,” Ryan whispered, “Is to have their string pulled.”

He pushed his finger inside Jeremy who jerked and let out a long, high-pitch moan as he came in an arc so impressive it landed partly on Ryan’s face.

“Ah, _fuck!”_ Ryan shouted, letting go of his cock to swipe jizz out of his eye, “Fucking fuck! Jesus fucking Christ, Jeremy!”

Jeremy mumbled something that definitely wasn’t a word and slumped against him. Ryan pulled his hand from his ass and fumbled around between the seats for wet wipes. Not that they were going to do a lot of good considering Jeremy’s jizz was mostly on their shirts. He quickly wiped Jeremy’s cock and tucked him back in his pants. Maybe they could get away with only a shirt change. Before wiping the small amount of jizz off his face, he took a picture for proof it actually fucking happened.

“Jesus, your shooting is impressive, kid,” he muttered as he wiped his face.

“I...been practicing...” Jeremy mumbled quietly, “I wanna...shoot like...Ray.”

_Like Ray?!_ Ryan almost shrieked. _Oh, no, no, Jeremy must have thought I meant **actual** shooting. _Ryan looked at him with a worried frown. _Is he **that** out of it?_ He put his arms around him, hugging him closely. _He must be exhausted. I mean, who wouldn’t be after shooting like that out of their dick?!_ Ryan’s eye burned, but damn he thought it was worth it. Especially since Jeremy’s normally coiled-up body was utterly relaxed against him. He smiled, kissing his forehead. 

Ryan tried to take a nap as well, sending the picture to the lads as an explanation for falling behind. They rested for twenty minutes, giving Ryan enough time to catch his breath. They still had an hour’s drive, but Jeremy was admitting his defeat, insisting on going back to sleep for the next part of the ride. Only after excitedly saving Ryan’s picture onto his phone, though.

The scheduled stop was another fast food place, but Ryan and Jeremy walked around the parking lot a bit, stretching out their stiff legs before going inside. Upon entering, the other two-thirds of AH cheered and whistled. They flipped them off as they got in line. Ryan put his arms around Jeremy and rested his chin on Jeremy’s head.

“You never said who you were thinking about,” Jeremy spoke up tiredly.

“Ray,” Ryan admitted, “I never thought I’d actually miss someone so much.”

“Ry?”

“Yes, darlin’?” Ryan hummed.

“A-are you and Ray, um, like-“

“No,” Ryan interrupted firmly, “We’re just friends. Ray is ace.”

“Oh, okay,” Jeremy muttered, “I just...guess I’m jealous. You seem like...you really care about him.”

“I do,” Ryan confirmed, “He’s my...friend.” 

That didn’t seem strong enough.

“He’s my **best** friend,” he corrected himself, smiling, “I’m not sure I’ve ever had one before.”

They were next up and Ryan pulled away so they could order, but kept his arm around Jeremy’s waist. Something about this place was unnerving him and he felt suddenly very protective. As they stood to the side, Ryan realized what it was: people were openly glaring at them. Ryan recalled what state they were in and snorted. _Fucking Mormons._ They were welcome to talk shit, considering Fake AH would relish a reason to beat the piss out of some bigots.

“They’re jealous we’re such a power couple,” Jeremy joked.

Ryan laughed, relaxing a bit, but kept Jeremy pressed firmly to his side until they sat with the others. 

“Thank god we’re almost there,” Jack grumbled, “I can’t wait to go straight to sleep.”

Ryan hummed his agreement. The last leg of the commute was only an hour and a half. However, based on the look of ravenous focus on Gavin’s face, it was going to be the worst yet. Gavin was certainly the most evil, scheming of the three. It really didn’t surprise him that he was the ringleader in Ryan’s torture. After eating and making sure Jeremy ate too, the group was about to hit the road again. Ryan went to hit the bathroom and this is where Gavin cornered him.

He pushed him into the bigger of two stalls and locked it behind them. He crowded him up against the wall and Ryan flushed as he looked down at him. Gavin was smirking, looking like a predator about to play with their meal. Ryan was still hard, but he pulsed in his jeans, hips twitching. _Play with me._

“Well show me that you’ve been a good boy,” Gavin ordered.

Ryan’s burning face went redder and he opened hisjeans, pushing them down enough for Gavin to see the ring.

“Aww,” Gavin cooed, “How cute.”

Ryan’s mouth dropped open and he panted. _He’s calling my cock cute. Fuck._

“Well, let it out,” Gavin instructed, “It looks awfully painful in there.”

Ryan shoved his pants down a bit and pulled his cock free, sighing.

“There, now that’s better isn’t it?” Gavin teased, grinning, “What do you say?”

“Th-Thank you, s-sir,” Ryan muttered, staring at the floor in embarrassment.

Gavin’s hand laid over his throat and he shuddered, looking into his eyes.

“You call me something else now, little boy,” Gavin growled.

Ryan’s knees nearly gave out.

“Th-Thank you, m-master,” he whispered.

Gavin grinned, smug and pleased.

“Good boy,” he praised, “Now I have another gift for you.”

Ryan swallowed under his hand before he retracted it. Another small box, a bit bigger than the last, was produced from Gavin’s jacket. Ryan took it as it was offered and opened it. His whole body flushed.

“You think you can do it, baby?” Gavin prompted, “We don’t have to, if it’s too much.”

“W-will you...” Ryan mumbled, “P-Put it in f-for me?”

Gavin grinned, wide and delighted. He took the box back and twirled his finger in the air. Ryan turned around and bent over a bit before pushing his pants to his knees. 

“Aww, come on,” Gavin coaxed, “You can present for me better than that.”

Ryan threw him an annoyed look as he backed up enough to let Ryan bend over fully. Ryan let his pants drop to the floor and pressed his palms against the tile wall as he bent. Gavin trailed his fingers down his spine, causing his lower back to dip and his ass to push out. He squeezed his ass over the bruise handprint and Ryan hissed. 

His cock throbbed between his legs and his knees went together. He’d had at least half a boner all day and he wanted to get off now. He especially wanted to get fucked, wanted nothing but cock. 

Gavin’s knee shoved between his thighs, forcing them open again. Ryan groaned, panting as his thighs trembled. _I’m going to lose. And possibly get fucked in a bathroom. Not ten feet away from a Mormon, no doubt._ The plug went in easier than he expected. Gavin smoothed his hands over his hips and kissed his shoulder.

“I’ll drive, you take a nap, okay?” He suggested.

“Okay,” Ryan agreed as Gavin pulled his pants back up.

_Thank fucking Christ._ He was tired. He could use a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s almost Christmas, guys and it’ll no doubt be completely fluff with no angst whatsoever. :D
> 
> @1stworldmutant to yell at me about your feels.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: humiliation/degradation kink, cuckolding

Ryan woke up to Gavin shaking his shoulder. He grumbled, cracking his eyelids open. Gavin grinned at him.

“It’s time, baby,” He informed him, winking.

Ryan sat up straight quickly, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. 

“So eager,” Gavin teased, “Back in the back, baby.”

He kissed him lightly and Ryan climbed in the back after he pulled away. Gavin was smirking at him from the front, taking his phone out and pointing it at him. Ryan sat down, blushing and waited for the next order. 

“Get your clothes off,” Gavin ordered.

Ryan was quick to obey, eager to get to the fucking. He sat on his knees, waiting, body flushed with arousal and embarrassment at how hard his dick was. His mouth was watering. Gavin’s dick was the best to blow. _Wide._ Gavin was watching him squirm, smug amusement clear on his face. _Play with me before you eat me, master._ Ryan shuddered, feeling himself returning to a state of mind he hadn’t been in for a long, long time: total submission.

“Hands and knees,” Gavin instructed.

Ryan put his palms flat on the floor and scooted his knees back a bit. He kept his burning face pointed down. He felt Gavin’s eyes on him, appraising him like he was a dog at a show. His body trembled with the desire to appeal to him. He wanted to eat out of his hand, wanted to bow before him, wanted to be ordered. He wanted to _submit._

“Look at the camera, baby,” Gavin called out, “And tell the other lads who owns you.”

Ryan bit his lip and looked up, embarrassed even as electricity zapped through him.

“My m-master is G-Gavin,” he mumbled.

Gavin grinned at him, pleased with his response. He put his phone away and climbed back with him. He leaned down to kiss him deeply, his mouth controlling the kiss. Ryan could feel his mind backing down into a submissive role, more so than he’d been with any of the lads before. Gavin was holding him in the palm of his hand and Ryan’s heart pounded. 

It was the first time in years he’d felt safe enough to place himself so fully under someone. Maybe even the first time he’d _ever_ trusted someone so completely. Gavin pulled away and trailed his hand down his back as he moved behind him.

“You look so good like this,” He whispered, “So delectable.”

_Eat me up, master._ Gavin smacked his ass and squeezed tightly. He whimpered, his ass rocking. Suddenly he wanted to be filled on both ends, wanted a crowd around him, fucking him again and again and again. His hips jerked and he groaned. He hadn’t done that in some time either. It was a fetish for a younger Ryan who could take fifteen cocks before he started to break a sweat. Gavin tugged lightly at the plug and Ryan choked a bit in surprise. He’d zoned out a bit, forgetting what was happening.

“Ryan?” Gavin called, “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yes,” Ryan croaked, “I just want to be a whore again.”

His head dropped. _Why the hell did I just say that?!_

“You were a whore?” Gavin pressed, “Like an actual hooker?”

Ryan squeezed his eyes closed.

“Yes...and also just in g-general,” He admitted, “I had a lot of... encounters.”

“How many?” Gavin questioned, moving the plug in and out.

“I lost count sometime after a hundred,” Ryan muttered, panting, “That’s when I got the C.”

“The C?” Gavin prompted.

Ryan spread his thighs and reached around, pulling the skin of his left thigh back and aside to show Gavin the tattoo hidden there. It took a moment to do so, especially difficult because Gavin was still fucking him with the plug.

“Jesus,” Gavin muttered, “That’s quite an intimate place for a tattoo.”

He traced the C with one finger and Ryan shuddered.

“Tattoo artist was 101,” he grunted.

“So C for cock?” Gavin mused, chuckling a bit.

“C for Roman numeral 100,” Ryan answered, _“And_ cock. Double meaning.”

He let go of his thigh and cleared his throat. 

“I...haven’t shown...y-you’re the first,” he mumbled.

“Like ever?” Gavin questioned, breathlessly.

He suddenly pressed the plug hard into his ass, causing his breathing to hitch.

“O-other than the ar-artist, yes,” Ryan confirmed, swallowing nervously. 

“I’m going to fuck you,” Gavin groaned, twirling the plug in a circle, “Would you like that, baby?”

“Y-Yes, pl-ease, m-master,” Ryan whimpered, his legs trembling as he tried to spread them wider.

“Such a good boy,” Gavin moaned, voice rough, “Big scary Vagabond bending over for me. How do you think Los Santos would react if they saw you now? Brought low by the scrawny con artist. Think they’d still fear you?”

Ryan moaned, back dipping further. _Submit submit submit._

“Come on, baby,” Gavin growled, _“Answer._ You think they’d be still scared if they saw how messy you are right now?”

“N-no, master,” Ryan mumbled.

He felt small, weak, vulnerable. At Gavin’s mercy. _Submit submit submit._ He was letting go, settling into a state that was familiar, yet distant. _Please devour me, master._ He huffed, reaching between his legs to touch himself.

“I knew it,” Gavin taunted, “Vagabond likes being a little bitch.”

Ryan shuddered as he rubbed himself, wanting some, _any_ type relief. Gavin was pulling out the plug and he squeezed his hip.

“Are you sure, Ryan?” He asked, quiet but firm.

Ryan looked at him over his shoulder and nodded. He was safe. He was protected. He could shrink down inside himself and Gavin would take care of him. Gavin smiled softly, but still hesitated.

“Listen, don’t...take what I say too seriously, okay?” He muttered.

“Okay.”

Gavin sighed and started undoing his pants, Ryan could tell his hands were shaking. Ryan dropped his hand from his cock to brace himself and Gavin tore open a condom with his teeth. Ryan shuddered at the sight. He rolled it on and lubed himself up, taking more time than he needed. _Stalling._ He rubbed the back of one of his hands over his sweaty forehead.

“You...need a safe word,” he muttered, not looking at him.

Ryan frowned. _Interesting._

“Uranium,” He offered, despite his wonder if he really needed one.

Gavin smiled at him again and then lined up, pushing the head of his cock up against Ryan’s loosened asshole. Ryan bit his lip, a whiny moan hissing past his lips as Gavin’s thick cock pushed in slowly. His thighs and arms trembled, the fullness sending sparks through him. 

A tiny bit of a burn, but mostly just fullness. He moaned, struggling to keep himself from pushing back. He wanted to ride him. Wanted gravity to force him to bear down on his cock. He panted as Gavin pushed fully inside, his hips pressed up to his ass. _So. Fucking. Full._ Ryan felt the world fade a moment, he was dizzy. Intoxicated. And _small._

“Are you ready, baby?” Gavin panted.

“Please fuck me, master,” Ryan whispered, heat pulsing through him, “I need you. I need my master to fuck me like the little bitch I am.”

He felt like he’d reverted to his twenties. Reverted to being so completely submissive. Gavin moaned and rocked back and forth. 

“F-fuck,” He grunted, “This is way better than your mouth. Ah, god, you’re so warm.”

His hands smoothed over Ryan’s hips and up his sides. Then he abruptly shoved into him and gripped the back his neck, forcing him down, face rubbing the carpet again. He picked up his pace, fucking him steadily as he moaned.

“D-Damn, my little bitch is so tight,” He groaned, “You like h-how much I fill you up, bitch?”

He slapped his ass with his free hand and Ryan cried out.

“Yes, master, you feel so good!” He sobbed, “I’m so full of your huge cock! I wanna stay here forever!”

The words were coming naturally as they always had, even years later.

“Sp-spread your legs wider,” Gavin growled.

Ryan shifted, dropping his ass a few inches. Gavin hooked an arm around his middle and started fucking him with strength Ryan didn’t know he had. 

“Fuck yes, such a t-tight little hole you are,” Gavin groaned, “Such a pretty fl-fleshlight.”

Ryan’s hands clawed at the carpet as he moaned. 

“God, look at you, messy little whore,” Gavin grunted, breathlessly, “All fucked up, writhing like a twisted little fr-freak. What do you think Lil J would think? Think he’d still want you in his asshole if he knew what a l-little bitch you are? If he knew how bad you fucking want it? If he knew what a whore y-you are?”

Ryan sobbed in frustration, his cock hard and heavy where it bounced between his legs. He couldn’t get off with the ring still holding him back.

“Don’t you want to take that off?” Gavin taunted, apparently reading his mind, “D-don’t you want to cum while I use you? I promise if-if I win, I’ll fuck you real good again. I’ll put Jeremy at your mouth, then he can see how sloppy y-you are while you choke on his cock. Maybe I should show him now, huh? I could take another v-video of you, send it to him. Then he’ll see you’re a little bitch that can’t fuck him properly. Shall I show him what f-fucking a real man is like?”

Ryan’s body jolted and twisted as he groaned.

“Yeah, he told me about that,” Gavin growled, “Little cuck, are-aren’t you?”

Ryan whined, unable to produce the right string of words to deny it. Gavin smacked his ass again.

“No lying, whore!” He snarled, “You’re a l-little cuck bitch. Say it!”

_ Smack! _

Ryan jolted.

“N-no!” He whimpered.

_ Smack! _

“Admit you’re a s-sick little pervert,” Gavin ordered, “Twisted fucking cuck who c-can’t fuck properly. Say it!”

_ Smack! _

Ryan groaned.

“Say you’re a cuck bitch!” Gavin barked.

_ Smack! _

“I-I’m a c-cuck b-bitch!” Ryan choked, voice thick with tears.

“Yes, you are,” Gavin sneered, “You want to j-jerk off that tiny little tool while you watch me use a p-proper one, don’t you?”

He leaned over him, sinking his teeth in his neck so hard he broke skin. Ryan shouted in pain as Gavin jerked sharp and quick in him. _Fuck, fuck!_ He shuddered as he felt something on his dick. 

“Wha?” He mumbled.

As Gavin pulsed inside him, the tightness stopping him from cumming released.

“Gavin!” He screamed as he came.

“I’ve got you, baby,” Gavin muttered, “I’ve got you.”

Ryan cried quietly as Gavin moved him around, cleaning him up and tipping him on his side. He got his boxers and his shirt back on him then found his jacket to lay over him. He barely got an inch away from him the whole time, whispering reassurances and rubbing a soothing hand over him. When he was finished, he pressed up behind him, holding him tightly against his chest. Ryan squeezed his hand. He felt...safe. His heart was overflowing. 

“I love you,” He whispered.

“I love you too, Ryan,” Gavin answered, kissing his neck, “You... are the first person that didn’t use the safe word.”

Ryan blinked, glancing back at him.

“Wait, the first _ever?”_ He pressed.

Gavin smiled sadly.

“I get pretty intense,” he muttered, “And very insulting.”

“But...you wouldn’t really hurt me,” Ryan mumbled tiredly, “I mean...I’m safe to let go with you.”

Gavin squeezed him closer.

“That means so much to me,” he whispered.

“Me...too...” Ryan answered, as he started to drift, “First...ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gavin has pent up aggression and Ryan likes to be humiliated and hurt. They’re a tornado of angst, love, and that good dick.
> 
> @1stworldmutant because I asked you to.


	24. Chapter 24

After a nap of unknown length, Ryan woke up to Gavin wiggling around. _Hyperactive little shit._ Ryan turned and shoved his head into his chest, pinning him.

“Stop squirming,” He grumbled, “I’m an old man. I need more sleep.”

“You are _not_ an old man,” Gavin argued, trying to wiggle away.

“Forty is officially old,” Ryan grunted.

“You’re forty?!” Gavin demanded, finally getting his head free, “How the hell do you keep up with Lil J?!”

Ryan snorted, sitting up to find his clothes. 

“Jesus, it’s cold,” He huffed as he pulled on his jeans, “I don’t keep up with him. That kid is always fifty leagues ahead of me.”

“That’s not how he tells it,” Gavin scoffed, “Fuck, it _is_ cold! Let’s get to the house before we freeze.”

Ryan considered that statement as they climbed back into their seats. _How does Jeremy tell it then?_ He looked out the window, finally noticing the snow. It’d been awhile since he’d seen snow. It never snowed in Los Santos. He smiled. _Gavin was right, Christmas feels better with snow._

They pulled into the long driveway of a picturesque house. Twinkling lights shone brightly as the sunlight began to fade. It looked so warm and inviting. Like a home. Gavin reached out and squeezed his hand.

“Ry, are you okay?” He asked, face full of worry.

Ryan rubbed at his eyes with his free hand.

“Y-Yes, I’m just...” He muttered, “So overwhelmed.”

Gavin’s other hand closed around his.

“Maybe you need a moment before we go in,” He suggested.

Ryan shook his head.

“No, it’s a good overwhelmed,” he assured him, “I just thought...I’ve never felt so happy and surrounded by love...there’s just-just so much-I’m overflowing-I don’t know how to be this w-way!”

He suddenly seized Gavin and pulled him onto his lap. He hugged him closely to his chest, shoving his face in his shoulder.

“I changed my mind,” he mumbled, “I need a second.”

“Should I-?” Gavin started to offer.

“No, stay,” Ryan interrupted, “Heal me, Alice.”

Gavin sputtered at that, but pulled out his ponytail and ran his hand through his hair. 

“I don’t know how to be normal,” Ryan muttered, “How to be happy.”

“None of us do,” Gavin scoffed, “Honestly, I don’t know what the bloody hell I’m doing, but with all of us together, we’ll be fine.”

“Optimist,” Ryan teased against his collarbone, “Okay, I’m ready.”

He tied his hair back in a loose ponytail. They got out of the car and Michael came out to help with the luggage. It was getting darker and colder. Ryan was ready to climb into a warm bed with at least one warm lad. Maybe he could convince them to go for a cuddle pile. Michael and Gavin went in first, grinning at each other excitedly. _Now what are they planning?_

He rolled his eyes and put down Jeremy’s suitcase to close the door. He turned to look around the living room and dropped his own duffle in surprise. His feet moved before his brain caught up properly. His hands reached out immediately, trying to claim his gift like a spoiled child.

“Hey, Ry,” Ray greeted, standing up, “Surprise!”

Ryan’s arms went around his waist and he hoisted him up. Ray wrapped around him and Ryan buried his face in Ray’s shoulder. He breathed in the scent of Irish spring, gunpowder, and smoke. He grunted into Ray’s hoodie.

“I missed you too,” Ray admitted.

Ryan huffed.

“Wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you, would it?” Ray laughed.

Ryan sighed and turned, dropping to the couch. 

“Hey, rude,” Ray grumbled, “I’m not that heavy. You’re just tired from the lads.”

Ryan hummed.

“I dunno how you keep up,” Ray muttered, “I can barely keep up with their messages about it.”

Ryan grunted, shaking his head.

“That’s not how they tell it,” Ray snorted. 

Ryan frowned into Ray’s shoulder. Again with that. He was always so exhausted. How could they view it differently? He shrugged. He was too tired to care right then. He’d worry about it later. He flopped over onto his side, bringing Ray with him. _Time to take the train to sleepy time junction._ As soon as Ray was finished shifting to a more comfortable position, Ryan was out like a light.

~

The lads gave him three days of recovery. Three days he spent almost exclusively sleeping near Ray and drinking the milkshakes Geoff kept making him. At first he thought he was teasing him, but then he saw Geoff actually making one. It wasn’t just milk and ice cream, he was putting fruit and protein powder in them as well. He seemed to really be trying to help him keep healthy. Ryan almost started crying.

The third night, however, they’d decided his recovery period was over and it was time to get back to the sex torture. They’d managed to Pavlov him into getting a boner every time a knock came at the door at night, so when the knock (which he thought was Gavin’s) came at the door, he was ready before he saw them. 

He didn’t even look before stepping out of the way. He assumed it was just Gavin and didn’t want to force him to anxiously wait outside. After Gavin’s golden head was past the door he went to close it, but it was blocked. Jeremy grinned at him as he passed and again Ryan tried to close the door. Michael scowled at him as he pushed in and Ryan paused.

“Anyone else?” He muttered tiredly into the hallway.

He closed the door and locked it before he finally looked at the lads. He wobbled, almost falling over. He leaned against the door for support. They were all wearing dresses, but not the blue ones, these were pink. Ryan recalled all the pink fabric on Michael’s work stations. He cautiously approached, a bit worried about what their plan was.

He reached Michael first and ran his fingers over the skirt. It was just like the blue Aurora dress, only pink. He found himself lifting the skirt to see if he wore panties this time too and was delighted to find he was. Michael was blushing and fidgeting. _Fuck, he’s cute._ Ryan cupped his face in his hands and pressed a deep kiss against his mouth. Michael pawed at his shirt and groaned. 

A sharp tug on Ryan’s arm pulled him away. Jeremy scowled at him, face red. _Brat._ Unlike Michael’s dress, his was not all that similar to the blue one. It was hot pink with pastel pink bows and a fluffy white underskirt. It was pretty and a bit sillier, more like something a child would wear. It seemed to fit Jeremy’s high energy perfectly. Ryan smiled and took his hand, spinning him in a circle before pulling him close and kissing him soundly. 

Gavin’s tug was much less insistent, more shy and his face was red in embarrassment. Ryan smiled at him and held his hands as he looked over the dress. It was the least like the blue one of all three. Ryan could tell immediately that this was an original creation, possibly because Alice only ever wore one dress. 

The skirt was shorter than any of the others, the hem ending about mid-thigh. It also had off-shoulder straps and a sweetheart neckline. It seemed... _sexier_ than any of the others. It was deep pink in color with black apron and underskirts. Little black card suit symbols lined up along the hem of the skirt. The stockings he wore were pink and black striped, attached to matching garters. 

Ryan flipped up the skirt to see lacy black panties straining to hold Gavin in. Ryan kissed him, pressing more urgently against him. He was stopped by cold metal circling his wrists. He frowned, pulling back to see Jeremy and Michael on either side of him, each with a pair of cuffs attached to a wrist. He swallowed nervously looking back at Gavin whose wide grin was absolutely evil. Ryan let himself be pulled to the bed and attached to the bedposts. _Oh boy._ He was going to be sex tortured to death. 

_Best way to go,_ his dick insisted. He was sitting, back up against the headboard and arms pulled to either side. His heart quickened as the three lads crawled onto the bed. _Are they going to do what I think they’re going to do?_ The answer was yes, apparently, as Gavin took ahold of Jeremy’s chin and kissed him while Michael’s hands pushed up his skirt.

Ryan groaned as Michael yanked down Jeremy’s panties. Gavin shuffled back, pulling off Jeremys mouth and Michael shoved him down, bent at the waist. Jeremy nuzzled his face up against Gavin’s crotch through the skirt while Michael pulled a plug from his ass. Ryan bit his lip so hard it split. 

“F-fuck,” he moaned, “F-fucking fuck! Jeremy you look so pretty like that, so e-eager. All that practice you did is barely gonna help when you’re choking on his cock. Michael f-fucking your ass will only make it harder for you to keep control. They’re g-gonna fuck you back and forth like a fucking toy, a doll. Isn’t that what you want? Being u-used like a little plaything?”

He sucked in a gasp of air and groaned as Jeremy did as well.

“Bloody Hell,” Gavin whispered, “Lil J, you weren’t kidding.”

“Wow, that’s really hot,” Michael grunted.

“Shut up and fuck him!” Ryan growled, arms jerking against the restraints, “I’m gonna fucking explode if you don’t do something!”

All three of them looked more than happy to oblige. Michael rolled on another one of the “for her” condoms Jeremy had suggested and Jeremy moaned as he slid his cock inside him. 

“F-fuck, Michael!” He gasped, “Unh, you feel so good.”

Michael shuddered and rocked back and forth. Jeremy was mouthing at Gavin’s thigh, trying to get his cock in his mouth no doubt. Gavin gripped a fistful of hair and yanked his head back.

“What do you say when you want something?” He growled down at him.

“Pl-please! Gavin, please!” Jeremy cried, “Pl-please let me choke on your cock, s-sir!”

Ryan groaned, flexing against the cuffs. His thighs rubbed together as he tried to get some relief for his throbbing cock. 

“What a good boy,” Gavin cooed, “What do you think, Ry? Shall I let him have it?”

“Please,” Ryan begged, breathless, “F-fuck him please!”

Gavin gripped Jeremy’s jaw and Jeremy’s mouth dropped open. Gavin pulled his cock out and guided it slowly over Jeremy’s tongue. Jeremy moaned, back dipping and pushing his ass into Michael. Ryan echoed the moan, his thighs getting more desperate to touch his boner. He was definitely not getting anywhere with it, but it was better than nothing. Jeremy’s face was buried in the fluffy fabric of Gavin’s skirt while Michael’s laid over his ass. 

“Skirts,” Ryan growled, “I can’t see.”

Michael and Gavin lifted their skirts out of the way and Ryan groaned breathlessly.

“F-fucking Christ,” he whispered.

Jeremy whined around Gavin and started rocking back and forth.

“Impatient,” Michael grunted, “You’re almost as bad as Ry.”

He thrust forward, sending him onto Gavin’s dick. He choked and moaned and rocked again, begging them to fuck him. Ryan’s hips twitched as he tried to rub his thighs against his cock. Gavin thrust forward, sending Jeremy back into Michael with a muffled moan. And then they really started, pushing him back and forth between them as they brutally fucked into him. 

“Fucking Christ,” Michael hissed, “Damn, you’re a fucking champ at taking it, Dooley.”

Jeremy moaned around Gavin who groaned. Ryan strained against the cuffs, panting and moaning as he watched them fuck Jeremy between them. 

“His mouth is bloody great too,” Gavin grunted, “Ryan’s been teaching you, yeah?”

Jeremy was twisting and writhing between them, looking like he was absolutely in heaven. Ryan thought he could cum just by looking at him. 

“Tell us what he likes, Ry,” Michael moaned.

“Pain,” Ryan groaned, “H-he’s a masochist.”

Michael slapped Jeremy’s ass getting a yelp and a choked off moan. Gavin pulled on his hair, earning a similar sound. Ryan watched precum drip steadily from Jeremy’s cock and found himself drooling. His own pants were sporting a rapidly expanding wet spot and he needed to see Jeremy cum while stuffed like that. 

“D-down, Michael,” He moaned, “Angle down.”

Michael readjusted and Jeremy cried out as he thrust against his prostate. All three of them panted and moaned while Ryan devolved into a drooling mess, desperately trying to hump his own leg. Jeremy came first, followed by Michael as he tightened around him. Gavin meanwhile slowed to a stop with a dragged out moan. He pulled away and helped Michael tip Jeremy on his side and clean him up. 

Ryan saw a faraway look in Jeremy’s eyes and worry spiked in his guts. He shifted, immediately wanting to reach out, but Michael wrapped around him, squeezing him closely. Ryan puffed a sigh of relief before focusing in Gavin who had crawled up to him.

“Did you enjoy the show, baby?” He cooed, winking.

“Fgmfs,” Ryan answered around his drooling.

Gavin smirked at him and turned around. He lifted his skirt to show Ryan the plug there before pulling it free and then freeing Ryan’s cock. Gavin sank down on him and Ryan thrust up. 

“F-fuck me, please,” He whispered, weakly, “Please, m-master, I was g-good wasn’t I?”

“You were,” Gavin groaned, lifting and lowering carefully, “Such a good boy. So patient. Such an obedient little toy you are.”

Ryan moaned, hips twitching up again as Gavin fucked himself on Ryan’s cock. He came fairly quickly, squeezing around Ryan who gasped as he came inside him. Then Gavin quickly undid the cuffs and cleaned him up. Once he was done, Ryan crawled up next to Jeremy, throwing an arm over him and Michael while Gavin crawled up behind him. 

“I love you all,” he muttered.

“We love you too,” Gavin whispered, kissing his cheek.

Ryan smiled and settled into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And literally Ryan was the only person surprised. We’re almost at the end, folks!
> 
> @1stworldmutant for more of me being lame.


	25. Chapter 25

Ryan squirmed excitedly on the couch. It was finally Christmas, they were finally going to see the gifts he got them. He hoped they liked them.

“Ry, you’re bouncing me again,” Jeremy grumbled.

“Hush, you like it,” Ryan muttered back.

Jeremy was red as he sputtered a denial. They spent about an hour or so opening gifts and each one made Ryan’s heart swell with emotion. 

Michael got him a book of fairytales which was bookmarked at the Little Mermaid and had “I love you, my beautiful mermaid” written in Michael’s handwriting. 

“I love you too,” Ryan mumbled as he read it, tearing up.

“It’s why I didn’t want to say it earlier,” Michael laughed, “Kind of silly, but I really wanted this to be the first time.”

Ryan shook his head and kissed him, heart throbbing in his chest. He gave Michael the bomber jacket with his wolf logo on the back. Michael pulled it on immediately and turned to show it off to the rest of the crew. He grinned happily and kissed Ryan again.

Ray got Ryan a wrist-mounted blade named “Thorn” that absolutely delighted him. 

“I’m the rose, you’re the thorn,” Ray explained, looking a bit pink, “I know it’s dumb, but...”

Ryan hugged him tightly and handed over his gift. A silver bracelet that Ray put on his left wrist and admired a moment before Ryan got out the matching one. Ray lit up at the sight of the matching bracelets and Ryan grinned widely.

“There’s more?” Ray guessed.

Ryan rubbed his thumb over his own bracelet and Ray jumped as his reacted, simulating the touch. He teared up and trailed his finger across it. Ryan teared up too as he felt the touch on his. They hugged tightly for a moment. 

“This is so gay,” Ray sniffled into his shoulder.

Ryan laughed as they pulled away and ruffled Ray’s hair.

Geoff got Ryan a butterfly knife with the Fake AH logo stamped onto it and the first words Geoff had ever said to him engraved on the blade. _You don’t need to speak to be heard._

“Thank you,” Ryan choked out, grabbing Geoff into a quick hug.

“Sh-Shut it,” Geoff mumbled, wiping away tears.

Ryan got him a jeweled money clip with a crown design on it. Engraved on the back was “My King” and Geoff had to excuse himself from the room a moment. He came back with bloodshot eyes and a wad of cash for the clip. 

Jack got Ryan a dark-bladed straight razor with a pearl skull embedded into the black handle. Ryan was amazed by how sharp and absolutely expensive it was. They shared a laugh as Jack opened a personalized shaving kit from Ryan.

“Team Same Voice is Team Same Mind too,” Jack joked, jostling his shoulder.

Gavin’s gift was an upgraded version of the cross earring, made with obsidian and a tiny droplet-shaped ruby hanging from it. Ryan laughed as he gave Gavin a ruby stud earring and they grinned as they lightly touched them. 

“Of course we got these,” Gavin snorted, “We’re dorks.”

He flicked Ryan’s earring and gave him a watery smile. Ryan kissed him firmly and for once Gavin didn’t shy away from the public display of affection. 

Jeremy’s gift was something Ryan could tell he was hesitant about. He watched Ryan’s face closely as he opened it and when Ryan teared up, he immediately assured him he didn’t have to keep it. Ryan shook his head, smiling at him. He rubbed his thumb over the small enamel pin. It was a sun. He kissed Jeremy and pinned it to the inside of his jacket.

“Now I have a reminder,” he murmured, “That sunshine can be good.”

He brushed his knuckles over Jeremy’s cheek and the lad squeezed his hand.

“I knew you’d understand what I meant,” he whispered, “I was just worried for no reason.”

Ryan smiled and kissed him again before handing over his present: a pair of leather gloves. Similar to his own, but dyed purple, orange, and yellow. 

“Perfect!” Jeremy exclaimed, flexing his hands, “Now I won’t get splinters any more! And we’ll sort of match!”

He laced his fingers through Ryan’s, the leather gloves squeaking as they squeezed together. Ryan laughed and shook his head. _Dork._

As Ryan looked around at the crew, he decided he quite liked Christmas. What a beautiful holiday of love and warmth. Family didn’t seem like such a bad word any more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy ending is fluff!!! Bet you weren’t expecting fluff! XD  
> As always, may your path stay lit, my little stars! I can’t wait to see you in my new stories! ✨


End file.
